


Healed Memory Is Not a Deleted Memory

by MissReneeChan



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Amnesia, Brain Damage, Canon Compliant up to 8.01, Canon Divergence after 8.01, Domestic Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eventual Sex, Foul Language, M/M, Memory Alteration, Memory Loss, No Benny Lafitte, No Don Richardson, Sibling fights, Violent Memories
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-10
Updated: 2014-07-10
Packaged: 2018-01-08 05:13:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 43,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1128742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissReneeChan/pseuds/MissReneeChan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>ON HIATUS UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE: After getting out of Purgatory, Dean is hit by a car and wakes up in the hospital  not remembering his time there and suffering some complications from severe brain trauma. When Sam gets there, he discovers that not only has Dean forgotten the last year of his life, but Castiel as well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Waking

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Supernatural fanfic and I'm not sure where I'm going with it. I don't know how long it will be, so be nice if anyone decides to point out mistakes. Feel free to let me know what you think, feedback is always appreciated.
> 
>  
> 
> You can find progress reports for this fic and my others on my tumblr : MissReneeChan.Tumblr.com

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean wakes in a strange place and discovers something wrong with his memory.

He's sleeping soundly in a warm bed when he feels something on his chin. When he opens his eyes, his body is very still and the room is quiet. His eyelids lift slowly and reveal what woke him. A fly is buzzing in front of his face. His eyes don't want to focus on it, but he can tell. The little bastard sounds like a fly. 

He closes his eyes again and tries to shift on the bed to get more comfortable. He's incredibly sore. How did that happen? He hasn't done anything that would have made him this sore, has he? Last he remembers… His brain fogs up and he screws his face up in pain from the headache stretching across his skull. Last he remembers… Panic begins to surge through him and he opens his eyes. He thinks frantically as his eyes strain to focus. Why can't he remember? Why is there a cast on his arm? He's trying to recall anything. Nothing recent is coming up. 

Once his eyes start working right, he realizes he's in a hospital room. Why is he here? Why can't he remember anything? What's happen-?

A nurse bursts into the room and interrupts his thoughts. She sees him and turns to yell out the door, "Doctor McKenzie! Mr. John Doe is awake!" She turns back to him with a nervous smile on her face. She speaks calmly, "Hi there…" She moves to the machines next to him and he dully realizes that there's a lot of beeping coming from them. She turns her eyes to him, then, and says soothingly, "You're safe, you're in a hospital. You need to calm down, sir. Your heart's beating like a jackrabbit's. You should be avoiding stress as much as possible."

He squeezes his eyes shut and takes a few deep breaths. His head is pounding and it makes it hard to concentrate on breathing steadily. As his heartbeat slows to a more reasonable speed, he tries bringing up some memories again, but he's interrupted by a touch to his arm and the nurse's voice. "Sir, are you in any pain? I can up your pain medication if need be."

He tries to respond, but all that comes out is a strange croak. He swallows and the nurse hands him a cup of water. After a couple swallows, he tries again. "My head is feels like it's in a vice."

"No surprise. Alrighty, we can take care of that." She does something with his IV bag and continues to speak, "Can you tell me your name?"

He pauses for a moment as he takes another sip of water and says, "Dean. What happened to me?"

A middle aged man with a greying beard walks in and says, "Hello, sir. I'm Doctor McKenzie. I'm the head of the ICU."

The Nurse chimes in with, "Doctor, he's told me that his name is Dean. He's wondering what happened."

Doctor McKenzie looks pleasantly surprised, "Dean? That's the name of this Hospital. Charles A. Dean Memorial… Can you tell us your last name?"

Dean thinks a moment before saying, "Winchester."

Doctor McKenzie smiles and sits on the stool next to Dean's bed. "Good. Well, Mr. Winchester, as to why you're here… We believe you were hit by a car; a hit-and-run. A driver found you out on Highway 15. We checked you in with severe head trauma and some broken bones; two ribs and your right radius. You were out for 3 days. This is day 4."

Dean takes a moment to process this. Head trauma would explain why he's having trouble remembering things. He remembers his name. What else can he remember now? Sam. He can remember Sam. Where's Sam? He must be near-by.

"Is Sam here?" He asks.

"Sam? Who's Sam?" asks Doctor McKenzie. Apparently Sam isn't here at the hospital after all. Where is he then?

"Sam's my brother."

"Can you give us his number? I'm sure he'd like to know where you are."

"Yeah…" He trails off as his mind pulls up one of Sam's phone numbers. He's amazed at the small details his mind is pulling up while at the same time, he can't recall how he got here, what happened with Dick Roman, or almost anything for the last year. Sam must have been going nuts. He rattles the number off and the nurse jots it down. She walks out of the room with a parting nod aimed at Dean.

Doctor McKenzie picks up Dean's chart, pulls a pen out of his lab coat pocket and turns back to him and says, "Alright. Well, tell me how you're feeling."

Dean sighs and rolls his shoulders winces. Oh yeah, broken ribs. He groans and says, "Sore. The nurse gave me something for this splitting headache."

The doctors nods and jots a few things down. "How much do you remember?"

Dean swallows and hesitates before answering, "Um…I don't remember coming here. Where is here, by the way?" Doctor McKenzie looks up at him and stops writing. "You're in Greenville, Maine. You really can't remember coming here?" When Dean shakes his head, the Doctor continues, "What's the last thing you can remember?" 

His brain doesn't seem to be working too well with organizing his memories. He's not sure what memory happened when. He tries to answer anyway, "I think… I remember me and Sam in our friend's cabin in Montana. We were-" Dean cuts himself off before he starts talking about their plan to run Dick Roman through with a bone taken from a nun. Instead, he says, "-going to go fishing the next day."

"And what was the date of that?"

"Um, May …18th? 19th? Somewhere in there."

Doctor McKenzie sighs and leans back in his chair. He scratches his beard and says, "Dean. I'm sorry to tell you this, but it's April 21st."

Dean tries to process what the Doctor is telling him. That's not right, it's May. If it was April, then it would have been almost a year. He asks, "April 21st…2013?"

"Yes, Dean."

It feels like the wind has been knocked out of him. A whole year? He's lost a whole year of his memory? What has he been doing for a year? Did they take out Dick Roman? Is Sam okay? What's happened? 

Doctor McKenzie must see the panic growing on Dean's face, because he sets a hand on Dean's shoulder and says, "Dean! Dean. Calm down. It seems you have a little Retrograde Amnesia. It's not uncommon after an injury like yours."

Dean snaps, "A little? I've lost a whole year!"

Doctor McKenzie sits back and sighs again. "Well Dean, I'm not going to lie. That amount of memory loss is not a good sign. However, it's not particularly surprising either. Your brain underwent quite the trauma. However, amnesia typically doesn't last too long. Most patients recover all of their memories."

Dean slumps back into the pillows and his mind boggles. How could a whole year just be gone?

* * * * * * *

A little under 36 hours later, Sam walks into the main entrance of Charles A. Dean Memorial Hospital. The nurse at the reception desk directs him upstairs to the ICU. While he's in the elevator, his mind goes to when he had gotten the call about Dean.

Sam had been confused when the caller ID on his phone told him that a hospital in Maine was calling him. When he had answered, the lady on the other end had told him that a man named "Dean" was in their ICU. He had felt dread for what had happened to Dean and relief at finally knowing that he was alive at the same time. After he had gotten some, but not quite as many as he wanted, of the details on what had happened to Dean, the hospital's address, and told them he'd be there as soon as humanly possible, he went out back to talk to Amelia.

She was playing with Riot, the dog that Sam had adopted after he had hit it with the Impala. How was he going to explain this to her? Suddenly, the brother he told her was dead was in Maine and experiencing memory loss? It sounded like something out of a soap opera. Just then, Amelia looked up and smiled at him. Her smile fell away when she saw the look on his face. She let go of the tug-o-war rope that Riot was playing with, walked up to him and said, "Hey, what's wrong?"

Sam wasn't sure exactly how to put this. "A hospital in Maine just called. My brother is in their ICU," he said slowly.

Amelia's face flickered between shock and confusion before she said, "Your brother? I thought…I thought he was-"

Sam cut her off, "Dead. I know." He pauses before continuing, "I'm sorry…The truth was that I wasn't sure what happened to him. There was an explosion and no body…" He lets the sentence trail off. It's not a lie, really. Dick Roman exploded and Dean and Cas were nowhere to be seen. He quickly added, "I don't really want to talk about it."

Amelia just stared at him for a second. Then looked away and said, "Okay. I understand." They stood there for moment in awkward silence before Sam said, "I need to go to Maine. He's alone there and they say he's having trouble remembering things. They won't tell me much else, that it's better if I go see him."

Amelia nods and says, "Of course. You should go as soon as you can, he sounds like he needs you. Catch a flight today if you can. Do you want me to go with you?" Her eyes searched his face for any clues on how he was feeling. He tried to give her a reassuring smile.

"No, um, I think this might take a while and Dean's…Well, he can be prickly at the best of times. Let alone when he's stuck in a hospital and in pain."

"Ok, yeah. That makes sense. Go be with your brother. But you better call me, like, twice a day with updates. Let me know how you're doing," she said with a half-smile.

Now, here he was in an elevator in a hospital in Maine waiting to see his brother who he hasn't seen in almost a year and may or may not remember everything. 

When the doors open, he follows the signs to the ICU. The woman behind the desk when he gets there gives him a polite smile and asks, "May I help you?"

"Uh, yeah. My name's Sam Winchester, my brother, Dean, is a patient. I got a call to come here," He says with a slight tremor in his voice.

"Oh! Yes. Let me get his doctor," she says as she reaches for the phone.

Sam quirks his head in confusion and asks, "Can't I just go see Dean? Is something wrong? I couldn't get much of the way in details before I came."

She doesn't stop dialing while she has the receiver to her ear and says, "Um, it would be better if Doctor McKenzie talks to you first."

Sam swallows the lump in his throat and nods. He sees a row of plastic chairs next to the wall and takes a seat. His mind wanders. How much does Dean remember? Where has he been this entire time?

A bearded man in a lab coat comes around the corner and asks, "Mr. Winchester?"

Sam stands quickly and shakes the Doctor's hand. "Yes! I'm Sam Winchester."

Doctor McKenzie smiles and says, "Dean said you were tall, a 'gigantor,' as he put it." 

Sam lets loose a soft chuckle and says, "Sounds like Dean."

Doctor McKenzie leads them to his office and they both take a seat. Sam notices the degrees and awards that are mounted on the wall. He felt a little better knowing Dean was in good hands, but he still had a lot of questions. Be blurted out, "So, nobody's given me anything specific about Dean except that he was hit by a car and he has some broken bones and experiencing memory loss."

Doctor McKenzie takes out what must Dean's chart and looks over a moment before saying, "Well, as you said, we believe Dean was hit by a car. It was a hit-and-run. Someone found him out on Highway 15 near the 100 mile wilderness. We checked him in as a John Doe, as he he had no identification with him and he was unconscious. He had severe head trauma and some broken bones. He went to surgery and we were able to set the bones and relieve some of the pressure on his brain."

Sam could only stay silent as the Doctor continued, "He was in a coma for three days and woke on the fourth. He says that the last thing he can remember is being in a friend's cabin with you on May 18th, 2012."

Sam sucked in a breath and paused, unsure of how to react. He finally bursts out with, "May 18th, 2012? That's almost a year ago!"

Doctor McKenzie sighs and says, "Yes. He's lost almost a year of his memory. Retrograde Amnesia sometimes is brought on by brain trauma."

"Will he get his memories back?"

"Well, obviously, every patient is different. But most likely, he will. Most amnesia patients just need some time and exposure to familiar people and places to regain their memories. Though, I admit, most amnesia patients don't experience this amount of memory loss through brain trauma and still retain normal brain function. However there are some other issues."

Sam feels a pang of anxiety. "What other issues?"

"Mr. Winchester, most people don't walk away from an accident like Dean's without some lasting effects. We've been running tests with one of our psychiatrists on your brother. Dean has been displaying some impaired attention, difficulties with multi-tasking, and reading. We'll ask him to tell us a story and he'll forget what he's doing mid-sentence. He gets headaches when he tries to read and has a hard time processing large words. He says that he can't 'put the pieces together.' That he if the words get too long, the letters just 'look like squiggles on the page.' It's only been a couple days, so we may not have to worry, but these issues may be permanent. But with therapy, he could find ways work around the brain damage. Really, only time will tell."

Sam has to take a moment. He leans forward and put his face in his hands. Permanent brain damage? Therapy? Would Dean even go to therapy? How could this be happening? Sam looks up at Doctor McKenzie and the man is looking at him, patiently waiting.

Doctor McKenzie says, "I know this a lot to take in. Dean hasn't exactly been the most cooperative patient either. We believe he's experiencing some depression and we've started giving him medication for it. It will take a while to figure out exactly what he'll need."

"Dean's never been one to get help even when he needs it," Sam says with a sigh. "I'm surprised you got him to take anti-depressants."

"Well, he's seems to have made friends with Nurse Sanchez. She convinced him. She can be…tough when she needs to," Doctor McKenzie says with a huff of laughter. "Would you like to see him now?"

Sam almost leaps from his chair and says, "Yes! Please. Yes."

The Doctor pats him on the arm and gets up to open the door for him. They walk down to hall to room 414. The Doctor gestures to the door and says, "We gave him his own room. He didn't need to stay under constant supervision anymore. Go ahead and go in, he sleeps a lot, but it's ok to wake him up." He smiles again and walks off down the hall.

Sam knocks and pokes his head in the door. Dean's sitting up in bed, looking out the window. There are bruises all over the right side of his face and he can see more peeking out from under the collar of his hospital gown. Dean looks up, then a wide grin breaks out over his face and he cries, "Sammy!"

Sam comes all the way in and closes the door and smiles at Dean. "Hey Dean, I made it."

"About damn time, too. They will not leave me alone here. Tests, meds, tests, psych visits, more meds. It's a pain in the ass."

Sam makes his way to the chair next to Dean's bed and sits. He nods and says, "Yeah I heard that you've been a difficult patient."

Dean's grin falters and falls away. He says, "So, I guess you talked to the Doc, huh?"

"Yeah I did. He says you can't remember the last…Year? A whole year?"

"Um, yeah. Last thing I remember is us at Rufus' cabin gearing up to go after Dick. Did we get him? Did it work?" Dean says as he starts to fidget with his hospital bracelet.

"Yeah! Yeah. We got him. The Leviathan seem to have just dropped off the map. I guess they were lost without their leader. So…You don't know what happened to you?"

"No, do you? What happened?"

"Well, we split up to take care of our different parts of the plan and when I came to find you, you had stabbed Dick and he blew up. You and Cas were completely gone."

Dean's face screws up in confusion. "Cas?" he asks.

"Yeah. Cas disappeared too. I haven't heard from him since."

"Who's Cas?"

Sam makes eye contact with Dean and feels some trepidation as he says, "Cas. You know, Castiel? The angel?" Dean only stares at him blankly. Sam continues, "You know, Cas! The one that rescued you from hell? He's saved our asses more times than we could count?"

Dean turns his head and stares blankly across the room and murmurs, "Cas."

"Yeah, you remember him?"

Dean pauses a moment before turning back to Sam and saying, pretty definitively, "No."


	2. Moving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean's frustration with his situation grows and Sam offers his help as best he can.

Dean's been awake for a little over two weeks now. Every day that passes brings new frustrations for him to face. He knows that he's never really been the brains of the operation, but now he's feeling like every new day brings to light new ways for him to fall short. First, there was the zoning out. He'd start talking to Nurse Sanchez about something and just forget that he was talking in the first place, his mind going blank. He was also having sequencing issues, as the doctors called it. If he tried to remember a story of any kind, like what he did today, he'd forget what came next and somehow start back at the beginning. And the harder he tries to remember, the more he forgets about what he was saying in the first place. And he was having trouble reading any words larger than 6 letters. His brain just didn't want to interpret it as anything other than squiggles on a page.

How was he supposed to ever go hunting again if he can't remember the simple steps to a spell? Or if he's trying to interview someone and he keeps zoning out on them? Is he supposed to try the civilian lifestyle again? He's not sure that he'd even fit in there, now. He can keep his past a secret, sure, but people will notice that he can't pay attention to them or follow simple instructions. 

They've moved him out of the ICU and he's glad to not be around the patients in really bad shape anymore. He's been told that he's going to need therapy of both a physical and mental nature for a long time to come. He's not happy about it, but where else is he going to go? His arm is broken, but his hand is going to lose strength and motor control if he never uses it. So, he doodles and writes and tries to solve these little puzzles provided by the psychs to "keep his mental faculties up". His arm is really sore afterwards, but it's supposed to help. Usually, though, he just ends up getting frustrated and tossing whatever he's working on across the room. He really wants to get out of this hospital. 

Sam comes to visit every day and offers his support. He helps him with the physical therapy for his hand and he's been telling Dean about what he had been doing for the past year. 

Dean was hurt when he found out that Sam hadn't put much effort into trying to find him. Sam had explained that there no leads, no ways to finds out where he was, or if he was even alive, but Dean was harboring a selfish anger at Sam for his life not being more devastated than it was.

Sam told him about Amelia, this girl that he has a house with down in Texas. She sounded okay, but Dean wasn't sure he wanted to hear about it. But Sam calls her like, 3 times a day, so he must really like her. So, Dean puts up with the girlish gushing and keeps a good front up. He knows that Sam can see through it, though. He's been having an increasingly hard time keeping his frustration in check.

They're currently playing cards in the day room and Sam's winning. Again. Dean's trying to remember whose turn it is, and why he pulled the queen of clubs out of his hand. He's stopped moving and he knows Sam is wondering why. It's just Go Fish. Why can't he remember what he's supposed to with the Queen?

"Dean? Is that a Queen? If it is, give it to me," Sam instruct with his infuriating infinite patience.

Dean scowls and tosses his hand down on the table with the Queen. He snaps, "Screw this. I'm done."

"Dean, it's okay-"

"No, it's not okay! I can't even fucking play Go Fish without help! I can't-" Dean cuts himself off as some people around the room start looking at them. "I gotta get out of here, Sam. This place is driving me crazy. Always poking and prodding at me…" Dean trails off, the initial burst of anger dissipating.

"Dean…What would we do? You need to stay put for a while and be near a treatment center." Sam says, exasperated.

"Dude, let's get back out on the road. I need some freedom. I can't sit here doodling and doing memory exercises any more."

"Alright, well…I've been talking to Amelia and she says there's a hospital is Odessa that has a great Neurology and Psychiatry departments."

Dean looks up at Sam and crosses his arms over his chest, the arm with cast, on top. "You saying I should move in with you and your girlfriend?"

"Um, yeah. There's an extra room at the house. Odessa's not too far and you could check in with the hospital regularly. Keep up with any therapy you might need." 

"This is the girlfriend that thought I was dead and has no idea that we're hunters?"

"…Yes. Look, I know it's not a perfect situation, but we can't hunt right now, and if you really want to get out of the hospital, you're going to need a better situation than a motel room. Plus, I would like to get back to Amelia eventually."

A few moments of silence pass. Dean sighs and rolls his eyes, "Man, I don't like the idea of trying the apple pie life again, but it's not like I've got much of a choice. And It's gotta be better than being stuck here." He throws his hand up in surrender.

Sam nods hesitantly and says, "I'll call Amelia and let her know."

"Yeah, alright," Dean mumbles and starts putting the cards away. It's not an ideal situation, but it will have to do for now. Maybe he can start to put this shit behind him.

Doctor McKenzie only agrees to discharge Dean under the stipulation that Dean set up an appointment with the referred doctors at the Odessa Regional Hospital. Dean tries to resist at first, but Nurse Sanchez is shows herself and backs the Doctor up. Dean is a sucker for mother types and can't tell her no. Once the appointment is set up, and medical records released and faxed, Doctor McKenzie signs Dean's release papers.

Somehow, Sam manages to convince Dean to fly back to Kermit, rather than drive. Dean pops a Vicodin before the flight and he's able to make it through without much trouble. A few finger-shaped dents in the arm rests later, they're in the air.

Sam watches his brother leaf through the in-flight magazines, grumbling about spoiled rich people. He starts to wonder about Dean and all the things that have been left unsaid the past couple of weeks. Dean's been his usual self except for the occasional of frustration. Sam knows better than to rely on what he sees on the surface when it comes to Dean, though. He knows that Dean is in pain and worried. He's worried about how Dean's new issues will fit into his and Amelia's lifestyle. He and Amelia make enough for two people, but a third is going to add some strain. Dean's not ready to work or hunt and Amelia would notice any credit card scams. He sighs and looks out the window. 

If Cas were around, he could heal Dean, but Dean's forgotten about him and Sam has no idea where he is. He's prayed to him several times and there is still no sign of Cas anywhere. If there were any other angels that were still friendly with the Winchesters, he would have summoned them, but none were out there.

Dean gives up on the in-flight magazines and asks the flight attendant for a soda. 

Sam had been a little shocked that Dean couldn't remember Cas at all. As Cas as had said, "Dean and I do share a more profound bond." Dean had only seemed to get upset whenever Sam tried to jog his memory, seeming to get frustrated at his own lack of ability. Dean said he had remembered angels in general. He remembered Uriel and Anna. But Dean describes a nameless, faceless few angels that had saved their lives along the way. Those had been Cas in real life, but Dean's brain had just seemed to strip the identity from him in all his memories. So, Sam had given up. Sam was worried about his friend, though. Without Dean's memories to fill him in, Sam's imagination ran wild, calling up all kinds of situations Cas could have gotten into. He tried to stay away from that. He had his brother to look after. 

They landed in Odessa with only a moderate amount of fuss from Dean. As they're walking towards baggage claim, Dean sees Sam raise his hand in greeting to someone. Dean searches the crowd and sees a woman with curly dark hair waving to them. She walks up to Sam and gives him a full-body hug. "Oh man, I missed you! So glad you're back."

Dean tries to smother a mocking smile while Sam gestures to him, "Amelia, this is Dean. Dean, Amelia."

Dean extends his un-hurt left hand. She gives it a firm shake and says, "Dean, it's good to finally meet you. Sam's been telling me a lot."

Dean gives Sam a glance and laughs. "I bet he has. It's good to meet you too."

They pick up their luggage and make their way out to where Amelia has parked her car. It's a practical little sedan, what Dean would expect of a suburban veterinarian. Dean climbs into the back seat and Sam's up front with Amelia, whose smile hasn't faltered yet. Amelia and Sam are chatting and catching up as Amelia pulls out onto the highway. Eventually, she says, "So Dean, how are feeling about Texas suburbia? Sam says that you're more used to open road."

Dean snaps out of one of his "zones" and looks towards Amelia, "What? I'm sorry."

She just chuckles and says, "How do you feel about moving to suburbia?"

Dean's not sure he should answer truthfully, so he deflects and says, "Well, I settled down for a while in Indiana. It wasn't so bad." He leaves it at that and the rest of the trip passes in relative silence, except for Amelia and Sam's occasional affectionate comments and anecdotes.

They pull into the driveway of a neat little house on a neat little street. The yards are neatly trimmed and the houses are neatly painted. Dean grimaces for just a second before Amelia looks over her shoulder into the back seat. He gives her a quick grin and climes out of the car with a grunt. His ribs are still pretty sore.

Amelia and Sam pull the bags from the trunk and head to front door as Dean spots the Impala in the driveway. He exclaims, "Baby! Did you miss me?" Dean makes his way over to the car and runs his hand over the black paint. "Sammy didn't douche you up did he?" He asks as he peers inside the cabin.

Amelia gives Sam a look and Sam quickly explains, "Dean has an unreasonable obsession with his car and considers any changes to it blasphemy." Amelia just chuckles and says, "Everyone has something. There are worse things to be obsessed with." She heads to the front door. "C'mon, I bet Riot's going to go nuts when you get inside."

Dean looks up from his baby and asks, "Riot? Is that the dog?"

Sam heads inside and Amelia gives Dean a smile. "Yes. Riot's the dog. You like dogs?"

Dean walks to door and makes his way inside. He looks around and there are still some boxes in the entryway. Sam and Amelia hadn't moved here too long ago and not everything had been unpacked yet. "I don't really dislike them. I just never had one," he admits as he looks around. 

Amelia closes the door behind her and Dean hears Sam baby-talking to the dog in the other room, "Hey boy! I know, I missed you too! How ya doin' buddy? Yeah! I know! I'm so happy to see you!"

"Sam was always more of the animal lover," Dean says, with a huff of laughter.

"Well, while he and Riot have their love fest, I'll show you your room." 

She leads him up the stairs and down the hall to the right. They stop in front of a door on the left and Amelia opens the door for him. He steps inside and takes a look around. The room is pretty plain, which is to be expected since Amelia and Sam haven't even been here that long. A simple full size bed with a brown comforter and dark wood headboard is to his left and a worn down dresser to his right. A night stand with an unplugged lamp with the plastic still over shade is standing on the right side of the bed. A large window with plain tan curtain is directly across from him.

Amelia steps in after him and says, "It's not decorated or anything; feel free to make it your own." She points back down the hall they came. "We passed the bathroom, that'll be yours. Sam and I are at the other end of the hall. We have our own bathroom." She pauses a moment while Dean sets his duffel on the bed. She adds, "Well, I'll leave you to unpack. I'll be downstairs with Sam." She backs out of the room and closes the door.

Dean sits on the bed and sighs. Well, this is it. He's here. Sam and he have experience with hiding the hunter side of their lives, but he's not sure how long they can keep it under wraps. The Winchesters and the supernatural always seem to find each other and other get caught in the cross fire. Does Sam plan of leaving the hunter life behind for good? Will Dean have to do the same? He will for now, at least. His accident has made sure of that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm beginning to think that one of my inspirations for this story may be more prevalent as time goes by; the movie "The Lookout." I hope to keep drawing inspiration and not actually move on to ripping the movie off. We'll see how I do. I just think Dean would fit very well in a role similar to Chris' from the movie. Check it out if you get the chance.
> 
> http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0427470/


	3. Adjusting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean's been avoiding his appointment at the hospital and Sam's not having any of it.

It's been a little over a month since Dean moved to Kermit. It's amazing how the time is passing so fast, which only makes him more anxious. He feels like the more time that goes by, the more issues with his brain are being discovered, not less. He's been able to avoid actually going to the appointment he was forced to set up when he was with Doctor McKenzie, though Sam quickly set up another one for him. He's also been able to catch up on his Doctor Sexy, now that he's not running about trying to save people's lives, though he has to re-watch some episodes to remember what's happened earlier in the same episode. He doesn't tell Sam about that. 

He doesn't tell Sam about the sauce pan he ruined when he was cooking a quick mac and cheese either. He didn't tell Sam that he couldn't remember to use soap in the shower for the first week he was there. Dean figured it out after a while though, the smell helped him. Sometimes he forgets that he needs to put the coffee beans through the grinder before making the coffee and all he ends up with is slightly coffee flavored, yellowish water. He just remakes it when that happens.

He couldn't hide the fact that for some reason he thought the bleach was the laundry detergent when he did the laundry, though. Or the fact that the first time he tried driving after coming here, he almost rear-ended someone because he zoned out. Sam hasn't let him drive alone since.

He's been blurting out inappropriate thoughts now and then too. He was watching TV with Amelia and Sam and had asked for some clarification about a scene. After a brief explanation, the two of them started talking to each other under their breaths. It had been a quick fleeting thought that hadn't even been fully formed yet, but he suddenly yelled, "STOP TALKING ABOUT ME LIKE I'M NOT HERE!" Amelia and Sam had looked shocked and Dean struggled to explain that he had no idea where that had come from and that he didn't mean it. He just ended up going to bed early. 

Sam has been fussing over him endlessly too, which is infuriating. Sam will find him and make him do the exercises from the hospital that he hated so much. He knows that it's supposed to be good for him, but all it ever seems to do is embarrass him. Dean's fuse has been shorter lately and he knows that Sam is only worried and trying to help, but they've had their fair share of arguments. No serious has blow-ups yet though. 

It's a Thursday afternoon and it's the day of his appointment at the Odessa Regional Hospital. He wakes up early because the appointment is at 9:00AM. He showers (with soap), gets dressed, and makes his way downstairs. Sam is pouring coffee and Dean sits at the kitchen table. He rubs a hand over his eyes and mumbles, "Man, I am way too used to sleeping in now."

Sam chuckles and sets a mug of black coffee in front of him. Dean greedily grabs the mug and takes a gulp. Sam takes the seat opposite him and says, "Yeah, well you haven't had much reason to get up early lately."

Dean nods and just stares at his coffee. Sam sips his coffee and sighs; "Dean, I know you're not too excited about dealing with Doctor's and this kind of thing, but without Cas-" Sam was going to say something about Cas not being around to heal him.

Dean just rolls his eyes. "I've told you before, Sammy. I don't know this Cas and I seriously doubt an angel would be that willing to help us even if I did know him."

Sam opens his mouth to say something, but just stops himself before another brotherly spat breaks out. Dean stands, finishes his coffee and puts the mug in the sink. Sam stands too and says, "Well let's just get going."

They're on Highway 302 a little later with Dean behind the wheel of the Impala. They travel in silence except for the radio playing one of their Dad's old mix tapes. Sam has his eyes trained on the road and occasionally, Dean sees him put his foot down on a ghost brake pedal on the floor or tense up when he thinks Dean is too close to another car. Dean's frustration always spikes when he sees Sam do this, but he says nothing this time.

Dean's got his eyes on the road when he notices a man on the side of the road. The man is walking in the opposite direction on the right side heading back towards Kermit. The man has a ratty tan trench coat on and what look like white hospitals scrubs on. He's absolutely filthy. Dean can't help it for some reason, he stares. The man's dark hair and focused walk seem familiar somehow.

"Dean!" Sam yells in his ear.

Dean eyes snap forward and he slams on the brakes. The Impala's tires screech and Dean swerves onto the shoulder, just barely missing the cars that had slowed because of traffic. The Impala lurches to a stop and Dean looks over to Sam. Sam's breathing a little heavy and he looks back at Dean, shock and confusion on his face. It quickly turns to anger. "Dean, what the hell!"

"Did you see him?" 

Sam wasn't expecting that. Confusion crosses his face again. "See who?"

"That guy! On the side of the road. He was wearing a trench coat."

Realization dawns over Sam's face and he quickly turns to look back at the highway. Dean looks too, but doesn't see anyone. Sam turns back him and says, "There's no one there."

Dean rolls his eyes. "I can see that! But he was there!"

"You said he had a trench coat…Did he have dark hair?"

Dean connects gazes with Sam and says, "Yeah…why?"

Sam pauses a moment before he says, "That sounds like Cas."

"I thought you said he was an angel. And a friend."

"He is."

"Then why would he be on the side of the road? Why doesn't he just zap inside the car, the way Anna did that one time?"

"I don't know, Dean. How'd you recognize him? I thought you didn't remember him?"

"I didn't recognize him."

"You almost crashed us because you were staring at him."

Dean thinks about this for a moment. When he had looked at the man in the side of the road, he had felt like a great disappointment. With what, he wasn't sure. Something in him had told him that there were a lot of emotions mixed up with that man's face. Dean sighs and says, "I don't man. He looked familiar or something. No names or memories came up though."

Sam nods and looks at the clock on the dash. "Alright, well we still got to get to your appointment. Let's get back on the road."

The appointment was what Dean had expected. He met with Dr. Fuller, a soft spoken middle aged woman with a cloth flower pinned in her hair. She set him up with a psychiatrist and physical therapist for his hand, and eventually his arm. The therapist was a young guy named Skyler that Dean would only have to see every now and then to check in on his progress until the cast came off. The psychiatrist, however, looked like someone's stereotypical drawing of a psychiatrist. It was a slight man with thick glasses and a sweater-vest named Hornsby. Dean had a hard time holding back a snort of derision when he had met him. It had been your typical first meeting with a psychiatrist. Dr. Hornsby took a history and asked Dean about his goals. Dean had been a bit taciturn and standoffish, but Dr. Hornsby took no notice. He was keeping Dean on his current medications, gave him a few exercises to take home and suggested writing reminders to himself to not forget basic daily things.

Currently Dean was leaning back into the pillows of his bed at the house. He closed his eyes and stretched his legs out. It had been a long day full of things that Dean hated. Doctors, hospitals, psychiatrists and he had put his baby in danger. Not one of his best days. Now all he wanted to do was take a hot shower and grab a beer. He remembers quickly that he's not supposed to be drinking while on his meds. Maybe he can sneak one past Sam. 

He heaves himself off of the bed and heads to the shower. He grabs the plastic sleeve hanging off the back of the door and sets it aside. He removes his shirt for a moment, considers his own body in the mirror. There is new scar that runs from his ribs up to his right shoulder. The stitches had dissolved a few weeks ago, but this scar was going to be visible for the rest of his life. It was, by far, the largest scar he had gotten over the years. The cut had not been that deep, but it had been long, ugly and winding. He was just glad it had not made it way up to his face. He was not that vain, but anyone would have been upset by a huge scar across their face. How would have Dean ever gotten laid if that had happened?

20 minutes later, Dean's feeling more refreshed and is looking to just relax for the rest of the evening. He starts digging through the fridge for a beer. He only sees that Sam's shitty light stuff and starts to grumble.

"What'cha lookin' for?" He hears from Sam behind him. He straightens and before Dean can think, he blurts out, "Beer, need to relax." 

Sam sighs and pushes the door closed. "Dean, you know you're not supposed to be drinking while on these meds."

Dean groans and says, "C'mon Sam, I had a long day. I promise I won't operate any heavy machinery." He reaches for the fridge door handle, but Sam holds it closed.

"Dean, that's not the point. You need to follow the Doctors' instructions."

"Like hell I do. Move." Dean yanks on the door handle and it pops open for a second before Sam just slams it shut again. 

"What's with you, man? You haven’t been cooperating with anything the Doctors have been saying for weeks now. Don't you want to get better?"

Dean rolls his eyes and says, "Of course I do, man. But you know how hospitals get on my nerves, I just need to sit down and relax with a beer." Dean voice starts rise at the end of his sentence.

Sam's voice rises in turn when he says, "You can find better ways to relax, Dean!"

"Well, maybe you can, but I want to do it my way!"

"Dean, you can't just ignore this! You need to make some changes!"

Dean just stares at Sam for a second before he storms out of the kitchen and towards the front door. He's picking up his wallet and keys when Sam catches up with him and says with exasperation, "Dean, what are you doing?" He reaches over and snatches the keys from Dean's hand.

"Fuck you, Sammy, give 'em back!"

"Dean you can't go driving by yourself!"

"You know what, Sam? I've had it with you trying to control everything I do all the time. You need to back the hell off!"  
Sam just looks flabbergasted and starts to say, "I don't-"

Dean just snorts in derision and walks out the door, closing it behind him with a slam. 

Dean starts walking down the quiet street. The contrast between the noise of the argument and the dead silence of the suburban neighborhood is pretty jarring. Dean realizes that he really doesn't know the area very well. He decides to just wander. He makes his way across the street and down an adjacent one. He fumes and thoughts race across his mind. This shit is unfair. He's saved the world! This is how he ends up? He can't even drive his baby alone any more. How is he supposed to hunt after this?

He looks up and notices that he's next to a small park. It's twilight now, so the neighborhood kids have all gone home. He remembers sneaking Sam out of a few motels rooms now and then to go to parks like this. He wanders over the swing set and pushes an empty swing with his foot. He sighs. Sam used to be small enough for one of these. He remembers pushing him. The kid was fearless, always wanting to go higher. Now he's taking care of Dean. That's never what he wanted for Sam. Sam had almost gotten what he deserved until Dean had woken up in that hospital; Amelia, a dog, a house. Dean sees a green bench at the side of the sand box and heads over. He sits with a groan and runs a hand over his face. He'll never get used to Sam taking care of him. It's supposed to be the other way 'round.

He turns his head up to look across the park, but jumps when he sees a man sitting on the bench next to his, looking down at the ground. Then, he notices that it's the same man he saw on the side of the road this afternoon. His face is covered in a scraggly beard and he looks even filthier up close. Dean turns his head and he looks around, not sure where the man had come from. When he turns his head back, the man has disappeared. 

Dean has no idea what to think, but the same feelings he experienced last time he saw the man are back. He felt like he was disappointing someone. Someone important. Sam had said that the man he had described sounded like Cas. Castiel. Was Cas important? Dean shakes his head of the thoughts and pulls out his cell phone. He couldn't remember what route he had taken to get here. He needs a ride. He sighs and hits the quick-dial button for Sam.

A few rings later, Sam's panicked voice comes over the phone, "Dean! Are you alright?"

"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine. Look, if I said I was sorry, would you come pick me up?"

There's a pause, then Sam says, "Fine. Where are you?"

Dean looks at the park's sign. It's a long word, so he has to concentrate for a second. "A park. Um…Peh-Peh-Pehkwa-"

"Pequeño Park," Sam interrupts. "I'll be there soon."

A few minutes later, Dean hears the rumble of the Impala's engine. He makes his way over to the passenger side door and climbs in. Before Sam has chance to say anything, Dean says, "I saw him again."

Sam doesn't say anything and Dean continues, "The same guy from this morning. The one you thought was Cas."

Sam leans back in his seat and says, "Where was he?"

"He was sitting on the bench next to mine. Just for a second; I looked away then he was gone again."

Sam sighs and says, "You don't think you're, you know, hallucinating him?

"How would I know? The docs said I was brain-damaged, not crazy!" Dean snaps. 

"Alright! Aright. Let's just get back home, okay? Amelia's worried about you."  
Dean rolls his eyes and watches out the window as Sam turns the car back towards the house.

 

* * * * * * *

 

The next morning, Dean wakes after a night of restless sleep. He had been dreaming about seeing things that he knew weren't real all around him; familiar scenes from hell, demons he knew were dead and monsters he had ganked himself. Nothing he hadn't seen before though. 

He gets up and walks down the hall to the bathroom, not bothering with pants. At the sink, he looks in the mirror and studies the dark circles under his eyes. He should try to get some more sleep. He rubs a hand over his face and turns on the cold water. He leans over and splashes water over his face. He reaches for a towel and pats his face dry. When he opens his eyes, he sees someone standing behind him in the mirror.

"Holy Shit!" he yelps as he whirls around. It's the man he saw on the side of the road. The man stares at him blankly, head tilted slightly to the side. His blue eyes run over Dean's face for a moment, and then he says, "Hello Dean."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay Cas! I felt kind of bad leaving him out for so long (It wasn't that long, was it?). I've started noticing that people are actually reading this and it makes me so happy! Thx y'all!


	4. Meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas has shown up and he hopefully has some answers for Dean and Sam

Sam and Amelia's heads snap up when they hear Dean's yell. Sam gets up from the couch and heads up the stairs, Amelia close behind. Sam reaches the hall bathroom and stops so suddenly when he looks inside, that Amelia almost bounces off him. There's Dean, staring at a very dirty, very bedraggled looking Cas.

"Cas?"

Cas tears his eyes away from Dean and Dean turns around to look at Sam. Cas says, very calmly, "Hello, Sam."

Sam can't help it; a huge smile breaks out across his face. "Cas! Unbelievable, man. I-I cannot believe it. You're actually here."

Cas gives him a small smile and says, "Yes. I've been trying to reach out, but for whatever reason, I wasn't at full power. So I couldn't connect with you." He looks at Dean when he says the last part.

Dean just continues to stare.

Amelia pipes up from behind Sam, "Sam? Who's this?" Sam freezes and turns around to look at Amelia. Oh shit. He needs to explain Cas to Amelia. Sam's mind goes blank. Dean saves him.

"Oh! This is Cas, an old friend of mine. He got into town early this morning, before you guys woke up. He's here to visit. Sorry, it was kind of a last minute thing."

Cas tilts his head and looks at Dean in confusion, but smartly keeps his mouth shut. Amelia asks, "Why'd you yell?"

Dean pauses and pulls another answer out of his ass, "Uh, Cas just came in while I was taking a piss. He forgot to knock."

Amelia pauses, and then smiles as she steps around Sam and offers a hand to Cas. She amiably says, "Hi Cas. I'm Amelia, Sam's girlfriend."

Cas looks at her hand, then takes it and gives it one firm shake. "Hello Amelia. It's good to see Sam has found a partner."

Amelia chuckles and says, "I'm just happy it was me. Well, since we have a guest, I'll get breakfast started!" She seems genuinely excited and almost bounds back down the stairs.

Once she's out of ear-shot, Sam turns back to Cas and says quickly, "Come on, Cas, come to my room. You too, Dean."

The three of them walk down the Hall to Amelia and Sam's room. Once Sam has the door closed behind them, Cas says, "I take it that Amelia does not know that you are hunters?"

Dean sits down on the end of the bed and Sam leans back against the door. Sam sighs and says, "Um, no, she doesn't. So, if you could play along, that would be great."

Cas nods and says, "Of course." 

They all pause for a moment, unsure of how to continue. Sam finally says, "So Cas, where have you been? You look like hell."

Confusion mars Castiel's face again and he looks between Dean and Sam. "Dean hasn't told you?"

Dean turns away and sighs, saying nothing. He looks very uncomfortable. Sam answers, "…No. Dean had an accident about six weeks ago. It caused some severe brain trauma. He doesn't remember the last year or so."  
Dean adds, "I don't remember you either. Sam mentioned that we were friends." Sam winces at Dean's blunt admission.

Cas' face falls. Sam has seen many expressions on Cas' face before, but he's never seen the guy look so outright hurt before. However, Cas quickly schools his expression and it turns back to his usual stoic mask. He nods and says, "Dean and I were in Purgatory."

Dean and Sam both straighten, looking at Cas with surprise. Dean says, "Purgatory as in, monster after-life, Purgatory?"

Cas nods and continues, "We were standing too close to Dick Roman when he died. We were pulled into Purgatory with him. Though we did not encounter him specifically while we were there. Dean and I… We were separated early on. I spent most of my time on the run from Leviathan. Unfortunately, an Angel is almost like a beacon in a place such as Purgatory. I was easy to find for them. It was a good long while before Dean found me. He had found an ally in the form of a vampire named Benny."

Dean looks at Cas incredulously and interrupts, "I joined up with a Vampire? Really?"

"Yes," Cas confirms. "Benny knew of a portal that led from Purgatory back to the mortal plane. You agreed to carry him back to the mortal world in exchange for helping you find me."

Dean looks away again. He's obviously having difficulty believing that he would go to so much trouble to find an Angel, Sam thought. Without his memories of Cas, he was probably convinced that Cas was a dick, like all the other angels.

Cas continues, "The three of us spent our time traveling and fighting off the monsters that inhabited Purgatory. Time must have passed differently there; it's difficult to know how fast we traveled or exactly how many monsters we killed. Eventually, Benny led us to the portal. However, as we approached it, Leviathan found us. There were too many of them for us to handle, so we ran. One of the Leviathans caught up to Benny and the last I saw of him, he was fighting. Dean was upset about Benny, but I forced him to keep going. Dean and I made it to the portal and Dean climbed in. Dean was reaching to, I believe, pull me through, but another Leviathan showed itself and I had to fight it off. By the time I looked back, the portal had closed."

They all sit in silence, contemplating Castiel's story. Eventually, Sam says, "So how did you get out?"

"I... have no idea. I remember endlessly running and hiding from Leviathan, and then I was on the side of the road in Texas. And that was it. Now I'm here."

Dean looks at Cas and asks, "That's it? Now you're here?"

"Yes." Cas seems to finally realize the state he's in and says, "Oh, I'm dirty."

Dean scoffs and mutters, "Yeah, you think?"

Castiel turns and walks into Sam's en suite bathroom and closes the door.

Sam turns to Dean and says, "Is any of this jogging your memory?"

Dean stares after Cas, several thoughts making their way across his brain. Was Castiel's story true? Did he really team up with a vampire? How else would he have gotten out? Did he really risk life and limb looking for Castiel, an angel, when he could have just pressed on towards the portal?

"Dean! Helloooo…" Sam's waving a hand in front of his face when he's brought back out of his zone. Sam asks, "You okay?"

Dean nods and says, "Yeah, just…I guess you were right. Cas is a friend. I mean, you trust him?"

Sam nods and says, "Like I said, he's saved us more times than I can remember."

"So, if this story is true, I must have cared enough to go traipsing through Purgatory with a vampire to find him. You know, when I could have just booked it to the portal."

"I've tried to tell you before, Dean. You and Cas especially seemed to have a connection."

Dean rolls his eyes. "Alright well, I guess we can ask him to poke around in my head; see if he can fix me."

Sam agrees, "Yeah, definitely."

Cas walks out of the bathroom then, in what Sam recognizes as his usual garb. The trench coat, the suit and the tie are there, shiny and new. He's even cleanly shaven. Cas spreads his arms and asks, "Better?"

Sam gives him a small smile and says, "Much. But, Cas, can you see if you can heal Dean's head injury? Maybe he'll remember things if you do that."

"Of course," He replies and strides towards Dean. Dean twitches as if he were going to stand, but decides to stay seated. Cas raises a hand to Dean's forehead. A bright light starts to emanate from his hand. Cas frowns and the light intensifies. Dean starts to feel some heat on his skin. After a moment, the heat gets so intense, Dean jumps back from Cas' hand yelps, "What the hell, man? That hurts!"

Cas looks at his own hand in confusion, then up to Dean. "I apologize. I didn't mean to hurt you." 

Sam says, "Is something wrong? What happened?"

Cas stops seemingly trying to figure out his hand and looks at Sam and says, "I don't believe I can heal Dean's injuries."

Dean stops worrying if he's got a burn on his forehead for just long enough to hear Cas. He turns and asks, "Why not? What's wrong?"

"I believe that your subconscious is preventing me from accessing the injuries."

The brothers just stare at Cas, waiting for an explanation. Cas continues, "Your injuries seem to be closely tied to your memories and I found a wall similar to what Death put up in Sam's mind. It doesn't seem to be malevolent in nature, but rather a mechanism of self-preservation. I believe that Dean's mind has tried to prevent further trauma to itself by closing off his memories of Purgatory." Cas stops there, but the three of them all know what he didn't say; "And me."

No one says anything for a few moments, contemplating what this could mean. "Sam! I made pancakes!" Amelia's muffled voice calls out from downstairs, cutting through the tense silence dully. 

Dean stands and heads to the bedroom door, pulling it open. "…Dean," Sam says in an almost whisper. Dean stops and snaps, "What? Amelia's going to think something's up if we don't go down there." He glances at Cas and says, "You too. She thinks you're our friend." Sam winces again at Dean's blunt statement. Dean walks through the door and disappears down the stairs.

Castiel and Sam stand together a moment before Cas says, "I'm sorry I can't heal your brother."

Sam sighs and says, "Cas, it's not your fault. Like you said the, uh, wall in his head is self-imposed. I guess…I guess we just need to wait until he's ready to face what's happened. I'm just sorry that, well, that he forgot you too."

Cas nods, but says nothing. Sadness is written across his face and he just looks down at the floor. Sam breaks the silence. "Well, we need to explain you to Amelia somehow. Let's say that you're an old coworker of Dean's. I told her that he used to work in an auto shop." Sam felt bad for lying to her, but they just weren't in a place yet where he could reveal the Winchester life story to her. 

"I can adapt," Cas says. For a moment, he isn't sure if Cas is talking to himself or to Sam. Sam walks through the door and down the stairs, gesturing for Cas to follow him.

They head down to the kitchen and find Dean sitting at the kitchen table with Amelia. Amelia smiles at them and Dean just continues to eat. There's a platter of pancakes on the counter, with a couple different types of syrup next to it. Sam pulls out a plate and offers it to Cas, who shakes his head. 

Amelia, nudging a chair with her foot, says to Cas, "Take a seat. Cas, right?" 

Cas sits in the offered chair and seems a little uneasy. Sam remembers that Cas' people skills leave something to be desired, and he's sitting at a table with a woman who he has to hide his angelic nature from and a friend who has forgotten him. It's no surprise that Cas might be uneasy.

Cas says, "Yes. Castiel."

"What kind of name is that? It sounds like it's an old one." 

Dean surprises Sam by coming out of his silence, "Religious. Named after an angel"

Amelia looks delighted and says excitedly, "Really? I haven't heard of Castiel before. I was brought up catholic too, though it didn't really take."

Castiel glances at Dean before he answers, "Yes. Um, Castiel is the angel of Thursday. He's also sometimes known as Cassiel."

As Sam is pulling out a chair to sit in, Dean blurts out of nowhere, "I think Castiel's better though." Sam gives Dean a questioning look. It's not like Dean to go around complimenting people like that. Dean shrugs, trying to convey that he doesn't know why he said it. Sam figures that it must be his new tendency to say things without thinking first, when he used to be so guarded.

Amelia doesn't seem to notice the quick exchange, though, and says, "I agree. It sounds better."

Cas tears his eyes away from Dean's face and says, "Thank you."

"So how did you and Dean meet?" She asks.

Dean freezes, unable to answer due to the mouthful of pancake he's currently masticating. Cas has gotten better at thinking on his feet over the years though and goes with the story that Sam gave him. "I used to work with Dean at an auto shop."

"Oh, yeah? Dean doesn't say much about his life before moving here. It's nice to fill in some of the details."

"Yes, I've known Dean for almost five years now."

Sam realizes that it's true. In September, it will have been five years since Castiel pulled Dean out of hell. He takes a moment to marvel at how time flies.

Amelia gives Dean a light push on the shoulder and says, "You should have said something Dean. You could have invited Cas over any time, him being an old friend."

"Yeah, well-" Dean's interrupted by Cas.

"I didn't want to intrude."

Amelia chuckles. "You're not intruding. You can stay as long as you want," she assures him. Sam knows that Amelia worries about Dean's lack of a social life since the accident. She's probably happy to know that there's someone out there for Dean other than Sam, though Sam knows he's been paying a lot of attention to him, much to Dean's chagrin.

Cas just smiles awkwardly in response. That's when Riot decides to make his entrance, nudging his head into Cas' lap. "Riot, no," Sam berates, expecting the hyper dog to become a nuisance around the food, but Riot seems determined to cuddle up on the new person. Cas smiles softly and puts his hand on Riot's head, rubbing softly. Riot just sits quietly, staring up at Cas and wagging his tail calmly.

"Huh," Dean grunts. 

Amelia says, "Wow, he must really like you, Cas. He's usually so hyper when there's food on the table and Sam has to tell him off."

Cas says simply, "I enjoy the company of animals."

Dean laughs and says, "You're a regular Disney princess. Look at him."

Cas frowns. "I don't understand that reference."

Sam chuckles and pats Cas' shoulder. "Don't worry about it. He's kidding," he assures him.

That afternoon, Amelia has left for work and the three of them are in the living room. Cas is flipping through channels on the TV, enraptured, and Dean is watching him do it in aggravation. Sam is in an armchair with his laptop, researching.

Sam is researching amnesia. He's found several online articles about Dissociative Amnesia. It seems that most of the articles agree with what Castiel had said. Victims of trauma will block traumatic memories from the conscious mind in order to protect themselves. They do it without realizing, of course. This explains a lot, actually. If Cas was closely involved with Dean's memories of purgatory, then it makes sense that his mind would go back and erase a major component of the trauma from his mind. Sam sighs and closes his laptop to watch Dean watching Cas.

Cas has stopped channel flipping on what seems to be a documentary about space. An image of the earth rotating peacefully is on the screen.

"Come on, man. If you're going to watch something, can it at least be something with some sort of excitement?" Dean complains.

Cas doesn't even look away from the screen to reply, "The human's perception of their own world is fascinating. I missed TV."

Dean snatches the remote from Cas' hand and starts channel flipping. He says, "Dude, if you want to see how humans view their own world, you should watch something better than some science documentary. That's just facts, no feeling to it."

Despite Dean not remembering Cas, he certainly seems to be falling back into familiar patterns with him. He acts comfortably around him, like his body is used to Cas' presence. Dean makes jokes and talks casually to Cas, his guard never coming up the way it did around other angels. Even if Dean doesn't remember Cas, his body and soul seem to remember him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These are some of the pages I looked at to do research for the story:  
> http://www.europsy-journal.com/article/S0924-9338%2813%2976685-9/abstract  
> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Post-traumatic_amnesia  
> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Complications_of_traumatic_brain_injury  
> http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/amnesia/basics/definition/CON-20033182
> 
> When I started writing this, I really wanted Dean's condition to be realistic, and from what I can tell, amnesia as a result of head trauma doesn't tend to last very long without more severe complications elsewhere. So, I thought, Dean's mind hasn't always been on his side, maybe it can be the reason for the memory loss. I think it works, right?
> 
> Thanks for reading, everyone!


	5. Inviting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas is with Winchesters now. What will he do now? And how do they hide his angelic nature from Amelia?

That night, Dean decides to cook burgers. There's a small charcoal grill on the back porch and Dean's been dying to use it. Sam sits at the picnic table across the porch and watches Cas attempting to play with Riot. Dean chuckles, watching as well. Cas has Riot's tug-o-war rope in hand, currently. Riot keeps jumping around, looking very excited to be playing with his new favorite friend.

"You're supposed let him grab it and then pull and fight him for it, Cas," Sam calls across to him. 

"No angelic strength though," Dean adds over his shoulder. Dean flips a couple burgers then turns to see how the game is progressing. Cas is holding the rope next to Riot's head when the dog suddenly grabs it and yanks it hard. Cas widens his stance and gives the rope a hard tug. The dog moves almost 3 feet despite digging in his feet. His tail starts wagging wildly. 

"Cas isn't so bad," Dean says. "He doesn't seem like the other angels I remember."

"I told you before, he's our friend. He gave up a lot to help us."

Dean stares at Cas, who has a smile on his face now, for only a moment longer before turning back to the grill to continue cooking. Amelia chooses that moment to open the sliding glass door to the back porch. Sam looks up at her and a grin splits his face, he reaches a hand out to her and sighs, "Hey there." Amelia smiles and sits on the bench next to him, taking his hand. "Hi, it's good to be home. That was a rough shift," she says, her shoulders visibly relaxing at Sam's touch.

Dean watches them together and feels a squeeze to his heart. He's been watching the two of them since he moved in and he's realized that this is the life for Sam; a quiet house, a hyper dog and a smart and beautiful girlfriend. Sam's been killed, sacrificed his life for the world, went to Hell for it and survived countless deadly situations before he was even of drinking age. Sam couldn't keep up the hunting life forever. He was a good, noble person, but if he kept at it, it was going to break him. Dean had been learning to be self-sufficient since age four and now the damage to his brain was making him a burden on his little brother. Sam couldn't be enjoying making sure that Dean didn't blow himself up with the stove or that he didn't run his car into the garage.

Just then, Dean heard Sam laugh at something and he turned around to see what was going on. Cas was watching Riot jump around with the tug-o-war rope in his mouth, seemingly gloating about his victory. Cas looks up at them says, "I don't think he's aware that I let him take the rope," with a slight air of confusion.

Dean can't help it, he lets out a bark of laughter and watches Cas leave the dog behind to join them on the porch. He sits at the bench across from Sam and Amelia. "Hello again, Amelia."

"Hi Cas. You guys do anything exciting today?"

Sam piped up, "We mostly just sat around the house and caught up."

Dean put the last of the burgers on a plate, brought them over to the table and set them down. The only space left was next to Cas and Dean took a seat. As he sat, his leg brushed up against Cas' under the table and he was about to apologize, a tinge of color to his cheeks, but Cas hadn't seemed to notice, so he let it drop. He starts putting together a burger and says, "Yeah, nothing too exciting. Cas watched documentaries on the Nat Geo channel all day."

"You like documentaries?" Amelia asks Cas.

"I like learning." Cas responds simply.

They all have a burger in front of them now except Cas. Dean notices this and grabs his plate and switches it Cas' empty one. He starts assembling himself a new burger. Sam gives him a raised eyebrow, but otherwise, the action goes unmentioned. For reasons beyond Dean's understanding, he's felt the urge to keep an eye on Cas all day; to make sure he's not wandering off and…What? Getting hurt? He's and angel, he can take care of himself. Dean doesn't understand why he cares if Cas is around, but some part of him tells him that if Cas leaves, it will be bad. Dean isn't sure if he trusts the guy yet, but it definitely seems that he needs to keep him around for now. His gut tells him so.

"So Cas, tell me about yourself. You have a girlfriend?" Amelia asks before shoving a fork of potato salad in his mouth.

Sam and Dean exchange looks, both wondering how he'll handle this curveball. Cas just stays calm and answers, "No. No significant other in my life. I'm not very…I don't get out much."

Amelia nods. "We should all go out together sometime. I miss acting like a young person sometimes," she says and sighs. She catches a looks from Sam and says quickly, "Not that I don't love nights in with you, but I'm only 30 and it'd be nice to get out sometime."

Dean joins in with, "You know a night out might not be so bad. Go play some pool, get a couple drinks." 

Sam raises his eyebrows and looks over to Cas. "Cas? You up for it?"

Cas nods and glances at Dean before saying, "I wouldn't mind."

"Alright, we'll go to that place near your work then." Sam smiles and asks Amelia, "What's it called?"

"Oh yeah, Czechers."

"Checkers?" asks Dean around a mouthful of burger.

"Like Czechs from Czechoslovakia," Amelia explains. "It's owned by a Czech family; the Mom's a real hard-ass."

"Sounds good. Tomorrow around eight, I guess?" Sam confirms looking around the table for any complaints.

Nothing comes, so they go back to eating. Dean notices that Cas hasn't taken a single bite of his burger yet, so Dean nudges him with an elbow. Cas glances at him Dean nods toward his plate as he takes a bite of his burger. Cas gets the message, picks up the burger and takes a bite with gusto. Dean shakes his head with a chuckle and goes back to the conversation. 

Later, when they're cleaning up, Amelia turns to Cas and casually mentions, "I'll pull out our air mattress and some bedding for you later. How long are you staying by the way?"

Cas, despite his usual smoothness with Amelia's questions over the day, falls flat on this one. He opens his mouth and when nothing comes out, he looks to Dean. Dean stops gathering up dishes and looks to Sam who inconveniently just shrugs and continues to wipe down the picnic table while being followed by a tail-wagging Riot. Before Dean can try to come up with anything though, Cas answers with a sigh, "My life is in a state of… flux right now. Unfortunately the Winchesters were the first people I thought of when I started having issues. I was hoping to stay with them until I figured out my next move."

All three of them just stare at Cas for a moment. Sam and Dean share a look of confusion before Sam looks to Amelia and gives her a hopeful smile. 

Amelia takes in Sam's puppy dog eyes and turns back to Cas, sighing. "Well Sam and Dean seem to care about you a lot. I can't turn a friend of theirs away when he's in need. You can stay as long as you need to." She turns to walk inside the house but stops quickly and gives them all a playful glare. "But no more strays after this one, Sam."

Sam huffs out a laugh and says, "No! No more strays. You head on upstairs and relax, I know you're tired. I'll get the dishes and Cas' bed."

She blows him a kiss and says with a yawn, "Thanks, babe."

They all three watch her go inside and once she's out of sight, Dean whirls on Cas, "Dude! You can't just invite yourself to stay over!"

"I'm sorry, I thought-" Cas starts but is interrupted by Sam.

"Dean! I've told you before about what Cas has done for us before, he's our friend!" Sam walks up to Sam and puts a hand on Cas' shoulder. "Like Amelia said, you can stay with us as long as you need to, Cas."

"Thank you, Sam." Cas glances at Dean who seems to have deflated a bit. 

"Yeah, sorry man. If Sam says it's okay, it's okay." Dean picks up the last dish and carries them inside, closing the sliding glass door behind him.

Sam looks at Cas. His shoulders are drooping and he looks up at the sky. Sam says quickly, "Don't worry about Dean, Cas. He'll warm back up to you soon. I think he's already on his way."

Cas turns soulful eyes to Sam and searches his face. "What does Dean remember of our time together?"

Sam runs a hand over his face and sits on the bench of the picnic table. "Whenever I asked about a memory involving you, he basically said that in his memories, it was an angel that he didn't remember their face or name. All the emotion was taken out of it. Whenever he tries to remember that kind of stuff, he gets very detached and his eyes go glassy. It's like he only half remembers it."

Cas sits next to Sam and looks down at his hands. "So he doesn't remember what I did with Crowley? The souls from purgatory? Or my attempt at being a god?"

Sam almost winces when he remembers these things. "Well, he remembers what happened. But he doesn't remember the betray- How hurt he felt. He remembers it like it was someone he barely knew doing it."

They sit in silence together for a few moments. Cas has been his friend for a while and Sam knows that Cas is ashamed of what happened, what he did. Sam had made some stupid decision before for what he thought was a good cause. He could relate.

"Is that why you want to stay? You don't want to go back to heaven after what happened?"

Cas nods. "I caused so much pain and death up there, Sam. On Earth, too."

"Well, like I said, you're welcome with us as long as you need to stay." He stands and gives Cas a light punch to the shoulder. "We might need to school you in some human stuff before Amelia starts to suspect something though. Like, you will probably have to change your clothes."

Cas looks down at his suit and coat. "I remember changing my clothes every day while I lived with Daphne."

"You should probably take some of Dean's until we get you your own. He's more your height. C'mon, let's get inside." Sam gestures for him to follow and heads inside. Dean is at the sink washing the dishes when they walk into the kitchen. Sam says, "Hey Dean, we were talking, and as long as Cas is here, he's gonna need to look as human as possible. Can you lend him some clothes until we get him his own?"

Dean shuts the water off and turns around to glare at them. "Why's it gotta be my clothes?" He asks as he dries his hands.

"Because you're not half a foot taller than him."  
Dean rolls his eyes, tosses the hand towel on the counter and heads towards the stairs. "Alright, fine. C'mon, Cas."

Cas follows behind Dean, just a little too close. It gives Dean's hair stand on end. They get inside his room and when he turns around to say something to Cas, he's only a foot away. "Jesus, man! Haven't you ever heard of personal space?"

Cas takes a step back, which only slightly lessons the awkwardness of his proximity. "Yes, you've told me about it before. I apologize."

Dean took a moment to process the fact that he didn't remember telling Cas that. However Cas' distance doesn't seem to bother him as much as Dean would expect. It had mostly just startled him. He shakes his head of that though and walks to the dresser, pulling out some items.

"Alright, well, I can take you shopping tomorrow. So we just need something for you to sleep in and something to wear tomorrow."

He holds up a plain black t-shirt and hands it to Cas. Then, he grabs some green athletic shorts and tosses hands them over too. He opens a drawer and pulls out a pair of jeans and looks at Cas' middle. "I think I might be a little thicker than you. You'll probably need that belt." Dean puts the jeans down on the bed and walks to the closet. He slides it open and looks at the shirts. A light blue shirt jumps out at him and he pulls it out. "This'll work. It doesn't quite fit me around the neck anymore." He puts the shirt with the jeans and looks back up to Cas. "You can change in the bathroom."

Cas looked as if he wanted to say something, he was shifting nervously, looking around the room, anywhere but at Dean. Dean just rolled his eyes and asked, "What is it man? Spit it out."

"Dean…I do not wish to make you uncomfortable. If you do not want me here, I can leave."

"Dude I already told you. Sam said you can stay."

"Dean, I am aware that Sam has expressed his opinion. But your opinion matters to me just as much, if not, more."

Dean's mouth hangs open for moment before snapping shut. "Cas, I-"

"I know that you do not remember me. But, I have made many mistakes since I betrayed heaven in order to help you. I feel that maybe this distrust that you feel toward me is residual of that. I do not wish to remain if I truly make you feel uncomfortable."

Dean considered this a moment. He though over the events of the day and his urge to keep Cas in sight. He also, had noticed his feeling of comfort around Cas. Whenever his mind was actively paying attention and remember his and Sam's treatment by Heaven and the angels, he felt the need to protect himself from this stranger. But the rest of the time, Cas just seems to be their awkward friend. Dean can let his guard down around him. Plus, this strange urge to keep Cas around wouldn't let him send him away. It would be bad if Cas left.

"Cas, look, I'm sorry about being all…"He trailed off with a vague hand wave." The truth is, I get the feeling I can trust you and that you should hang around. So, please. Stay." A tinge of pink dusted across Dean's cheeks at the words. "Hell, where did that come from?" he thought.

Cas was standing very close again and he smiled. The color on Dean's cheeks deepened a bit and he quickly walked out the door, calling over his shoulder, "Go get changed!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long to get this chapter out! I got a little stuck. I'm trying to tie on some elements from the series. Cas doesn't want to head back to Heaven because of what he did and so on. let me know what you guys think! Enjoy!


	6. Reminding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean's only just getting used to the idea of an angel in the house when a memory comes back.

When Dean woke up bright and early the next morning, he had almost forgotten that an angel that had supposedly been his friend had come to play house with them yesterday. However, when he came downstairs, he found Castiel sitting on the perfectly made air mattress that Sam had set up last night. Dean knew that he hadn't actually slept in it, angels didn't sleep. But somehow, Cas looks like he had been sleeping. The black t-shirt and green athletic shorts are wrinkled and Cas' hair is even more unkempt than yesterday. He is sitting cross legged on the air mattress, with the TV remote in hand, staring at what seems to be a documentary about the deep ocean. Cas tears his rapt gaze from the TV and looks up at Dean and gives him what could be described as a sunny smile.

"Hello Dean."

Dean flops down on the couch still situated behind the air mattress. "Morning, Cas," He grumbles. They had pushed the coffee table out of the way to make room for Cas' bed, so it was between the TV and the couch. Cas looks over his shoulder at Dean, a look of concern on his face.

"Are you alright?"

"What? Yeah, I just- I just had this dream keeping me up most of the night."

"What was it about?"

"Nothing. Is Sam or Amelia up yet?" Dean asked in order to leave this line of questioning behind.

"No, I believe they might have spent the morning engaging in sexual activities," Cas says with a considering look towards the ceiling.

"Wha- Dude! TMI. I didn't need to know that." Dean leapt from the couch and made his way into the kitchen. He needed coffee, dammit. 

"I'm sorry. I forget that humans have strange social restrictions on discussing certain subjects. Like family members and sexual situations."

"Yeah, well, don't forget again." Dean is looking around the kitchen for the coffee filters. He knows that he needed them for the coffee. It says right there on the notes next to the coffee maker: 

1 - Pull out basket  
2 - Put coffee filter in basket  
3 - Put ground coffee in basket. 5 scoops.  
4 - But basket back in  
5 - Fill pot to red line  
6 - Pour water in coffee maker  
7 - Put pot back in coffee maker  
8 - Hit start/red button

Now he was stuck at number two and he couldn't remember, for the life of him, where the coffee filters were. He does this every morning, how could he forget? He checks a few of the cupboards, the drawers, and anywhere else he could think of. He starts getting frustrated. "Where the hell-" He turns around and Castiel is suddenly in his space again. Cas takes a step back before Dean can say anything.

"May I help?" Cas asks, innocently.

"Uh, yeah… I'm looking for the coffee filters. White, made of thin paper?"

Cas nods and walks to the coffee machine. He seems to read the notes. Dean has the sudden urge to explain.

"Those are 'cause of my…" Dean trails off and Cas glances at him. Dean taps his head to indicate the brain trauma. Dean still has trouble calling it what it was, sometimes. Especially around new people. Cas turns back to the notes and says, "I gathered." Dean continues looking after rolling his eyes. Like an angel would know where to look for coffee filters.

A couple minutes later, Dean's frustration peaks and he tosses a can opener across the room. A coffee mug breaks and Dean sits at the kitchen table in a huff. It's been harder to reign in his frustration with his new issues lately. He'll throw things or yell, and Dean feels bad. He's used to being able to keep things like this in and under wraps. As the doctor put it, "His inhibitions are down."

A plastic bag full of coffee filters is put on the table in front of him. He looks up at Cas, who just put them there. Cas is wearing a sympathetic smile and puts a hand on Dean's shoulder. Dean leans back in his chair and sighs, "Can you…Make the coffee? I'll clean up the mess."

Cas grabs the coffee filters and heads back to coffee maker. Dean wanders down the hall to the cleaning closet and finds the broom. He starts to sweep up what's left of the coffee mug and watches Cas reads the instructions and makes the coffee. If Sam had been the one here, he's sure he'd be getting a lecture about losing his temper. Cas just cooperated with him and gave him space. Sam has been hovering over him like a nerdy little helicopter; observing and reporting back to Dean things that he already knows. He needed to keep his temper under control. Use notes when he can't remember something. He knows these things and didn't need to be reminded, it just was going to take time for him to do it automatically. It was nice not to have someone hovering and breathing down his neck. Cas was just…there.

A few minutes later, the mess is cleaned up and Dean is pouring himself a mug of coffee. "You want a mug, Cas?" Cas considers for a moment before nodding. Dean pulls out another mug and pours some coffee for him. He sets down the little tray of sugar and creamer for Cas and takes a seat. They sit in comfortable silence for a moment before Cas says, "You said we were going shopping today."

Dean nods, "Yeah. A suit isn't generally considered every day clothes for us regular folk." 

"You might have to advise me. When I was living with Daphne, she frequently said my own choices were…odd."

"Daphne? Who's Daphne?" Dean asks, suddenly confused. Cas used to live with a woman? What woman? 

"Ah yes, I'm sorry. I had lost my memories and was unaware that I was an angel. I lived with a woman named Daphne who posed as my wife for about six months. I still had the angelic ability to heal people and I helped who I could. My name was Emmanuel, then," Cas says all this very casually, as if it were something that happened to everyone at one point or another. Then he continued, "I suppose it's not all that dissimilar from what you're experiencing now. I too, had memories I did not exactly welcome back." Cas turns the same sympathetic eyes on him again.

Dean just stares at him for a moment, unsure of how to react. "How did you get your memories back?"

A small smile quirks Cas' lips, "You."

"Me? But I-," Dean stops suddenly, a memory swirling up from the depths of his brain. He remembers Sam being sick. He was hallucinating and almost never sleeping. He was in a mental institution. Dean had been desperate when he had gotten a call from a hunter friend telling him about a man named Emmanuel. He remembers going to Emmanuel's house and there being a demon, He fought it off, looked down the stairs, and saw Cas. He remembers asking Cas to come with him and the awkward ride to the hospital and meeting Meg along the way. He remembers that Cas had regained his memories while smiting demons and had taken on Sam's burden in order to save him. He remembers that he had felt so terribly alone with someone who should have known him inside and out, even if he can't remember why.

"I remember," Dean mutters, eyes glazing over.

"You do? How much?" Cas asks, straightening in his seat with interest.

"Just those couple of days. I remember you taking Sam's…insanity or whatever." He makes eye contact with Cas then. "You really did that for him?"

"…Yes. I thought of it as part of my penance, for mistakes in the past."

Just then, Sam comes bounding into the kitchen, sweaty and disheveled. He looks at them both with a friendly smile while. "Morning, guys. What's up?"

Before Dean can say anything, Cas says, "Dean's regained a memory."

That stops Sam dead in his tracks. He sits down at the table and starts in with the questions, "What? Really? What do you remember? How much? When did you-"

Dean cuts him off with, "Sammy! Calm down. It's just one thing. I remember finding Cas so he could help you. You know, when you were hallucinating about Lucifer in the hospital."

Sam takes a moment to look between the two of them. "That's right, Cas, you had lost your memories too. Do you remember anything else?" He asks Dean.

"Well, I mean, I could remember it before. I just remember that it was Cas, now. And that he didn't remember me. It's a lot clearer now."

Sam nods furiously, his brain clearly working a mile a minute. "We should tell your doctor about this, man." When Dean rolled his eyes, he quickly added, "At your next appointment. This is great, though. You got something back. I had a feeling having Cas around might help."

Cas smiles, obviously pleased to have helped in some way. However, Deans is just further confused by the feelings that the new clarity of his memories has brought. Why was he so crushed that Cas didn't remember him? He hadn't just been upset, he had been downright heartbroken. Had Cas really mattered to him that much? Who was Cas to him?

* * * * * *

Later, Sam and Amelia stay at home while Dean and Cas go out to the nearest Wal-Mart, in Odessa, to find a small wardrobe for Cas. Dean keeps looking over at Cas as they drive. He knows that Sam gave him the talk about making sure Dean doesn't zone out on the road. However, Cas doesn't seem to be nervous about Dean's driving ability. It must be an angel thing. He doesn't do things unconsciously out of worry. Except, that's not true, is it? He looked nervous last night when he thought Dean might want him gone. So Dean's abilities don't make him nervous, but whether or not Dean wants him-. Dean shakes his head of that thought quickly. It's best not to go down that road.

Dean pulls into the parking lot and finds a spot near the doors. It's still early for the weekend shopping crowd, so it was pretty easy. Cas follows him into the store and towards the men's section. Dean begins by saying, "Alright, so I guess you're gonna need your own thing to sleep in and maybe a couple pairs of jeans and some shirts." Dean looks to Cas and gestures at the racks. "You have any idea what you like?"

Cas looks him up and down and Dean fidgets under the scrutiny. "I think something similar to what you and Sam wear. Simple and functional."

Dean chuckles and says, "Well let's see if we can do that without it looking like we picked out matching outfits."

A little later, Dean had helped Cas pick out four shirts and two pairs of jeans. Dean was sitting outside the dressing room, tapping his foot impatiently. Cas calls out to him, "I believe it fits. Can you make sure of that, though?" Cas comes out of the first stall and Dean stands to take a look. He's in socked feet and wearing a pair of dark jeans, a black t-shirt and a dark blue button up. As he steps out, he's buttoning the third button from the top. Dean looks him over as Cas hold his arms out to the sides. 

"You look...normal. It looks good on ya." Cas smiles at the compliment and Dean feels his cheeks heat a little. "Does everything else fit the same way?" Cas nods in the affirmative and Dean says, "Alright, well, get back into the clothes from before and we can find something for you to sleep in, then get outta here." Cas heads back into the dressing room. Dean thinks back to earlier, when he had seen Cas in his clothing in the first time. Admittedly, it wasn't his favorite clothes or anything, but Dean had enjoyed seeing Cas in something more casual. Amelia had even said that Cas looked even more handsome when he looked more relaxed. Sam gave her a teasing look and poked her ribs with a, "Hey!"

Cas did look more approachable in regular clothes. Now, he kinda reminded Dean of Anna, who had seemed normal and relatable. A vision of him and Anna in the back seat of the Impala flashed across his mind. The memory of warm skin under his hands and searching angelic eyes raced across his brain. He quickly shuts down that thought. Cas didn't remind him of Anna that way. Cas was…something else.

Cas comes out of the dressing room with the clothes draped over his arm. Dean claps his hands together and leads Cas towards the sleepwear section. Cas is immediately drawn to a certain rack of pajama pants. Dean raises an eyebrow and goes to see what Cas has discovered. He almost chokes on a laugh.

Cas has found a flannel pair of pajama pants in sky blue covered in little cartoon designs of bees. "You like bees?" Dean asks.

Cas nods and pulls the hanger off the rack. He almost immediately sees something else and drifts towards it. He's found a long sleeved sleeve t-shirt in the same color with a blown up version of the same bee from the pants on it. "Cas, you can't wear this, you'll look like a five-year-old," Dean sighs. With his hand still gripping the cuff of the shirt's sleeve, Cas looks over his shoulder at him with what can only be described as puppy-dog-eyes. Dean sighs again. "You really like it, don't you?" Cas nods and doesn't let go of the shirt. It's almost like he and the shirt are holding hands and standing in solidarity against Dean together. Dean's shoulder slump and he gives in. "Whatever makes you happy, man. Grab it and let's get out of here." Cas smiles and pulls the medium shirt off of the rack.

While on their way home, Cas surprises Dean by asking, "Dean, do you plan on returning to hunting eventually?"

Dean's grip on the steering wheel tightens. "I don't know, Cas. I want to. I don't really know what else to do with myself."

"Dean, you are capable of many things other than hunting the supernatural. I've seen your affinity for cars before. What about that?"

"Well, I don't know if anyone's going to let me work on their cars if I can't even make coffee without freaking out," Dean said with an air of finality that Cas did not pick up on.

"Sam said that your condition would improve with time."

Dean rolls his eyes. "Yeah, well, you said that even you can't heal me."

"I said that your subconscious wouldn't let me."

"Yeah, well, if I could control my subconscious, I would!" Dean yells pounding his hand on the steering wheel, his volume suddenly much higher than he expected. He winces and pulls the car over, his arm is out of the plaster cast, and in a Velcro brace, but it still hurts if he uses it the wrong way or hits it. He opens his eyes when he feels a hand on his arm. Cas has his right hand on Dean's forearm, and a white light is being emitted. A dull warmth spreads from Cas' hand up and down his arm. Dean can't help it, he looks at Cas' face.

"When I couldn't remember that I was angel, I felt useless. I didn't know why, but I felt like I was so much less than what I could be. It frustrated me. I found that helping others helped me, but the feeling didn't go away completely. It wasn't until you came back into my life that I finally found my place in this world. You helped me find myself again. I'm sorry that I can't heal you Dean, but if I can help you find your place again, I would like to. I would like to help you the way you helped me. I have faith that you will find your way back."

Cas looks up at him then, his blue eyes searching Dean for something. Dean can only stare back, baffled by this incredible admission of fondness and faith. Dean's suspicions that Cas is worth keeping around are confirmed. Cas, despite Dean's recent standoffish behavior, is still willing to stay in a regular human home with him and Sam and help Dean figure out some very human things. Any other angel would see it as beneath them for sure. Cas is different. 

Dean swallows and notices their proximity. Cas is leaning over the seat of the impala with his hand holding Dean's arm and his face is only inches from his Dean's. It's suddenly very warm in the car and Dean doesn't think it's from Cas' healing light. Dean feels his face heat up even more. Cas adjusts himself and leans back into his own space, snapping Dean out of reverie. They stay silent for a moment while Dean collects himself. He flexes his hand and realizes that Cas has healed him. He tears at the Velcro holding the brace on. 

"Cas…Thanks. Not just for healing me." There are probably a million other things that Dean could thank him for, he realizes. Things that he doesn't even remember. However, Cas just smiles and says, "Of course, Dean."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I certainly banged this out quick. Unsurprisingly, it's easy to write Dean and Cas being silly and domestic around each other. Now I know why other people like writing it so much.


	7. Learning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam, Amelia, Cas and Dean head out to a bar to have a night off. Cas learns some things from Amelia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the comments, guys. I appreciate it a lot. I always want feedback. Stay tuned! It's gonna get even schmoopier. 
> 
> And in case you're not a Led Zepplin fan and you want to know...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a3HemKGDavw

At 7:56 that night, Amelia was in full preparation mode. She had locked herself in her and Sam's room, picking out outfits, doing her hair and covering every detail of her makeup. No stone was going unturned. It was quite possible that she was a little over excited about the idea of a real night out with adults. Dean's preparation for a night out usually consisted of changing his shirt and a reapplication of deodorant. Sam's preparation was about the same as Dean's. Cas decided that he was going to wear his black jeans and his new dark blue shirt.

Cas and Dean are downstairs on the couch, with another documentary on the ocean on the TV, waiting for the couple to come downstairs. Dolphins are herding fish onto a beach and almost beaching themselves in the process of catching said fish. Cas considers the almost insanity that this method of hunting requires. Maybe dolphins are thrill seekers. Many humans engage in dangerous activities just for an exhilarated feeling. 

Over the years since Cas had met the Winchesters, he had experienced many emotions that angels were never meant to have; anger, loss of faith, confusion, doubt, wonder, amazement, affection. He had been created to be a tool, not a thinking, feeling person. However, here he is; pretending to be a human in a human home with his human friends. He even fears returning to heaven not just for his own safety but because he's afraid to see what he's done to his home.

He glances over at Dean, thinking over the concept of home. After his many experiences with Winchesters, the idea of home is more than just a point of origin now. Home is acceptance, comfort, and caring.

Dean's injuries and memory loss had hurt him at first. The same memories that Dean had lost defined their relationship in so many ways. However, as selfish as it may be, Castiel was feeling a certain amount of relief that Dean did not remember his betrayal with Crowley or his brief stint as a self-proclaimed god. He remembers Dean's face being a strange mix of fear, hurt, and hope when he had returned the souls to purgatory. Castiel had felt hope at the same time. Hope for a repaired relationship; that Dean might trust him again. And here he was, trusting him again, only because he had forgotten everything. Cas could tell him, but that wouldn't bring back Dean's memories. Dean had to be willing to remember on his own before Cas could heal him.

A voice cuts through Cas' thoughts. "Cas, man. You're staring." Castiel blinked and realizes he had, indeed, been staring. He turns back toward the TV. The dolphins are swimming through the open ocean now. "You okay, man? You nervous about going to the bar?"

Cas chuckles and says, "Dean, you once took me to a brothel to partake in a prostitute and I have been in many bars with you since."

"I did? Really?" Dean asks, now sitting up with interest. "So? How'd it go?"

"I made the mistake of attempting to comfort the prostitute by telling her about her father."

Dean lets out a bark of laughter, "Man, that's something I wish I remembered. Huh, I don't remember it at all."

Cas frowns, "Probably because it so closely involved me."

"Dude, c'mon. It's probably not your fault. It sounds like we had fun." Dean knocks him amiably on the shoulder and a smile appears on Cas' face.

"You did say later that you had fun."

"See? Don't worry about it."

Amelia comes down the stairs then in a knee length black dress and red pumps. Her hair is piled up on her head and she has bright red lipstick on. Dean stands and Cas follows his lead. "Wow, you clean up good, Amelia," Dean says admiringly.

Amelia unleashes a bright smile and answers, "Thanks, Dean."

Sam follows close behind Amelia, saying, "Hey! Off limits. You have your own date!"

Cas isn't sure what they're referring to until Dean laughs and says, "Yeah right. I'm much too classy a guy for Cas."

Cas finally catches up and says, "Dean, if anything, I would be too classy for you. I speak in a much more refined manner."

All three humans stop for a moment, taking in what Cas just said. Cas begins to worry that he's said something inappropriate when they all laugh. A smile spread across his face. Dean lightly punches his shoulder again and says, "Cas, don’t ever change. Alright! Out to the car. Let's get this night going."

* * * * * * * 

20 minutes later, the four of them are climbing out of the Impala looking at a plain looking building with a neon sign on the front proclaiming "Czechers," to the world. Sam made his way to the front door and held it open as they all filed in. For a Saturday night, it wasn't too crowded. Kermit was a small town, so it didn't exactly attract the young and trendy crowd. Most of what populated the bar tonight was 30-somethings and up making their weekly escape from life. There was also a group of what looked like a bunch of kids in their early twenties in a booth towards the back. Amelia led the group to an open booth next to the front window. Amelia sat next to Sam facing the bar and Cas slid in next to Dean. 

A bubbly red head with a red apron walked up to them and said, "Hey Amelia! Nice to see you here without the vet crowd. Who are all these handsome men?"

"Hey Dawn. This is Sam, my boyfriend, his brother Dean, and their friend Cas." Sam raised a hand in greeting, Cas nodded, and Dean grinned. Dawn's grin lingered on Cas for just a moment.

"Well, you must be a lucky one to have all these good-looking guys just hanging around."

Amelia chuckles and says, "I know. Especially this guy." She leans over and gives Sam a smooch and he smiles contentedly.

"Alright! Well, what can I get y'all? Our nachos are great and our Margaritas are even better."

"Nachos sound great. I'll have a pint of the Sam Adams on tap," Dean says. 

"I'll have the Sam Adams too," Sam says.

Amelia adds, "Let's get an order of the hot wings too, and a margarita for me."

Dawn looks at Cas with a raised eyebrow. She looks him up and down appraisingly. "How about you, sugar?"

Cas glances at Dean, unsure what to order. Dean answers for him, "Get him a pint of the Hef."

Dawn's eyes flick back and forth between Dean and Cas and she puts her ticket book back into her apron pocket. "Alrighty, I'll go put that in, y'all just holler if you need me."

Dean leans back in to booth and looks around the bar. "Man, it's been so long since I've been at a real bar."

"Yeah, Dean don't get too excited. We don't need anything crazy happening, " Sam says warningly.

"Yeah, untwist your panties, I'll play nice," Dean grumbles.

Amelia chuckles and says, "I'm sure Dean will be fine. Cas will keep an eye on him."

Dean's about to protest when Dawn returns with their drinks. She smiles and says, "Here y'all go. Two Sam Adams, One Hefeweizen, and a margarita for the lady." She sets their drinks down and winks at Cas. "Your food'll be out soon." Cas responds to her wink with a smile; he's unsure what the wink means. Dawn smiles and walks off to attend to other patrons.

Amelia leans forward and says conspiratorially, "Cas, she was giving you the eyes."

Sam laughs and says, "She certainly was."

"What does that mean? That she was "giving me the eyes." Cas asks

Dean sighs and rolls his eyes. He says, "Cas, you want to play some pool?"

Amelia looks at Dean and says with annoyance, "Just a second, Dean. Cas, I mean she was looking at you like she thinks you're attractive, that's all. I'm just saying, if you want to make a move, I think she'd be okay with it."

Cas has no idea how to respond to that. He's supposed to be pretending to be human. Should he respond to her? Is that expected of him now? "I- I, uh…"

Just then, Dean grabs his sleeve and pulls him out of the booth. "C'mon Cas, let's take a look at the juke box. I'll teach you about Zeppelin."

Cas follows Dean across the bar to the juke box. Dean's hand is still bunched in his sleeve and Cas can feel the warmth of Dean's skin through the fabric. When Dean's hand falls away as the reach the juke box, Cas finds he misses the warmth. Dean looks at him and says, "Sorry, man. You don't have to talk to waitress if you don't want to. It seemed to make you nervous."

"I am not very well versed in human courting. I would not know what to do next."

"Don't worry about it then. Now. Led Zeppelin." Dean gestures dramatically at the juke box. "Most juke boxes have the basics. Let's see…Here we go. Ramble on. One of my favorites." Dean fishes a few coins out of his pocket and pushes them into the machine. He pushes a couple more buttons then stands back. A guitar melody starts playing over the speakers and Dean smiles. "This song is great, man."

Cas stands listens a clear voice softly joins the guitar. The man sings of falling leaves, thanks and leaving. The music intensifies and Dean bobs his head to couple notes. Castiel smiles along. It's always nice to see Dean in such a relaxed state. Castiel is more used to seeing him guarded and tense with worry. Whether it's the end of the world or simple demons, Dean is always fighting. It's pleasant to see him relaxed and just enjoying some music.

However, Dean just blurts out, "Man I'm horny."

"Excuse me?" Cas asks, turning his eyes to Dean's.

"Oh, dude, sorry. I'm not so good at not blurting shit out now. It's a part of the-." Dean taps his head. He sees Cas staring at him and color tinges his cheeks. "Dude, forget it, it's not your issue. I'm just in a good mood and it's just been a while and I can only take care of it myself for so long."

Cas smiles ruefully and says, "I believe our food has arrived. We should go back to the others."

"Uh, yeah, sure."

They both head back to the booth and the food has indeed arrived. Sam and Amelia are laughing about something and Sam's arm has wormed it way around her shoulders. Cas slides into the booth and Dean follows after. Sam asks, "Education complete?"

"Never. But it’s a start," says Dean and pulls a nacho out of the huge pile on the plate.

"It's a pleasant song," adds Cas.

"See? He already likes it," Dean says triumphantly, and Sam shakes his head and grabs himself a hot wing. 

* * * * * * *

Later, Sam and Dean are playing pool while Amelia and Cas look on. Sam laughs at something Dean said and lines up another shot. Dean takes a swig from a bottle and chuckles along. Sam had objected at first to Dean drinking; something about Dean's medications. However, Dean agreed to limit himself. He had only had two beers in two hours. The same could not be said for Amelia. Her enthusiasm for having a night out with the boys had led to three margaritas in two hours and she was currently working on her fourth. 

"Cas, you're staring," Amelia says wryly.

Cas tears his eyes away from the brothers and their game. Amelia has a smirk on her face. He quickly looks down at his beer and thumbs at the moisture on the side. "I have been told that I have a habit of doing that."

"I've noticed," Amelia says and takes another sip of her strawberry margarita. "I've also noticed that you're usually staring at something in particular. Yeah. I mean, I can see why. I love Sam, but I'm not blind."

Cas continues to play with the moisture on the side of his glass and says, "I'm not sure what you mean."

Amelia sighs and leans back in her seat and says, "You know what I mean. Makes sense now why you didn't even look twice at Dawn. You stare at him and you smile at him and you follow him around."

Cas looks up at her then, understanding striking. "Dean."

"Yes! Dean. You like him."

"Dean and I have been friends for many years."

"No, I mean you like him like you find him attractive."

Castiel thought for a moment, then answered, "I supposed Dean's appearance is pleasing."

Amelia giggles. "Yeah, but you like him more than thinking he's hot. You look at him like he hung the moon."

"I don't know what you mean by that."

"What I mean is that you look at him like he's the most amazing thing there ever was."

"Oh." Dean is amazing. Dean's saved the world more than once, saved countless lives and done it all without a thought for himself and while taking care of his brother. "Well, he is amazing."

Amelia's demeanor changes a bit from playful to somber. "Sam talks about him like that too, sometimes. I guess Dean basically raised him. Sam looks up to him a lot. But you, it seems to be different with you."

"In what way?"

"Like I said, you're attracted to him."

"You mean…Romantically."

"Yes! Romantically."

Cas suddenly feels some very un-angelic things happen to him all at once. He feels his vessel's heart beat faster and feels heat fill his face. He doesn't feel that way about Dean does he? He certainly cares deeply about Dean. He even said once that there's a more profound bond between the two of them. Does that profound bond lead to love, though?

He's broken out of his reverie by Dean's sliding into the booth next to him. Cas doesn't have time to move out of the way, and is almost pushed by the solid line of Dean's body. "Hey guys," Dean greets and signals Dawn for another round. As Sam settles in next to Amelia, Dean asks, "So, what are you guys talkin' about?"

"Nothing. I was just trying to engage Cas in some girl talk." Amelia winks at Cas and he feels his face only heat more.

Sam says, "I can't imagine that Cas would be very good at girl talk."

"Kinda like how you're not very good at pool," Dean says casually before finishing his beer. "Ow!" Dean yelps as he receives a quick kick under the table from Sam.

"I beat you," Sam says petulantly.

"Yeah, well, I have a natural handicap now," Dean says with more venom than he probably meant to. The table goes quiet for a moment before Dean says, "Shit, sorry."

Amelia offers, "Don’t worry about it Dean, we know you can't help it."

Dean just slumps into his seat. Cas has the urge to reach out and put what hopes would be a comforting hand on Dean's shoulder, but Amelia's words from earlier hold him back. Is that something a person with romantic interest would do? He decides that it doesn't matter, he will comfort his friend if he needs it. He puts a hand on Dean's shoulder and gives him a small smile. He agrees with Amelia and says, "It's true, Dean. Think nothing of it."

Dean makes eyes contact with him and seems to consider him a moment before straightening himself and saying, "Yeah, fine. No more chick-flick moments." Dean says through a yawn, "I think the beer is hitting my meds and knocking me out of the game."

Sam looks over at Amelia who smiles back at him dreamily. "Yeah, I think it's time to bow out," he agrees.

Sam pays at the bar with an arm around Amelia. Cas and Dean wander outside and wait for him to finish. Dean wanders over to the Impala and leans against it with a yawn. "Man I feel like an old man. It's not even midnight."

Cas leans against the impala next to him and says, "Well, you said that it was due to the alcohol's reaction to your medication. It's not your age."

Dean huffs a small laugh. "Yeah, I know, Cas. It was just a figure of speech."

"Oh," Cas says and looks up at the sky. In a small town like Kermit, it's easier to see the stars and it seems to be a particularly clear night.

"You sure you don't want to go back?"

Cas turns to find Dean looking at him. "I'm sure."

"It's gotta be better up there than hanging out down here with us." Dean is looking at him like he's trying to figure out how Cas works.

"Dean, I know you don't remember them, but there are reasons returning to heaven would not be good. Also, there is nowhere I'd rather be than here, by your side."

Dean's face turns a definite shade of red and he quickly breaks eye contact with Cas. "You mean us. By our side."

"No," Cas says.

Dean looks back up at him, visibly startled. Cas continues, "Sam is a dear friend and I care about him. However, I feel that I-"

Just then, Sam and Amelia came out of the bar, Amelia laughing softly. Dean tears his eyes from Cas' face and calls over to them, "Everything taken care of?"

Sam smiles back and says, "Yup. Ready to go?"

"Yeah, let's get outta here." Dean tosses the keys to Sam and opens the car door. He climbs in the back seat. Sam looks from Dean to Cas, to the keys. Sam shrugs and gets into the driver's seat after muttering, "Must be in a good mood." Amelia opens the front passenger door and gives Cas a quick wink before climbing in.

"Cas, c'mon," Dean's voice says from the back seat. Cas smiles and gets in next to him. The Impala's engine roars to life and they head towards home.


	8. Dealing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been over year since Dean did the dirty with anyone. He does his best to keep it to himself, but it's starting to show.

Dean is standing in a barn with Bobby. The walls are littered in black paint. Almost every kind of protection symbol is there; ancient Incan to Christian to Hindu. He has a knife in his hand and Bobby sits on the other table with a sawed off shot gun. "Are you sure you did the ritual right?" Dean asks. He feel anxious, ready to get this over with.

Bobby gives Dean an impatient look. Dean rolls his eyes and mumbles, "Sorry. Touchy touchy."

Suddenly, the walls start to rattle and the metal sheeting on the roof bangs. Dean and Bobby stand, grabbing their weapons. They look around, waiting for something. Despite his goose bumps, Dean quips, "Wishful thinking, but maybe it's just the wind."

They both jump as the hanging lamps above them start blowing their bulbs, raining sparks down on them both. They hear creaking wood and Dean sees the beam across the door beginning to bend and snap. It gives way and the huge doors almost lazily swing open to reveal a very calm looking man walking towards them. Bobby and Dean manage to collect their wits and open fire despite the flashing light and the sparks. The man is hit several times in the chest and gives no visible reaction. He just continues to walk towards them. Dean's heart rate feels like it's tripling. 

The man is close, now and Dean picks up the demon knife after receiving an anxious look from Bobby. Dean circles as the man comes level with him. He just looks like a regular person with a trench coat, suit and a human looking face. Dean finds his voice, "Who are you?"

The man says, "I'm the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition."

"Yeah…Thanks for that," Dean says. He swings his arm hard and buries the demon blade deep in the man's chest. He pulls back and sees the man still looking at him. Confusion overtakes dean as the man looks down at the blade, and simply pulls it out of his chest. Bobby comes up behind the man and swings a crowbar at him. The man raises a hand and intercepts it without even looking. He turns and presses two fingers to Bobby's brow and Bobby falls to the floor. Dean stares, slack-jawed.

The man turns to Dean and says, "We need to talk Dean. Alone." The man turns away and begins to look at the items on the tables.

Dean rushes to Bobby's side and checks his pulse, quickly. Without looking up, the man says, "Your friend is alive."

Dean look the man over and asks, "Who are you?"

"Castiel."

"Yeah I figured that much. I mean, what are you?"

Castiel finally looks up from the book he found and says, "I am an Angel of the Lord."

Dean considers this a moment and stands. "Get the hell outta here. There's no such thing."

Castiel puts down the book and walks away from the table before turning back to Dean. "This is your problem, Dean. You have no faith." At that moment, lighting strikes outside and casts in shadow, stretching across the walls behind Castiel, the shape of two very large wings. Dean can only stare.

"I have faith that you will find your way back to yourself," Castiel says with a small smile.

Dean frowns. This isn't how it goes. He was supposed to say something about Pamela's eyes, Cas' voice shattering glass, Cas' vessel, Dean's lack of faith, then the work from god. Cas most certainly didn't smile like that at him. 

Dean is suddenly broken out of his reverie by a hand on his face. His eyes snap up and lock onto blue ones. Cas is suddenly much closer.

"I will not leave you, Dean. There is no place I would rather be than by your side," Cas adds. He's suddenly dressed in jeans and a dark blue t-shirt.

Cas' hand cups Dean cheeks and Dean cannot help but feel the relief that the contact provides. He leans his face into Cas' hand closes his eyes. "What if I can't remember you?" Dean asks with a lump in his throat.

"Then we will start over. You deserve a second chance." Cas' thumb sweeps over Dean's cheek and Dean open his eyes to look at Cas. He realizes that they're standing next to the Impala outside Czechers again, like last night.

"I don't know Cas. I may not remember everything, but I can feel how much I screwed up."

Cas smiles gently and brings his other hand to Dean's face, "As I've said before, there is no place I would rather be." Cas leans minutely forwards and brushes his lips against Dean's.

Dean jolts with shock and pushes his face off of the pillows. He blinks a couple times then lets himself fall back into the softness of the bed, groaning. Well, now he remembers meeting Cas. He thinks over the memory before it had turned into purely the stuff of dreams. He remembers those first few days back from Hell much more clearly now. He remembers the confusion and fear that because of the horrors he had committed, that Hell had plans for him. Who could have known that Heaven having plans for him would be just as bad. Cas was one of the good guys, though. 

Dean flips over on the bed and staresat the ceiling. His thoughts go to the divergent dream. To the thought of Cas's lips on his. Dean feels a familiar heat in his gut and he rolls his eyes. He can't be thinking like this. Cas is an angel. He may act a lot more human than some of the other angels, but that doesn't mean he'd ever feel…Anything like that towards Dean. Dean remembers Cas' words from the night before and from the Dream. "There is no place I would rather be than by your side," He had said. Did he really mean that? If Cas was the one that pulled him out of the pit, then he knew better than anyone how low Dean had gone in the past.

However, he got the feeling that there were things in his lost memories that would make Cas see him differently. Dean had a deep feeling that if Cas every truly knew him, he would feel differently. 

Dean sighs and rubs a hand over his face. The heat in his gut is insistent this morning. He lifts the blanket and glares at his boxers. "You're not making this any easier," He mutters. 

He throws off the blankets and sits up. Like he had said, well blurted, to Cas last night, he's horny. As near as he can tell, it's been over a year since he got laid. And for anyone who's gotten used to finding relief regularly, that's hard. He's been able to handle things himself so far, but that doesn't dampen the fact that he's looking at almost anything that moves now and being reminded of sex. Cas included. 

Dean had kept his bisexual proclivities under wraps for most of his life. The hunting community, his father included, were generally of the macho mindset. He thinks that Sam knows vaguely what's up, but he still hasn't ever talked to him about it. In an effort to keep his attraction to both sexes under wraps, he's rarely indulged in any sort actual sexual activity with men before. He's had a few drunken make out sessions and one very drunken hand job in a bar bathroom, but nothing more and nothing sober yet. 

As for having real feelings for man? It had happened once. He had a huge crush on a boy in high school. His name had been Kevin and he was everything Dean hadn't been; well-loved by the teachers, smart, kind and respected by the students. Dean had only been at that particular school for about a month, but the hockey player had been in several of his classes and always took Dean seriously when the other kids just dismissed him as a kid from the wrong side of the tracks with a pretty face. John had pulled them out only after Dean's crush had had time to develop.

Dean finally made his way to the shower and turned on the hot water. Cas doesn't even really count as a man, though, does he? He's a "wavelength if celestial intent." Energy with a personality. The only reason Cas looked male was because he took a male vessel. A good looking male vessel. The fact that Cas wasn't technically male didn't deter Dean's body from being attracted to Cas' technically male body, though.

Dean removes his clothes and steps under the warm spray of water. His shoulders relax under the water pressure and he braces his hands on the tiled wall, letting the water wash over his face. The insistent heat in his belly intensifies as the water trails down his front. He feels his cock twitch and sighs. A harmless fantasy is just that, right? A harmless fantasy?

He's back in the dream again, Cas has his hands on Dean's face and they're next to the Impala. Cas leans forward and brushes his lips against Dean's. Dean sighs contentedly, leaning into the kiss. He presses his lips against Cas' firmly and his hands move to Cas' waist to pull him in closer. Cas' breath puffs out over Dean's mouth and Dean drinks it in. 

Dean trails a hand over his chest, sliding it through the water and down towards his groin. His fingers wrap around himself and he says to hell with it. His fantasy self grabs Fantasy Cas' shoulders and backs him against the Impala, pressing his chest against Cas'. Cas gasps and wide blue eyes stare at him before Dean swoops in for another, more bruising, kiss. 

Dean moans and licks his own lips while imagining licking into Cas' mouth and Cas opening up to him eagerly. He strokes himself lightly at first, and runs his thumb over the head of his erection, spreading a bead of precome over it. 

Cas' hands find their way under Dean's shirt and up his back. Dean shudders and cards his finger through Cas' messy locks as their tongues tangle together. Dean's hand squeezes tighter around himself and he releases a harsh breath as imaginary Cas spreads his legs and allows Dean to slot their hips together.

Both Dean's hips begin to rock and the kisses become more frantic. He can practically hear Cas' deep voice reverberating in his ear as he says, "Dean, I-" and Dean swallows his words with another kiss. His hand flies over his erection and his hips rock into his hand the way his hips rock against Cas' in his fantasy. The heat in Dean's belly is now a full blown blaze and he leans forward, biting his knuckles to quiet his moans. 

Fantasy Cas' fingers tangle with Dean's belt and manages to undo the buckle. Dean gasps and mumbles, "Cas you don't have to-" Cas cuts him off with a hungry kiss and fumbles Dean's pants open. His fingers trace over the skin just above the waistband of Dean's boxers. Deans breath hitches and can only manage a weak, "Cas," before the other man's finger dip into his boxers and take hold of him. "Oh god," He mutters and his hand reaches a new speed and level of pressure. His hips snap back and forward desperately; he's very close.

Cas' hands are gentle but firm and all Dean can do is lean his forehead on Cas' shoulder and let the man take him apart. "Yes. Cas, yes-" His hips stutter and Dean's body tenses. He comes over his hand and pumps his erection through the orgasm. Strands of white hit the tile and Dean attempts to regain his breath as he twitches slightly. He swallows and mutters, "Shit." That was the best orgasm he's had in weeks. 

He's about to wash his spunk off the shower wall and get on with his life when someone pounds on the bathroom wall. Dean jumps and slips on the wet shower floor before yelling in a voice that's a little too husky for comfort, "What? What d'you want?" He swears he hears a chuckle before Sam's voice comes through the door, "I tried to teach Cas how to make pancakes. Breakfast's ready, quit beating off and come downstairs. "Dean's already pretty flushed, but it must be possible to blush even more because he does.

"Fine! I'll be down soon, you bitch."

"Jerk," is the last thing he hears before silence sets in. How much did Sam hear? He must have heard Cas' name if he could hear that Dean was rubbing one out. Of course, he could have been teasing, and didn't actually hear anything. Dean shakes his mind of the worry and gets on with actually showering.

* * * * * * *

Dressed and relaxed, Dean makes his way downstairs and into the kitchen. Amelia's at the stove with Cas, who has a spatula in hand and is staring intently at the griddle on the stove. Sam's sitting at the kitchen table, munching on what seems to be the first batch of pancakes. Cas says, "I believe this one is ready to be flipped."

"Go for it," Amelia says.

Cas deftly inserts the spatula under than pancake and flips it. "Perfect," Amelia says approvingly. She looks up then, and spots Dean. "Hey there. We'll have another batch done soon."

Cas looks over and gives Dean a small smile. "Hello Dean."

"Morning, guys." Dean says and sits in the chair across from Sam. Sam looks at him and smirks. Dean's stomach drops. Sam winks and says, "Cas seems to be pretty good at pancakes."

"Sam and Amelia are good teachers," Cas says. Cas turns and sets a plate of pancakes down on the table between Sam and Dean. Amelia holds her hand out for the spatula and says to Cas, "Eat, I'll do the next batch."

Cas nods and takes the seat on Dean's right. Dean quickly starts pulling pancakes onto his own plate, giving himself something to do. As he pours syrup on, Cas says, "I hope they're satisfactory."

Sam pipes up and says, "Dean will definitely be satisfied," with a smirk directed at Dean. That settles it. He heard Dean in shower. Dean kicks Sam under the table. Sam yelps and a piece of pancake falls out his mouth. 

"You okay, sweetie?" asks Amelia.

Sam glares at Dean and says, "Yeah, just bit my cheek."

Cas' face twists in confusion. "Why would you do that?"

Amelia and Dean laugh and Sam rolls his eyes. He says, "It was an accident. I didn't do it on purpose."

"Oh," Cas says simply and puts a couple pancakes onto his plate. Dean hands over the syrup bottle and Cas puts entirely too little syrup on his pancakes. 

Dean stuffs a huge bite into his mouth and thinks about the first part of his dream this morning. He wants to tell them about regaining his memory of meeting Cas, but can't while Amelia's around.

"These are really good, Cas," Dean says after swallowing. Cas smiles. 

With a last glance between the two of them, Sam says, "Well, I gotta get going." Sam pulls the napkin out of his collar and stands. He's in his jogging clothes and he grabs his iPod off of the counter. "Have a good run, babe," Amelia says and reaches over to plant a kiss on his cheek. She takes Sam's vacated seat and starts in on her breakfast and Sam heads out the front door.

"So, the office is closed today, what should we do?"

Dean glances up from his plate and says, "Do we have to do something?"

"Well, I feel bad just lazing around the house while Cas is here. He's a guest, we should at least do something."

"Amelia, please don't deviate from your regular activities because of me. I can entertain myself," Cas says. He's only taken one bites of the pancakes on his plate.

Dean seriously doubts that Cas would end up doing anything other than watching yet another nature documentary on the TV.

"Well, since we're teaching things today…Cas, you wanna help me work on the Impala?" Dean asks as he looks over to Cas, who stops trying to cut another piece of pancake away with the side of his fork.

"You would let me?" Cas asks in wonderment.

"Yeah, sure. I don't got anything better to do."

"Of course Dean. I would be happy to assist you." Cas looks entirely too happy about the prospect of helping Dean. It makes him blush, again.

"You okay there, Dean?" Amelia asks with a smirk. Oh god, not her too. Did Sam blab to her about what he heard from the shower? Dean would have to retaliate later.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Finish your food, Cas, then meet me out front," Dean grumbles and stands, taking his plate to the sink.

"Yes. My pancakes," Cas says, considering his breakfast.

* * * * * * *

10 minutes later, Dean's dragged some tools out of the garage and is under the hood of the Impala, ready to do some basic maintenance. He hears the front door shut and peers around the side of the car to spot Cas standing on the front porch looking at the sky. The morning sun makes Cas' hair look lighter than it usually does, chocolaty brown highlights sprinkled here and there.

"Cas, c'mon!" Dean says and pulls Cas out of his quiet moment. Cas walks over and says, "I have a basic understanding of an internal combustion engine. Other than that, you will have to guide me."

"Yeah, I figured. So, we're not going to do anything crazy. Baby just needs an oil change, her tire pressure checked and her other fluids topped off."

"Alright," Cas says vaguely and looks over the engine. 

"Hand me that rag." 

Cas spots the white rag and bends down to pick it up. Handing it to Dean, he says, "You know that I don't really require knowledge of how to maintain a car."

Dean takes the rag and pulls the oil stick out. "So why are you out here, then? You could have said no."

"I like learning. And I like spending time with you."

Dean almost drops the oil stick and looks at Cas. There's no teasing evident in his expression. He doesn't really know how to respond, so he changes the subject. "You know, I got another memory back."

Cas' eyes widen slightly and he steps closer. "Which one?"

Dean fiddles with the oil stick and says, "I remembered it while I was sleeping. I remember first meeting you. In that barn. I didn't know that you were an angel yet."

Cas nods. "Yes. You didn't believe me at first. I had to show you my wings. Or, a shadow of them."

"Yeah. You were pretty scary."

"I did not know how to interact properly with humans yet. I think I'm much better at it now."

Dean scoffs and says, "Definitely."

Cas tilts his head and considers Dean for a moment. Dean's cheek heat under the scrutiny and he complains, "What?"

"I don't frighten you any more, do I?"

Dean relaxes and wipes the oil stick off on the rag. "No. No, you don't"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy crap, I did it. I wrote something smutty. Let me know if it sucks, I'm willing to change it!. So? Any good?
> 
> I'm working on how to bring the supernatural back into the story soon. Things can't stay all pleasant and suburban forever, right?


	9. Talking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Dean get at each other's throats and Sam learns some new things about Cas during a heart to heart.

They fall into a semi-normal rhythm over the next few days. Cas suddenly became the king of breakfast. Since he didn't sleep, he could have breakfast ready to go before the others came downstairs. Usually, it was Sam arriving first, but never eating too heavily, before heading out for his daily jog. Amelia came next, dressed and ready for work and Dean showed up last. All three of them helped whenever Cas tried to burn the eggs or mistook paprika for cayenne pepper (Amelia likes some spice on her eggs).

Sam was back working as a handy-man at the motel now, so that left Dean and Cas alone for most days. Dean puttered around the house and Cas was developing an annoying habit of puttering around after him. Yes, Dean had accepted Cas as their friend and incognito eye-candy, but suddenly being alone with the guy all day every day was a bit of jump. Dean had snapped at Cas several times, but Cas seemed to take in stride. Cas usually just stayed quiet and watchful until Dean decided to get over himself and talk to him again. Dean found it unusually easy to forgive Cas; especially since he was so patient with Dean's shorter fuse.

Currently, Dean is trying to navigate the laundry again. Standing in front of the washing machine in the garage, Dean stares at the dials and buttons. The clothes are in the machine and now Dean is trying to remember what to do next without looking at the list of instructions Sam has so helpfully written out for him. He looks at the pastel colored bottles on the shelf and pulls one out. Fabric so-soft-soften-softener. No, he doesn't need that. Jesus Christ, why can't he just remember which one is which by sight? This is pathetic. What kind of grown man needs help recognizing laundry detergent?

He drops the bottle of fabric softener on the dryer and lets out a sigh of frustration. He tries to move away from the washer but bumps into Cas. "Damnit, Cas I thought I-" Dean stops short when Cas hands him a bright blue bottle of laundry detergent.

"Sam said you would need this for the laundry. You couldn't find it because it wasn't there ," Cas re-assured him curtly and turned to walk back inside the house. "I'll leave you to it."

"No, Cas, I'm sorry man. Stay. This shit is boring," Dean said with a whine. 

Cas pauses a moment before walking back over and leaning on Amelia's car. Dean finishes loading the laundry and starts the washer before starting in on folding the laundry out of the dryer. Sam and Amelia agreed that folding laundry was a good way for Dean to practice his motor skills. His right arm was healed now, thanks to Cas, but it was still a little weak, and it was Dean's primary hand.

"So, uh, how are liking pretending to be human?" Dean asks for lack of a better question.

"I find a lot of human life fascinating," Cas says and looks around the garage. "However I still have some issues with social niceties. Amelia hugged me and I think I made her uncomfortable. I forgot to reciprocate."

Dean chuckles. "She'll be fine. Just remember to hug back next time. Amelia's friendly like that."

"So I gathered." They stand in silence for a few moments and Cas watches Dean fold clothes. "Dean?"

"Yeah?"

"Why hasn't Sam told Amelia about your lives as hunters?"

Dean stops folding and turns to look at Cas. "Why do you ask?"

"Well I was under the impression that Sam plans on spending a long time with Amelia. I thought human lovers valued honesty in one another."

Dean slams the door on the dryer closed. "Sam does 'value honesty,'" he says with obvious discomfort.

"I understand that. That's why I'm confused as to why he doesn't tell Amelia the truth."

Dean sighs and walks over to lean against the car with Cas. He is suddenly reminded of the other day's spank bank fantasy. He flushes and walks back to the dryer before saying, "Cas, you know about this. Most people don't know about the things we hunt. They think they're just stories."

"Yes I understand this. Does Sam believe he can keep this from Amelia indefinitely?"

"No! No. He just...When people find out the truth about our life, they tend to get hurt. In more ways than one." 

Dean begins folding the laundry again. Silence overtakes them for a few minutes before Cas says, "I only worry because Sam is my friend and Amelia seems to make him happy. I've seen relationships suffer because of dishonesty before ."

Dean looks over his shoulder and sees Cas staring at the floor dejectedly. Did Cas have personal experience with this? Who lied to him? "Man, Sam's much better with feelings and stuff than I am. He'll figure it out. He's probably just waiting for the right time."

"I hope so."

Dean walks over to Cas and puts a hand on his shoulder. "Yeah man, what are you guys always saying? 'Have Faith?' Take your own advice. Sam's smart, he'll be fine."

Cas looks up at him and gives him a small smile. Dean flushes and turns away again. He couldn't look at Cas lately without his face heating the slightest bit. He found himself trying not to look at the angel more and more as the days went by. The harmless fantasy from a few days ago in the shower had become a recurring feature. Dean knows he shouldn't be feeling this way when he can't even remember the history between them. Cas has given no indication that he's interested in Dean in any sort of sexual way. Cas was a pretty awkward guy though, maybe he just didn't know how to -

Dean shakes his head and tosses the thought away. The guy was right there, Dean shouldn't be considering him like that. Cas doesn't deserve to be objectified the way Dean's libido demanded.

Just as he was folding the last piece of laundry, he hears the front door open and close. Sam is back. A moment later, the door to the garage opens and Sam walks in. "Hey guys."

He's only met with silence. Sam stops taking off his tool belt as he notices the slightly strained atmosphere of the room. "Everything alright?" Sam asks.

Dean seems to snap out of his funk and says, "Hey Sammy."

"Hello Sam," Cas adds.

Sam deposits his tool belt on the shelves next to the washer and drier and clears his throat. "So…The manager at the motel asked me to move up to a full time position."

Dean doesn't say anything, but Cas pipes up. "Is that good?"

Sam glances nervously at Dean before answering. "Yeah, I mean, even at full time, I won't be making nearly as much as Amelia, but I'll be able to contribute more."

Dean nods and says, "What about hunting?" while trying to keep his voice even. 

"Dean…We've talked about this before, man. You can't hunt and I…I like life the way it is. Amelia and I are doing great and you're doing better-"

Dean blows up then. "Better? How am I doin' better, Sam? I can't drive on my own, I can't even do laundry without Cas having to help me! I can't hunt! You have a house, and a girlfriend and a dog! What do I have? I had hunting and you! You have your life and there's no room in it anymore! I sit around the house and do chores and watch TV all day! We used to save lives! Now I'm useless!" Dean takes a deep breath and seems to realize suddenly how much of his own fears he had just dumped out into the open, his body language betraying how uncomfortable he feels.

"Dean, I didn't mean anything-"

"I know what you meant!" Dean slams his hand on the garage door opener and walks out the garage door as it opens. "I'm going for a walk!" He yells over his shoulder as he storms off.

Cas and Sam are left in the garage staring out the garage door as Dean walks away. Sam sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "Cas, I'm sorry. I should have known he wouldn't take that well."

"No need to apologize," Cas says, stepping away from the car and towards Sam.

"I know that he feels stagnant, and he hates it. I just don't know what to do."

"I think patience is the best policy now. Dean knows that this will require some adjustment and he's reasonable once he gets past the initial panic."

Sam lets out a weary huff of laughter. "You really know him pretty well, huh?"

Cas seems to consider this a moment before he says something Sam wasn't expecting, "I did hold his soul once."

"Huh," Sam says intelligently. "I guess that's true. I never thought about that."

"Dean is…damaged, but still strong, intelligent and caring. His soul was particularly beautiful."

"You thought his soul was…beautiful?"

"Well…" Cas looks away. "Yes. I'm sorry, is that odd?" A small amount of color crept across Cas' cheeks.

This conversation is going in a completely different direction than where Sam thought it would go. He just wanted to relieve the awkwardness from Dean's blow up, but now Cas is almost confessing an attraction to Dean's soul. That's not something you see every day. 

Sam knew Dean had a thing for Cas. He had suspected for a while, but it had embarrassingly been confirmed when he had gone to get Dean to come downstairs for breakfast the other day. He had teased Dean about it later, but in reality, it was a bit of a revelation. He had seen Dean looking at guys before, but was 90% sure that Dean had never really acted on any of those looks, let alone masturbate to their angel friend living in a male vessel. He knew that Dean felt strongly about the angel. He remembered the spiral of depression that Dean had slipped into after Cas had walked into that lake and disappeared for months. Maybe it was more than just a friendly feeling that Dean had towards Cas. And Cas did seem to care about Dean in a more special way than any of Cas' other human friends, Sam included. Cas had said himself, once, that he and Dean 'shared more profound bond.'

How could something happen between Dean and Cas, though? Dean was so wrapped up in his macho persona that he'd never try for an actual relationship with anyone and Cas is so socially inept that even if Dean made a half-assed attempt at hitting on him, it would fly right over Cas' head. The more he thought about it, however, the more the idea appealed to him. Dean and Cas' personalities seem to complement each other. They're both damaged in many ways, but Dean is always looking to take care of someone and he needs someone to take care of him at the same time. Cas has already been trying to take care of Dean, though Dean doesn't remember, and Dean is always trying to teach Cas new things.

Sam realizes that he still hasn't responded to what Cas said. "No! I guess not. Do you…uh..." Sam trails off, not sure where he was going with this. "Cas, do you…like Dean?"

Cas looks up at Sam, seeming almost startled. "Sam, I would say that Dean and I have been friends for a few years now, but Amelia recently asked me a similar question and she was referring to something else." 

"Amelia asked you about this?"

"Yes. She seemed to be under the impression that I was attracted to Dean in a romantic way."

Sam shuffles his feet awkwardly. "Uh, yeah, that's what I was asking, I guess."

Cas frowns and stares at the floor a for a few moments, Sam waiting patiently. He doesn't want to push the angel.

"I-" Cas starts but closes his mouth. The poor guy was obviously lost on how to express himself. "I do feel a certain pull towards Dean that I do not feel with others. It's not something I've ever felt before."

Sam nods. "It must be confusing."

"Yes. Angels are not built to love anything other than our Father. I do realize that I am different from other angels in many ways. However, these feelings feel similar to the ones I felt towards my Father and family, yet very different at the same time."

Sam's innate curiosity rears its ugly head and he says, "How so?"

Cas sighs and a wall seems to come down because he just begins spilling all his thoughts out onto Sam, "My vessel responds to Dean more than it does to you, for example. My face feels warmer when he says certain things. I feel the strange urge to stand closer to him now. I know he values his 'personal space' and I do my best to respect that, but I just seem to find myself to close to him all the time. I smile more around him, too and that's a new sensation. I also find that I'm agreeing to learn all kinds of human things from Dean mainly because I just want to be with him. I mean, I also am curious and enjoy learning new things about Dean's world but the fact that Dean is the one teaching me makes me very happy." 

Sam takes a second to process this before he says, "Wow. Yeah. It sounds like you like him. You know, in a non-platonic way."

Cas must have noticed Sam's uncomfortable expression because he quickly says, "I'm sorry, that's not something you normally say to people is it? I'm still not used to-"

Sam cuts him off with, "No, Cas it's ok. I just wasn't expecting that."

"I-I don't mean to make you uncomfortable. Dean is your brother, and I understand that, among other issues, the affections of a supernatural being such as myself would be-"

Sam cuts him off again, "Cas! Please, no. It actually…It makes me happy to know that there's someone out there that cares about Dean so much. But, I…I don't know how to say this. Dean's not…" How does he break it to Cas that Dean's not exactly ideal boyfriend material? However, Cas is an angel, he's not exactly normal boyfriend material either. 

Sam is interrupted when Cas raises his hand and says, "Sam please. I know that Dean would not view me in the same manner. I have heard the way Dean speaks of women and I seriously doubt that he would…fraternize with a angel being such as myself." Cas' face darkened and his frustration was clear. 

Sam thinks, "He's beating off to you in the shower, dude. I think he may fraternize a little." But he can't just blurt that out to the angel, his head might explode. Cas is just getting used to the idea of blushing; the idea of having any sort of sexual relations would probably stupefy him. However, Cas was doing pretty good with adjusting to human life, even if he wasn't actually human. Cas was adaptable, that was for sure.

"I dunno, Cas. Dean might surprise you. I mean yeah, he can be pretty closed off, but he wants the same things as everybody deep down; a home, family, friends, purpose…love." Sam can't believe that he was trying to encourage an angel to court his brother. How the hell had his life turned out like this?

Cas pauses before answering, "I…suppose. Sam…Thank you. You are a good friend." Cas gave Sam a small smile. Cas' eyes turn blank and he stares at something behind Sam. Sam's about to ask what he was looking at when Cas says, "Dean's praying to me. He's…asking for a ride. That's the first time he's prayed to me since we came back." Cas smiles again, but this one is less reserved. Sam can only smile back. He says, "Go get him."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got a beta for my story! Woo! Sorry it took so long to post the new chapter. I'm going to be going back and fixing old chapters too. I'll try to keep everything updated in a timely manner from now on. Thx, readers!


	10. Deciding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean decides that he needs to work on himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone. I'm so sorry for the long delay. Life interfered and I ran into some writer's block. However, I've got this chapter finished and out of the way and I hope to make some real progress on this story soon.

Dean is sitting on the same bench from his last storm-off. He knows now that the strange man in the trench coat that he saw for a split seconds last time was Cas trying to reach out to him. He looks up at the bench and jumps when sees Cas actually sitting in it. Fortunately, this time, he's wearing a clean pair of jeans and gray t-shirt, not torn up, muddy hospital scrubs. 

"Hey, man," Dean says with a sigh and leans back on the bench. He stares up at the sky, trying to avoid making actual eye contact with Cas. "I seem to be making a habit of getting mad, storming out and then needing a ride home. Fuckin' sucks."

Cas moves over to Dean's bench and takes a seat on the other end of it. He looks over at Dean. "I can only imagine."

Dean closes his eyes and for a moment they sit together, Dean enjoying the silence. "I'm sorry, man. I just…can't… So much is changing. Sam's got a real girlfriend now and he's moving up at his job. And I…I can't even drive anywhere on my own. I can't hunt. I guess I really should start thinking about a life without hunting in it. At least for a while. Jeez, that seems weird. No hunting, huh?" Dean looked over at Cas. "I’m not totally useless yet. I still seem to be ok with the car. I can teach you well enough."

"I even know how to change the oil now," Cas says with a wry smile.

Dean smiles and continues, "Not that you'll ever need to." They sit for a moment more before Dean stands. "Anyway, let's get outta here." Cas stands as well and reaches a hand out towards Dean's face. 

Moments later, they're standing in the garage again, and Dean feels slightly bereft as Cas takes his fingers away. He hears scratching at the door leading into the house. Cas walks over to the door and opens it. Riot trots in and nuzzles at Dean's hand, emitting a low whine and sitting. 

"He's worried because he can sense the tension in his family," Cas says.

"You read his mind?"

"In a way. They're not clear thoughts the way humans have them. It's more urges and emotions."

"Huh." Dean turns his eyes to the dog and gives him a scratch. "Don't worry, boy. We'll work it out." 

At that, Dean walks into the house. He can hear Sam and Amelia talking, but they stop when the door closes behind Dean. Dean turns the corner and Sam stands up from the couch, but Amelia speaks first, "Hey Dean." She seems hesitant; Sam must have told her about his blow-up. 

"Hey guys. Um…" Dean's not sure what to say. He knows that he's in the wrong and that they need to deal with the situation at hand, not the situation Dean's been expecting. Dean's been expecting to die in a hunt since he was sixteen. He never thought he'd see the day when he was living the apple pie life with his brother and be unable to hunt. It just seems so abnormal. This was not the plan/

Dean hears the door open behind him and Cas steps through. He thinks back to his conversation with Cas in the impala. Cas said that Dean needed to find himself again and that he would be there to help. He could remember now that Cas had sacrificed his sanity to help Sam once. Maybe he should show some faith.

Dean looked up at Sam. "Look, I'm sorry, you know, about earlier. It's good that you're doing good at work. That you can help out more around here. I know I can't…work right now. But I shouldn't let that stop you from living your life. I'll find something that works for me. Dad didn't raise us to whine about how crappy the situation was. He taught us to deal with it."

Sam visibly resists the urge to roll his eyes at the mention of their father, buts nods. "I'm sorry to just drop this on you, but my boss needed a decision soon and-"

"It's fine, Sammy. I get it. We don't need to make this bigger than it is. I just…wasn't expecting things to go this way."

Sam nods again and says, "Neither was I, man." 

They both shuffle their feet awkwardly for a moment before Amelia chimes in, saving them from themselves. "Well! I was thinking about a pot pie for dinner. Cas, you want to learn to make a pie?"

Dean perks up at the mention of pie. He looks to Sam and asks, "She knows how to make pie? Why didn't I know about this?"

Sam chuckles and gives Amelia fond look, "She's a woman of many talents."

"I am indeed," Amelia says and smiles back. "So, how about it Cas? I bet you'll pick up pie as fast as you pick everything else up."

Cas walks into the kitchen with Amelia and offers, "Dean has an almost unhealthy fascination with pie. I, myself, haven't had any."

Amelia starts pulling out pans and ingredients and laughs. "You, my friend, need some education.A man who’s never had pie is truly lacking."

Sam and Dean moved into the living room to let the other two get involved with their pie. Sam sets himself on the easy chair and Dean sprawls onto the couch, picking up the TV remote. Sam says with a huff of laughter, "I feel like I should have warned her about your obsession with pie."

"Oh, bite me." Dean summons what seems to be a re-run of Dr. Sexy from the DVR as Sam rolls his eyes.

"Do we have to watch this? I'm getting kind of sick of it."

"Yes, we have to watch it. I'm trying to catch up and for the first time in years, I'm not actually hun-...working. I have the time."

Sam just chuckles and shakes his head. Dean says, "You love it."

Sam sighs and settles further into the couch. "Yeah, it's not so bad."

They watch as one of the many comely female doctors on the show struggles with having to tell a patient's family that there is no hope for recovery. It's all very dramatic and the doctor walks away with tears in her eyes. Dean starts think about his own recovery and thinks about the silly exercises that the doctors keep trying to get him to do. He glances at Sam, who's started leafing through a magazine. Since Cas can't just zap away his issues, Dean's actually got to work on them. However, Sam won't be around as much and the guy seems to worry about Dean so much as it is, he's not sure he could ask him to do these exercises with him. Cas, though, is around every day, all day. He seems to have plan to stay and he must be getting bored. It's not like following Dean around and watching him do chores could be that interesting. All they would have to do is add the exercises to their already very light schedule. He'll ask him about it later.

* * * * * * *  
A couple hours later, there's a pie in the oven and the four of them are around the TV, watching as Indiana Jones deals with a chamber full of snakes and a frantic female in a white dress. Cas is between Amelia and Dean on the couch and Sam is about to doze off in the easy chair. Dean is intently watching as Indy finds his out of this scrape when Cas suddenly whispers in his ear. "Should we wake Sam?"  
Dean feels Cas' breath on the side of his face, jerks and almost turns his head to look at Cas in surprise. When he realizes that, because Cas is so close, if he turns, the angel is within kissing distance, he refrains. He swallows the lump in his throat and says, "Nah, he's seen this movie more times than I can count." Cas takes a little longer than most people would to lean back into his own space. He doesn't realize the sort of effect his proximity can have on a person.  
Dean tries to go back to watching the movie when Amelia catches his eye and winks at him. He feels his face heat, but doggedly turns his attention to the movie. Indy is always a good distraction.   
* * * * * * *  
After dinner, Dean is re-acquainting himself with the couch with a belly full of pot pie. "God, Cas, that was amazing."

Cas is still in the kitchen, collecting dishes. "Thank you Dean. Though I believe that Amelia is due most of the credit."

Amelia laughs and smacks Cas' hand as he reaches for another dish. "Sweetheart, you cooked. Stop cleaning. Dean, get over here!"

Dean peeks over the back of the couch. "But I'm so fulllllll…" he groans.

"No excuses," Amelia barks.

"I don’t mind, really," Cas offers. 

"No, no, Cas. I'll do it," Dean says begrudgingly. At that, Amelia seems satisfied and wanders upstairs to join Sam as Dean heads into the kitchen. Cas remains standing in the kitchen, unsure what to do now. 

"Cas, I said I'd do it." Dean has the sink on and is stacking dishes now, but he looks at Cas over his shoulder. 

"Do you…mind if I just stay here?" Cas asks hesitantly as he sits at the kitchen table.

Dean shrugs. "I ain't gonna kick you out." He starts scrubbing and Cas sits there in silence, watching Dean do his work. Dean's concentration isn't what it used to be. He stops moving sometimes, seemingly having lost track of the task at hand. Cas hopes that he might be able to help Dean with somehow. He knows almost everything about human biology, but psychology still escape him; being so intricate, subjective and nuanced. Dean's biology was damaged but could not be fixed until his psychology were worked on. 

"Cas, you're staring," Dean says, with a smirk, over his shoulder. He continues to wash.

"I apologize." Cas stands and walks up to the sink next to Dean, who glances over at him.

"What's up?" 

"May I…help?" 

Dean stops and looks over at Cas. "I said I would do it."

"I know. I'd like to help."

"Uh, alright. I'll wash, you dry. " Dean hands him a towel and gets back to washing. Cas picks up a pot and starts rubbing the towel over it.

"There are so many small intricacies to human life. I don't know if I'll ever be able to learn them all." Cas sets the pot down and picks up another item.

"You mean like washing dishes and learning to make a mean pot pie?" Dean laughs. Cas likes it when he makes Dean laugh. Dean laughs more than he used to, but it still isn't enough. He deserves to laugh more.

"Why do you want to? You know, learn about human life." Dean averts his eyes in an effort to avoid awkwardness.

"Since I came to earth, I've come to admire humans. They never cease to amaze me. " Cas smiles to himself and his expression makes Dean stare. He's never expected to get to know an angel like this. Well, he knows that he already knows this angel. He can't seem to help wanting to spend time with the guy though. 

"Really? Even in all our disgusting, violent, glory?" Dean asked incredulously.

A small smile crawls across Cas' face. "Yes, Dean. Despite that. The connections that humans make and the emotions they develop are truly inspiring."

"The other angels never seemed very impressed."

Cas nods. "I know. I've tried to convince them and some seemed receptive. Others…are stuck in their ways."

"Yeah…I remember some of it."

"I hope that one day they might all understand the beauty that I see in mankind." Dean looks over and sees that Cas is staring at him again. Dean thinks for a moment that Cas might mean- But, no, he's not going to care like that. 

"It's a nice thought, Cas." He says dismissively and hands the last dish over to Cas. Cas dries it and they work together in silence for a few moments.

"Cas?" 

"Yes, Dean?"

"Sam's going to start working more and I…I want to get better. You know? Not just for me, but I don't want Sam to worry. " Dean swallows and sees that Cas is done drying and is just waiting for him to continue now.

"The doctors gave me some exercises that are supposed to help my memory, concentration, you know. You're around and you seem cool enough." Dean gave him a weak smile. "Could you help me out? Just do these stupid exercises with me and stuff?"

"Of course." Cas unleashed a proud grin and Dean found that he liked it. 

"Really? Not too…boring for an angel?" Dean found himself smiling back despite himself.

"No, it's not."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case anyone's interested, I'm participating in spn_cinema's event on livejournal.
> 
> \http://spn-cinema.livejournal.com/66291.html#cutid2
> 
> I claimed The Fifth Element and the story is already in progress! Expect my AU in May!


	11. Walking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas decides to spend tonight with Dean instead of by himself, and Dean gives Cas another lesson in being human.

“Alright, what were the objects you were to remember at the beginning?”

They’re sitting at the picnic table on the back porch across from each other.They’ve been working for almost an hour on a few different exercises and Dean’s patience and attention is waning. Dean’s belly is full of another dinner made by Cas and Amelia, making him sleepy. Specifically, they are working on some memory exercises and Dean is obviously still resistant to the exercises in some ways. He has his head down on the table and is staring off into space over the small cage his arms form around his head. 

“Um, a ladder, a…” Dean trails off as his mind blocked on the second object. “Damnit.”

“It’s alright, Dean. The book says that associations might help you. The second object was an apple. So, for instance, you could associate that with apple pie, since you have an emotional attachment to pie. It’s an ingenious idea, actually.”

“Hm,” Dean said simply. His lack of enthusiasm was apparent.

“Also, you could embrace the process more,” Castiel said, trying not sound like he was chastising Dean.

“Yeah, yeah.” Dean straightened up ran a hand through his hair. “Sorry. Self-improvement has never been my forte.”

“I know. Just being here is showing progress. So the third object was a cat. What would you associate that with?”

“Uh...witches.”

Castiel raised an eyebrow. “As in a cat familiar?”

“Yeah. You know. Black cats and witches. A little cliche, but...yeah.”

“I suppose that whatever comes first to your mind will be easiest to remember.”

“Yeah I guess that makes sense.”

“Alright. Well, we’ve been working for the allotted amount of time. We’re done.”

“Finally! Jeez.” Dean throws a leg around and straddles the bench attached to the picnic table. He leans back and closes his eyes, seemingly feeling the breeze on his face. “Yeesh, an hour of this stuff everyday?”

“Yes, Dean. I realize that there are ways you’d rather spend your time, but in order to reach your goals-”

“Yeah, I know, Cas. I’ll stop whining. It’s just...you know, weird to be doing this stuff.”

“I understand.” And Dean believed him when he said it. From what Castiel and Sam had told him, Cas knew his way around adjustments. Adjusting to being fallen. Adjusting to living with humans. 

“Alright, man. I’mma sack out. See ya in the morning.” Dean gave Cas a tired grin and a nod and wandered off inside, towards the stairs.

“Good night, Dean.” Castiel watches him go, observing the relaxed set of his shoulders and a his easy gait. Despite Dean’s verbal complaints, his posture had been relaxed the entire time. Castiel was glad that Dean was this at ease around him. Cas likes being around Dean. The fact that Dean had asked him for help in his recovery encouraged him greatly.

However, the few hours every day that Dean actively spent with Castiel were becoming less and less satisfying. Castiel found himself wanting more. More lessons from Dean. More conversations with Dean. More time alone with Dean. It seems irrational and it is infuriating. It was not Dean’s responsibility to satisfy Castiel’s new needs and wants and Castiel does not think it fair to force these things on him. Despite what Sam had said in the garage. 

An idea had been toying at the back of Castiel’s recently, though. Castiel’s nights we spent researching anything and everything from history to pop culture or in a meditative state. However, he had made a couple trips upstairs to check on his human friends over the last couple of weeks. He had come upon Dean when his eyes were flickering underneath his eyelids, obviously in the throes of REM sleep. For the past week or so, Castiel’s curiosity had been increasing in the back of his mind. He wondered what Dean dreamed of. The man occasionally woke from nightmares and Castiel was tempted to see if there was any comfort he could offer, but he knew Dean would turn him away. Dean was not a fan of vulnerability at the best of times, let alone in the middle of the night after a nightmare.

Castiel could satiate his curiosity about Dean’s dreams with little chance of discovery through a little dream walking. He could keep himself hidden and just observe. Dean would be unaware and Castiel might even find himself some insight to help Dean recover some memories.

He waits until he can hear Dean’s deep, even breaths from upstairs. It wouldn’t be long now before Dean was dreaming. He appears in Dean’s room and indulges himself in some observation of the man himself. Dean is face-down on the bed with his arms wrapped loosely around his pillow. His mouth is slightly open and his legs are akimbo across the mattress. It’s a warm night and Dean’s opted to sleep on top of the covers.

Castiel likes Dean like this. Something about Dean laid out before him, unguarded and vulnerable, is appealing. Castiel hazards guess that this is because of his feelings for Dean. He’s still not used to his vessel reacting at the mere sight of Dean and this situation seems to affect him even more than usual. He remember’s Dean’s uncomfortable reaction to finding Castiel watching over him as he slept in the past. Strictly speaking, Castiel had never needed to be at Dean’s bedside to watch over him. If he extended his senses, he could monitor him from anywhere inside the building they were in at the time.

Dean’s eyelids began to twitch with REM sleep. He’s dreaming now. Castiel closed his eyes and extended his grace towards Dean’s mind, being mindful of his presence. Darkness envelops him and all sensation leaves. His consciousness floats languidly through dark nothingness for a moment. Then, a dull light appears before him and spreads slowly. As the light nears him, sensation returns though it’s a fuzzy feeling at most. 

Cas looks around investigating his surroundings. He doesn’t recognize the house, it’s nowhere he’s ever been before. It’s decent sized house, similar in size and style to the one Sam and Amelia have now. In fact, he surmises that this house is Dean’s subconscious’ effort to re-create that house. Castiel wanders over to a shelf on the wall and observes some pictures sitting in frames. Most of them are vague and blurry but one has Sam, Amelia, Dean and Castiel standing in the back yard. Castiel blinks in surprise to find himself included so easily amongst the rest of them.

He abandons the frames and moves around a corner to find the man he was looking for. Dean is laying on a couch in a living room that is obviously supposed to be the living room from Sam and Amelia’s house. A little further away, in the kitchen, Sam and Amelia are cooking and flirting heavily with each other. Normally, Castiel was not very adept at discerning these things, but in dreams, emotions seem to permeate the air. Familiarity and flirtatiousness can be felt like hot or cold air.

Castiel turns back to Dean and feels impatience and curiosity rolling off of him. Dean is sitting up and looking around for something now. Then, Dean’s face lights up and he beckons with his hand for someone to approach. Castiel turns around to see himself approaching. Other Castiel sits down in the armchair nearest to the couch and Dean says, “So, we’re gonna keep going with your pop-culture education. Okay?”

“Alright,” says Other Cas. Dean picks up the remote and turns on the TV. It’s unclear what they’re supposed to be watching, but the happy smile on Dean’s face doesn’t waver. Sam and Amelia are suddenly there handing out plates of burgers and fries that seem to have come from a diner, all wrapped in paper with tiny cups of ketchup. Dean leaps up and snatches a proffered plate eagerly. 

What interests Castiel more is the fact that Other Cas is now sitting next to Dean. Castiel is not sure what it means. It can’t be anything too bad. This dream seems to be centered around a feeling of comfort and familiarity. Warmth flutters in his chest at this. Dean’s dreams of home and family include him.

His concentration must slip, because, for a flash of a moment, Dean’s eyes connect with his. Castiel regains himself and quickly hides his presence again. Dean’s eye flick around the room, searching. “Cas?”

Other Cas looks up from his burger. “Yes, Dean?”

“Oh.” Dean seems to be happy with the fact that Castiel is actually right next to him, not across the room. “Nothing. Just thought I saw something.”

Castiel takes this as his cue to leave. Dean’s dreams are pleasant tonight and they include him. What more could he ask for from this experience? With a small quirk to his lips, he turns and walks out of the house and into the darkness.

 

* * * * * * *

 

Dean wakes feeling more relaxed and content than he has in a long while. He stretches languidly atop the covers and opens his eyes. He sees the sky outside and it’s another clear day. He closes his eyes again and flips over, enjoying the feeling of the war sheets. He remembers dreaming about something pleasant and that the dream took place in the house. It didn’t exactly look like their house, but he could tell. Dreams were weird like that. He remembers a moment of confusion amongst the pleasantness though he can’t remember what it was about.

He decides to get up and get on with his day rather than continue daydreaming. Along with the daily mental exercises, Dean’s decided to work on his physical self too. Nothing too crazy, he’s not getting up at six to jog with Sam. He does walk the dog more though and apparently, there are some free weights in the garage. Sam’s been going nuts trying to encourage him to exercise. “You’ll sleep better, you’ll be less stressed. It’s a good idea. I’m really glad you’re doing this,” Sam had said with a little too much enthusiasm for Dean’s tastes.

So Dean gets up and throws on a loose pair of cargo pants and a plain black tee. When he gets downstairs, Riot is wandering around with his leash between his teeth and Cas is sitting on the couch, the air mattress deflated and pushed out of the way. He looks around and doesn’t Sam or Amelia. They must have left for the day already,they’re nowhere to be seen.

“Hey, Cas.” Dean makes his way over to couch and sits on the end opposite of Cas. “What’s up.”

“I am watching something called ‘Knocked Up.’ It’s a little confusing; I don’t quite understand why everyone is so on-edge.”

Dean chuckles to himself and sees that the main characters are fighting in the OBGYN office. “Yeah, this movie is all about weird human shit. Sometimes even we don’t get it.”

Riot decides he’s not taking this shit anymore and jumps up on the couch, dropping the leash into Dean’s lap. “Oof! Jeez, okay, dog. I’m comin’, I’m comin’.” Dean grabs the leash and shoves the dog back onto the floor. “You wanna come with, Cas? Riot’ll like it.” Dean doesn’t mention that he’d like it too.

“Alright,” Cas says. He’s wearing his blue bee pajamas. Dean attaches the leash to Riot’s collar and looks back up at Cas, who’s now standing, dressed in jeans and a dark blue plaid button up. Cas has been really good about changing his clothes periodically and at the appropriate times. 

Dean hands over the end of Riot’s leash. “I have a feeling he won’t pull as much if you’re at the wheel.” Cas reaches out and takes the leash, fingers brushing over Dean’s. Dean swallows around a suddenly dry throat and turns to the door. Riot goes nuts, jumping out the newly opened door. Cas follows and Dean brings up the rear, closing and locking the door behind them.

Dean hears Cas say something to Riot and the god instantly seems to remember years of obedience training that Dean knows he’s never had. The dog seems no less happy, though. His tail is wagging furiously. As Dean approaches and they start walking down the street, he asks, “What’d you say to him?”

“I merely told him that pulling on the leash was pointless and would not make us walk faster. Animals are surprisingly logical. They dislike wasted engergy.”

“You sure about that? I’ve seen him chase his own tail for 20 minutes.”

“Well, they do have different definitions of ‘waste’ than some. He also views himself as subservient to us, so he takes our orders to heart.”

“Huh. Yeah, alright.” 

They walk in amiable silence for a while. Riot does his business and marks a few shrubs. Then Riot stops on a perfectly manicured lawn and pops a squat. When he finishes, Dean reaches to his back pocket and find that there are no little plastic baggies waiting there. “Shit,” he mutters and looks at Cas, who’s examining the sky as if it we trying to tell him something.

“Yes, Dean?” Cas asks, seemingly knowing that question was coming.

“Uh, can you zap this away?”

Cas look down at Riot’s deposit, then back up at Dean quickly, disdain clear on his face. “Dean, I’m an Angel, not a-”

“Come on, Cas! I forgot the baggies and I don’t want to be the douchebag that leaves dog shit on other people’s lawns.” Dean pleads shamelessly. Cas narrows his eye at him and stares a little longer than necessary. 

“I take it that’s considered rude?”

“Uh, yeah.” Dean squirms just a little under Cas’ intense scrutiny. Cas’ posture deflates and he turns away, saying, “There.” Dean looks back and the offending pile is gone. 

“Cool. Thanks, man.” Before Dean can even think about it, he reaches out and wraps an arm around Cas’ shoulders, bringing him into a sort of half-hug against his side. Cas’ eyes go wide and he stiffens up for a only a moment before Dean remembers himself and lets go. Stepping back, Dean rubs a hand over the back of his head and says, “Okay, yeah. Let’s head back.” Dean turns away and starts heading back in the direction of home, trying to make sure Cas doesn’t see his slightly heated cheeks.

“Dean.” Cas catches up to him, still holding onto Riot’s leash. “Dean, I apologize. I didn’t mean to make you uncomforta-”

Dean tries to speak at the same time. “Cas, don’t worry ab- ...What?” Dean stops walking and looks at Cas. “Make me uncomfortable? You went stiff as a board, I thought you… you know… didn’t like it.”

Cas watches riot sniff another shrub for a moment, then says, “No. It was unexpected, but not unpleasant.”

“Oh, “ Dean says intelligently.

“In fact, from what I’ve heard, physical contact is considered healthy for most humans.” Cas continues to avoid eye contact and, holy shit, is he…?

“In fact, it can be used as a form of therapy for some.” He is. Dean can’t stop the grin that splits his face.. Cas is, for lack of a better word, adorable.

“Cas, are you asking for a hug?” Dean’s grin doesn’t falter and Cas sees it. 

“Dean, I don’t appreciate being made fun of. I only wanted to try-”

“No, you’re right. I’m sorry. C’mere,” Dean softens his smile and hold his arms out invitingly.

Cas stares blankly at the empty space he’s meant to fill. Dean decides to take matters into his own hands and steps forward, wrapping both arms around Cas this time. Cas stiffens up again and Dean can’t help but chuckle. “Cas, relax. It’s just a hug.”

“Right,” Cas says and Dean can feel the muscles in Cas’ shoulders unwind. Cas then raises his arms and wraps them around Dean’s middle. Dean can’t help but wonder about the picture they present. It’s not the manliest of hugs and it wouldn’t look platonic to outside observers, with Cas’ arms around his waist and his own around Cas’ shoulders. He doesn’t care, though. This feels good. Cas is warm and solid and it’s been far too long since Dean had any sort of comfort from another body like this.

He suddenly has the urge to turn his head and find out what Cas smells like. That’s enough, he says to himself and releases Cas, stepping back. Cas’ fingers trail over his sides and Dean has to suppress a shudder.

“Well, there you go. Human lesson number 112. Hugging,” Dean says and offers a shy smile.

“Yes. Well, thank you Dean. I enjoy your lessons.”

“Alright, enough chick-flick moment. Let’s get back.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cas/Dean hugs in honor of the one that supposedly coming up soon on the show!


	12. Disrupting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A possible monster in town disrupts everyone's newly peaceful lives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry that this took so long to get out, guys. I ran into a big case of writer's block and I hade to write some other stuff to get this going again. I hope you enjoy!

Sam is installing a new light fixture at the motel when his cell phone trills for his attention. He climbs down off his ladder and pulls it out, wondering who would be calling. He usually only gets the occasional text from Dean and Amelia, but not any calls. He quickly taps the send button when he sees that it's Amelia calling.

"Hey there," He says with a smile.

"Hey Sam," She says with a sigh, long and tired.

"Long morning?"

"Yeah. It was weird. We got a dog in today. He was beaten, his owner attacked him."

"Shit," Sam mutters but lets Amelia continue.

"And I know his owner, too. Mrs. Greenfield. She just got him a couple weeks ago. She's loved her past dogs, no issues ever."

"She brought the dog in?"

"No, a neighbor brought him in. He went into her house when he heard yelling and the dog crying yelping."

"Holy- Did he say why she went nuts like that?"

"Yeah, apparently she was ranting about monsters and the dog being a man. She's really lost it. We, well- _he_ called the police and reported her for animal cruelty."

Sam went cold at the mention of monsters. Sweat prickles up on the back of his neck and he tries to keep his voice even as he asks, "How's the dog doing? Did he make it?"

"We're keeping him sedated for now, but he's going to make it. He's a tough boy," She said affectionately, which made Sam cringe. If Mrs. Greenfield really saw her dog turn into a man, he hopes Amelia won't get too attached.

"Alright, that's great… Hey, how long until he wakes up?"

"Oh, um, we're thinking to keep him down until tomorrow morning."

"Okay, well, I gotta go. The boss is calling me over," He lied quickly and hung up despite what sounded like a protest from Amelia. He immediately dials Dean's number.

  
*              *              *              *              *              *              *

 

Dean was waxing the impala when he heard the front door shut and looks up to see Castiel approaching with a phone to his ear. He grabs a rag and cleans his hands off as Castiel continues to speak to whoever's on the other end.

"Yes, that does sound like it might supernatural in nature. Yes."

Dean raises an eyebrow at this and walks up to meet Cas, beckoning for his phone.

"Sam, Dean wants to speak to you." Castiel handed over the phone and Dean eagerly put it to his own ear.

"Sammy?"

"Dean! Hey, so I think there's something up at Amelia's office. She called me just now and said that a guy brought a dog in and he said his neighbor beat it saying it was a monster, that it was really a man," Sam says, sounding panicky.

"Whoa, Whoa, this lady attacked a dog and said it was really some guy?"

"Yeah, she said it was a monster."

"How do we know she's not just nuts?'

Sam pauses before says, "Dean, I know it's not much to go on, but the dog is at the office with Amelia. They're gonna take it off sedation tomorrow."

Dean knows what this means. It means that there is a possible monster at Amelia's office and it may be panicky and angry when it wakes up. "Alright, Sammy. It's okay. Can you get off work?"

"Uh, yeah. I'm off in an hour anyway, Boss shouldn't mind be skipping out a little early."

"Okay…" Dean's mind is blanking. Shit. Sam was looking to Dean for some help protecting his girlfriend from who knows what and Dean's mind was blanking.

"I'll come back home." Sam's voice cuts through Dean's thoughts. "Amelia said the lady's name was Greenfield. See if you and Cas can figure out where she lives. We should talk to her. See you soon."

"Yeah, okay," Dean says and hangs up. He looks around the front yard and sees Cas examining the wax that still covers most of the Impala. "Cas, we got work to do." They both head inside and Dean looks around for Sam's laptop.

"Sam said that a dog at Amelia's veterinary office may not be a dog. It sounds like…" Dean's mind blanked on the name. He remembered what they were; dogs that turned into humans and vice versa. They had encountered one that had been living with a family for a long time. What were their names?

"Sam told me as well. If the dog owner was not mistaken, it seems to be skinwalkers," Cas says, answering Dean's internal question. They walk into the living room, Dean berating himself inwardly for forgetting the name.  Cas looks him over and frowns, but says nothing about the trouble on Dean's face. Sam's laptop is situated on the coffee table and Dean goes over, intending to start his research.

Cas settles in next to him, watching Dean bring up a page on skinwalkers. "Dean, do you believe that this monster is real?"

"Knowing our luck, Cas…" Dean trails off as he tries to read the page before him. It's blocks of plain black sentences on a white background, and lots of the words are longer than his new limitations let him handle. He schools his face into a blank mask as he continues to attempt reading. Cas continues to stare, though, and Dean does his best to ignore it and read, but it's being difficult. Dean decides to track down the location of Mrs. Greenfield instead.

*              *              *              *              *              *              *

 

The motel isn't far away, so Sam arrives quickly. He walks in to find Dean and Cas on the couch, with Dean scowling at his laptop. Sam's had a chance to calm himself down from the initial panic that Amelia's phone call left him with, so he's a little bemused by Dean's apparent hatred of his computer.

Dean looks up and spots Sam, immediately getting up from his place on the couch. "Fucking finally! You do it, apparently I'm now shit at any and all research!"  Dean barks.

Research has never been Dean's favorite, but he's always been capable enough and he always came through in a pinch. Sam glances at Cas, who's looking at Dean with concern. Dean storms off into the kitchen and Cas looks back at Sam, saying, "We were unable to locate the dog owner. I was not much help."

Sam nods and goes to sit at his computer, immediately bring up the proper pages for his search. Dean comes back from the kitchen with a mug of coffee and sits in of the armchairs, staring petulantly across the room. It only takes Sam a few minutes to locate Mrs. Greenfield's address.

"Got it," Sam says. He looks over to Dean and says, "How do you wanna handle this?"

Dean blinks and looks back at Sam. "What? Sorry."

"How do you wanna do this?

Dean takes his eyes off of Sam and thinks for a moment. "We don't have any ASPCA badges, huh?"

Sam nods and adds, "Plus, Amelia said that the neighbor already reported her, they've probably already been there. I don't want to risk raising suspicions."

"What about CDC? We could say that we think the dog might have had a disease. "

"That might work. Communicable with humans, sometimes causes fevers and deliriousness?"

Cas decides to pipe up. "That sounds plausible enough."

Dean nods and stands. "The angel agrees, good enough for me." Sam glances over and notices a slight smile on Cas' face at Dean's remark. Dean heads towards the stairs and Sam's thoughts are quickly ripped from the Angel's smile.

"Dean, are you sure you want to-" Sam is cut off though. Dean raises a hand as he continues on up the stairs. Sam and Cas watch him go.

"Sam, Dean will be able to handle this," Cas says as he stands and heads to the duffel that he keep his own clothes in. They need to suit up. "Do not worry excessively."

Sam nods, reminding himself that Dean has been doing this for even longer than he has. He'll be able to handle himself in a quick scope out and interview. Nothing dangerous will be happening this time around. He heads towards his room, ready to put on his suit and figure out the truth behind this incident and determine if Amelia is in danger.

*              *              *              *              *              *              *

Half an hour later, the three of them pull up in front of a small house with a well taken care of garden and far too many garden gnomes.  Dean looks to Sam from the driver's seat and asks, "Names?" Sam pulls out the CDC badges and looks them over. It's been a while since they used these badges, and considering how many they have, it's hard to keep all the names straight.

"Marconi is me… And you are Blondestone," Sam provides as he hands over Dean's badge. Dean nods and tucks the badge into his inside jacket pocket, leaving the clip hanging free for quick access. Sam does the same and glances between Cas and Dean. "What about Cas?"

"I will stay invisible and investigate the house while you two are busy," Cas provides just as he disappears from the back seat. Both the Winchesters blink at his sudden disappearance, but take it in stride and climb out of the car.

They approach the house and Dean notices a few drops of blood on the front porch. He nudges Sam and indicates the small trail.  Sam's face contorts with a little disgust, but he quickly lets it go and knocks on the door. A moment passes and nobody comes to the door. Sam tries again, knocking harder this time. Another moment passes, but this time, they hear footsteps approaching the door. The sound of locks unlatching come from the other side and the door cracks open.

An older lady, seemingly in her late fifties or early sixties eyes them through the crack. "What do you want?" she asks gruffly, obviously not in a cooperative mood.

Sam and Dean pull out their badges and quickly show them to the woman before retracting them. Sam takes the lead and says, "Hello, Mrs. Greenfield. We're from CDC and we got wind of a possible animal attack. It sounds similar to some other cases we've run into and we'd like to ask you about your incident."

She eyes them carefully and opens the door a little more. "You think he might have had a disease?"

Dean says, "Possibly. We heard about the… strange circumstances and it raises a couple red flags. Can we come in?"

She steps back from the door and opens it, gesturing for them to come in.  They walk in, taking in their surroundings. It's a clean house, obviously well taken care of, but not meticulously so. As they walk into the living room, Sam notices the large dog pillow by the TV and a basket of dog toys. Sam and Dean take a seat on the sofa while Mrs. Greenfield sits in a cushy armchair, visibly tired.

"So, Mrs. Greenfield, can you tell us about the dog? Name, breed, where you got him, his behavior, etc.?" Sam asks politely.

The woman puts a hand to her temple and rubs. "Um, his name was Barty. I didn't get him, per se. He was a stray and I started leaving food out for him. He was really friendly and I took him in, got him tested for the standard things. Shots. He was clean."

"When was that?" Sam asked.

"Just a couple weeks."

"How was he? Okay dog?" Dean asked with a vague gesture.

"Yeah. He was a sweet thing. I thought he was trained; he followed directions really well. He was very smart and independent."

"So what led up to the incident?

"You won't believe me. I don't even believe myself."

Sam nods and says, "Ma'am, we've seen some really weird stuff. Try us."

She looks them both over and heaves a sigh. "I came home from work early. I wasn't feeling good. I came in the front door and heard someone talking. I got scared, you know? I don't know why I didn't just leave and go to my neighbor's. I walked further in and I looked down the hall towards the kitchen and… I saw him. Some guy talking on the phone. As soon as I saw him, I must have yelled or something, he looked at me and…" She trailed off, her face going slack.

"What did he do?" Sam asked gently.

"He changed. I know I screamed then. He changed into Barty. It was… He tried to run past me, to the front door. I kicked him. I must have hit him hard, because he went down and… I just kept hitting him." Tears were forming in the woman's eyes and she reached for a tissue box on an end table next to the chair she was sitting in. "That's when George came in. He must have heard me, because he came in and grabbed me, restrained me. I stopped hitting Barty and he picked him up and took him out of the house. I tried to tell him not take him. I was talking crazy. Monsters. The ASPCA showed up about an hour later, they said it ws my first offence, so they only fined me.The way they were looking at me… If Barty had a disease, could I have gotten it? Is that why I saw what I saw?"

"We're not completely sure yet. The disease we're looking into induces hallucinations sometimes, and fevers. They hit fast and go just as quick. You said you weren't feeling good?" Sam inquired as he jotted some things down on the notepad he kept in his suit jacket.

"Yeah, no. Headache and tired. I don't know if I had a fever. Do I need to worry about this?"

Dean jumps in, "No, no. It seems to pass quickly. With some rest and TLC, you'll be fine. We'll do some blood work on the dog and see if we can find anything."

"Okay. If that's all you need…I really need a nap. I've had one hell of a day."

Sam stands and tucks away his notepad. "Of course, we'll leave you be." Sam starts to walk towards the door, but notices that Dean isn't following. He looks over and Dean is staring blankly in the direction of the dog bed. "Agent Blondestone?" Dean doesn't snap out of it and continues to stare. Sam quickly walks over and lightly smacks Dean on the shoulder. Dean seems to blink his way out his reverie and looks up at Sam. "Huh?"

"Time to go."

"Oh! Yeah. Okay." Dean colors a bit and glances over to Mrs. Greenfield who raises an eyebrow at him. He quickly stands and heads towards the door.

Sam hands a business card to Mrs. Greenfield. "Call us if anything else occurs to you."

"Right," She says and walks them both to the door. She closes the door behind them and they make their way over to the Impala. When they climb in, they find Cas in the back seat, patiently awaiting their return.

"Hey, Cas. Did you see anything weird?"

"No. If this was a supernatural being, it did leaves any traces."

Sam sighs and says, "I dunno if they give off much of an aura or whatever, anyway."

"I did find this, though," Cas says and holds a scrap of paper towards Dean.  

Dean reads it off, "June 19, 8pm, Terrace."

"That hand writing did not match the rest of the writing from the notepad it came from. I believe it may be from our potential skinwalker."

"That's only a few days away." Sam suggests, "A meeting or something?"

"That's all I can think of. What's 'Terrace' though?" Dean asks. Neither Sam nor Cas answer, leaving a tense silence over the car.

Sam breaks it. "You think that means more of them are coming?"

"Yeah, I think so," Dean says gravely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND the supernatural comes back into their lives! I'm hoping I pull this off well. Don't worry, though! I'm going have Dan and Cas' googly eyesp rogress into more soon and Cas is going to keep visiting Dean's dreams.
> 
> Feel free to visit me on Tumblr: http://missreneechan.tumblr.com/
> 
> or check out my other works. As always, feedback is completely appreciated. :D Have a good one!


	13. Investigating

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Team free will find out more about the monsters in their midst and Dean and Cas have a moment.

Dean swallows his pride and asks, "So, Sam…these things were like werewolves, right? Silver does the trick?"

Sam looks up from the trunk he had stashed all of their hunting supplies in. He had bought it, filled it with everything hunter related from the Impala and kept it locked ever since he decided to stay in town. He's now unlocking it for the first time in almost a year.

"Yeah, you don-" Sam stopped himself before he asked an insensitive question about Dean's memory. "Yeah, they're almost exactly the same. Eat hearts, bite people to change them, but they have control over when they can change."

"Right," Dean mutters and props himself against the door jamb leading into the house from garage.  Cas is standing near Sam, watching him open up the chest. Once Sam has it open, he digs around pulls out two big silver knives and a couple other items. "I don't think we have anything else they're weak to."

They were interrupted by the sudden grinding of the garage door opener lurching into action. Sam and Dean jumped and turned to see the garage door lifting, revealing Amelia's car ready to pull into the garage. Amelia waved from behind the wheel, obviously a little surprised to see all three of them in the garage. Sam quickly shut the chest full of hunter paraphernalia and stood away from it.

Amelia pulled her car in and parked. "Hey, Guys," she greeted amiably. Once she had climbed out she eyes the boys who all seem a little too casual. Then she spots something. "Are those… daggers?"

Sam spins around notices that the two silver knives he had pulled out were still lying on the floor next to the chest. Shit. Sam turns back to her and says, "Uh, yeah. I guess they are."

She walks over and picks one up, eyeing it closely. It's plain, but it still looks like something you might pick up a sporting goods store, innocuous.

"I didn't know you had anything like this," She says.

"Yeah, well, we were looking through some of our Dad's old stuff. He collected all kinds of things," Sam explains, hoping he sounds convincing.  Dean and Cas just look on, Dean a little more tense than Cas.

Amelia flips the knife around a little more deftly than one might expect and extends the handle to Sam. "It's nice. Silver?" Sam nods and takes it, going to pick up the other as Amelia heads towards the house. "How does stroganoff sounds for dinner, guys? I have a craving."

Dean perks up and says, "I like stroganoff," lamely as he stands aside and lets Amelia through the door.

She gives him a smile and says, "Good." She disappears into the house and they all wait for the sounds of her foot steps to gets faint. Dean quickly closes the door between the house and garage and glares at Sam.

"Jesus, Sammy. Make sure that trunk is locked, okay?" Dean commanded. Sam went back the chest and locked it up, complete with combination lock and scary hunter supplies inside.

"Alright, so…Cas, I think we're gonna need you to get the animal out of the vet's office. They've probably got cameras and a security system and we don't have time to do research on it. It's gotta be tonight."

"We need to find out about that note, though. We can't kill him right away. If there's more headed here, how many, the works," Sam pointed out.

"I can retrieve the creature without difficulty. Amelia said he was sedated, correct?" Cas questioned.

"Yeah. You better wait until later, though. I think there are employees there until late," Sam said with a sigh. He sat in a fold out chair that had been leaning up against the wall and ran his hands through his hair, generally seeming tense and worried.

Dean stepped forward and asked, "You alright?"

"No. I mean, I guess I kinda knew that something like this might show up eventually. But…" Sam trailed of.

"Yeah, I know what you mean. I was just starting to get used to this." Dean said solemnly.

Cas approached Dean and said, "We will solve this issue and your lives will be peaceful again. Don't worry."

Dean nodded and turned to head inside. "Let's keep our cool for now. After Amelia knocks out for the night, we'll talk more." With that, he walked away.

Cas faced Sam with concern on his face. "Dean was reluctant to let hunting go. It's unfortunate that he must do it again just when he was beginning to accept his new life."

Sam scowls and kicks a spot on the floor. "I know, I know. I wouldn't ask either if… if Amelia weren't here."

"Dean understands, Sam. I think even if Amelia weren't here and he got wind of monsters in the immediate area, he would be tempted to engage them."

Sam huffs and nods. "Yeah, you're probably right. This whole thing has been going way too smoothly anyway." He heads for the door and gestures of his shoulder for Cas to follow. "C'mon."

*              *              *              *              *              *              *

 

After a few hours of pleasant, but distracted conversation, and a tasty stroganoff dinner, the three men watched Amelia ascend the stair case towards her bedroom. Once they heard the door click shut behind her, Sam leaned forward in his arm chair and started with, "Alright, so how do we want to do this? Drive the office, have Cas grab the thing-"

Dean, who is sitting across from Sam in the other armchair lurches upright and interrupts, "Whoa, Whoa, Whoa! _No_ dogs in car, Sam! I've told you."

Sam rolls his eyes and groans. "What do you want to do, then?"

"Distance does not matter. We should find a place to keep the creature while we question it. I will leave from there, retrieve it, and return to same location," Cas responds.

Dean leans back in his chair and motions to Cas. "What he said," he says with a grin. _Cas to the rescue again_ , he thinks.

"Alright, that works. How about this? I go jogging by through the industrial park sometimes. There's a couple warehouses that are up for sale, they should be empty," Sam explained.

"That should work. Cool, we got a plan." Dean couldn't help it, the old rush of a plan and a clear goal was getting to him. He knew that ideally, this wouldn't last. Sam and Amelia would get on with their lives, Dean would continue to work on his issues and Cas… well, who knew what Cas would do?

"Let's get going, then. I'll go get our stuff," Sam says as he heads to the garage, presumably to get the silver knives.

Dean looks over at Cas, who is sitting neatly on the couch. He's wearing a dark blue t-shirt that clings to him in all the right places. Cas looks like any average guy you might find on the street. Okay, yes, he was more attractive than the average guy, but he looked like a normal human. Nothing about him would give away that this life had found himself in was probably infinitely boring and tediously domestic. He was probably a little bit relieved to be doing something else, fighting something.

"Looking forward to getting out?" Dean asks.

Cas looks up and in a very human gesture, shrugs. "I don't know if that's the correct wording for it. I'm always grateful to be able to help. Especially when people might be in danger."

"Yeah, but…"

"Yes?" Cas leans forward, raising an eyebrow.

"Do you want to… keep doing this?"

"Keep doing what?" Cas questioned with a tilt to his head.

"The human thing. Pretending to be one of us. Don't you want to go back? Up to heaven?"

Cas' amiable expression vanishes.  He sits up straighter and his shoulders visibly tense. "No."

Dean only pauses for a moment. "What? Why?"

"Dean…. There are reasons I can't go back and I don't wish to talk about it." Cas shuffles uncomfortably and offers Dean small, unsure nod.

"Right. I just thought, you know, this is first bit of excitement we've had in a while. I haven't even seen you use any of your mojo recently. Don't want you getting bored and…" _leaving,_ Dean's brain helpfully provides.

He suddenly feels a hand on his own. "I won't leave, Dean." Dean's head snaps up to look at Cas, who is wearing an affectionate smile as he kneels next to Dean's chair. He feels his face heat up, but can't bring himself to pull his hand away from the angel. "Yes, human life is occasionally mundane and I do sometimes miss heaven, but I would not leave you. I am enjoying my life here with you and Sam. I told you once that I found the intricacies of human life interesting. It would be far less interesting if I were not learning them with you, Dean."

Cas is staring at Dean intently, saying these words and holding his hand and Dean is wondering why he isn't pulling away. Cas is enticing and Dean doesn't realize it, but he leans forward. Cas is only inches away and Dean can feel the faint touch of Cas' breath over his own lips. Heat curls through Dean's chest and settles low in his belly. Cas' eyes flick downwards towards Dean's lips and Dean does all he can not to gasp as the heat in his belly flares.

A yelp startles them both out of their moment. Dean's head whips around and he sees Sam looking very embarrassed, having just come around the corner from the garage.  Cas stands and moves back, letting go of Dean's hand. Dean's face heats even more and is about to offer an excuse of some kind when Sam speaks.

"Uh…" Sam is lost for words for only a moment, before he clears his throat and walks forward, saying, "Here. I was keeping track of this for you."

It's Dean's Colt 1911. Dean almost jerks with the realization that he hasn't seen his gun in well over a year. He used to sleep with it in arm's reach and he hadn't even known it was missing. What was wrong with him? He was raised to be vigilant, not to be slacking off and crushing on angels. He can't afford to be.

Sam hands over Dean's Colt and Dean immediately sets to checking it over, hands sliding over the ivory. They have no silver bullets, those were more difficult to come by than silver knives and in the past, they had made them themselves.  Hopefully, they wouldn't need them.  Dean would up his game tonight. He would keep Sam safe and get him back to his normal apple pie life with Amelia. He wouldn't let himself be distracted.

"Let's do this," Dean said as he tucks the gun into the back of his pants.

*              *              *              *              *              *              *

They're standing in an empty warehouse with the doors barred and a fold-out chair is set up, chained to a pillar for the eventual captive. They had checked the area, there was minimal security, so there is no worry of being interrupted.  They have a duffel bag of supplies including a rope that had a silver chain woven through it and some other basics. Dean checks the chamber of his Colt one more time and looks between Cas and Sam. "We ready?

Sam nods. "Yeah, I think we're good. You know where to go, right, Cas?"

"Yes. I will return shortly." Cas blinked out of sight and silence overtook the room.

"So…" Sam began while he obviously restrained himself from smirking.

Groaning, Dean rolls his eyes and resists smacking his little brother. "What, Sammy?"

"I didn't mean to interrupt you earlier. Sorry about that… What exactly was going on there?"

Dean scrubs a hand over his face and looks anywhere but at Sam. "Going on where?"

"You know what I mean. Cas and you, holding each other's-" Sam begins teasingly.

"Okay! Okay. Yeah, I know what you mean. Jesus."

"So?"

"So, what?"

Now it's Sam's turn to roll his eyes. "Dean."

"What?"

" _Dean."_

"Use your words, Sammy."

Sam heaves a huge sigh and pinches the bridge of his nose in frustration. "Dean.  I'm just asking, I'm not going to judge. _Is_ anything there?"

"Sam," Dean groans in frustration.

Their conversation ends abruptly when Cas appears in front of them, a large mutt-looking dog in his arms. The dog is still unconscious and hangs limply in Cas' grip. "I believe we will have to wake him to get him to transform," Cas states simply and sets the dog down on the floor next to the chair.

Dean steps up and asks, "Can you wake him up?"

"Yes."

"Alright Sam, ready?" Dean pulls out his silver knife and holds it at the ready as Sam does the same. "Go for it, Cas."

Cas nods and reaches out, grabbing the dog by the scruff of the neck as he set his typical two finger on the dog's forehead. Slowly, the dog's eyes open and as soon as they focus on the angel looming over him, he jerks in surprise let out a miserable whine. The skinwalker's eyes flick between the three of them and Dean steps forward.

"Okay, let's be up-front. We're hunters and you're a skinwalker. We just want to talk. Why don't you switch over and we'll have a friendly conversation?" Dean cajoles.

The skinwalker, Barty, stares for only a moment longer before he begins to change. Cas stands back and in seconds there is a naked man lying on the floor in front of them, obviously scared. Dean reaches into their duffel bag and pulls out some clothes for the guy. He tosses them over to guy and says, "Here."

As he dresses, Dean sizes the guy up. He's of average build and a little short, probably not even 5'8". He has longish, sandy blonde hair and generally unremarkable. The guy would be an idiot to try to escape. Once he is fully dressed, Sam goes about tying him to the chair with the silver chain/rope. Barty's skin burns when a few links of silver chain slip over his skin and he yelps, but otherwise stays silent. Sam's plainly restraining himself from just laying into this guy. He is a threat to Sam's girlfriend and way of life, but Sam's showing impressive restraint.

Sam steps back and surveys his works for a moment before saying, "Alright. We found this." Sam produces the note they had found in Mrs. Greenfield's house. The skinwalker groans at the sight of it. "We're thinking that there are more of you guys on their way here. What's going on? You guys coming here to turn people?"

"Look, you're not going to get me to tell on my people," Barty growls, trying to put on brave face.

Sam steps forward and quickly lashed out with his knife, slashing Barty across the arm. Barty cries out in pain and stares in shock at the now steaming gash on his arm. Sam continues, "You guys picked the wrong town to try to move into. See, we're the Winchesters and _that_ guy?" Sam pointed at Cas. "You don't want to know what he is."

Barty's eyes widen and he glances over at Cas, eyeing him up and down. Dean speaks up. "If you've ever heard of us, you know that you don’t want your pack moving in here."

Barty side-eyes Cas again, sniffs the air and looks back at Sam. "He's…not human."

Sam chuckles. "No. No, he's not. But you need to worry about yourself right now, right? We're not too friendly to heart-eating, shape changing monsters."

Dean nods and adds, "We won't get along."

"So tell us what we want to know about these other skinwalkers, how many, where they're meeting and you can leave town with minimal bodily harm," offers Sam with a smirk.

"They'd kill me," Barty stammers.

"Not if they don't find out. You tell us what's going, you leave town quietly and we'll take care of the pack. All of them," Dean reasons.

"Look, you didn't hurt the lady you were living with, so I take it you're not looking to wreak havoc on humans everywhere all the time. You don't seem like that type," Sam insisted. "We're going to give you the benefit of the doubt."

Barty swallows loudly and twists in the ropes. His gaze flicks nervously from each of his captors to the other. Then, he seems to break down and blurts, "There's about 20 of them. They're relocating 'cause they lost a bunch of their members in a turf war and they want to turn some new people. They sent me ahead to scope out the town and I told them to head on in." Barty's eyes are watering up now.

Sam sighs and looks at Dean, who just shakes his head and asks, "We know when you're meeting them; where?"

Barty sniffles and takes a deep breath. "Terrace Brickworks about 20 minutes outside of town on highway 302. It's… abandoned."

"Right. Of course. Cas?" Dean looks to Cas for some sort of response.

Cas nods and says, "He's telling the truth."

Sam steps back from the skinwalker and says, "Cas, can you do us a favor drop this somewhere _very_ far away?"

Cas simply reaches and puts a hand on the skinwalker's shoulder. Just as Barty looks up at Sam and Dean with panic in his eyes, he disappears. Dean blinks and asks, "Where'd you chuck him to?"

"Nepal," Cas stated.

Dean snorts in an effort to hold back a laugh. "Nepal? Really."

Cas tilts his head and squints confusedly. "You said ' _very_ far away.'"

Sam scoffs and says, "Yup. I really did. I think Nepal works."

Dean smacks a hand onto Cas' shoulder and chuckles, "Dude, don't ever change."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAH!! I did it. This chapter was a bit of doozey to get out, but I did it! Yeah! So, Dean and Cas' relationship is gonna start heating up and at the same time, they've gotta hunt these skinwalkers without Amelia noticing. Yeesh, right?
> 
> I love feedback, comments and anything else you're willing to give me. I always want to know about any mistakes.
> 
> If you feel like it, take a look at my tumblr and chat me up: http://missreneechan.tumblr.com/


	14. Escaping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas take some time off before they have to get back to hunting and Sam realizes that he might need to talk with Amelia.

Dean kicks at the broken brick next to his foot. It skitters away across the concrete floor and rejoins the others in a large pile in the corner. Terrace Brickworks is similar to any of the other empty factories, foundries, warehouses and other buildings that they had set up in before, if a little more run down. There’s graffiti across one wall and it had caught Cas' attention and he’s staring at it interestedly.

They had come here to scope the place out before the skinwalker pack showed up the next day. It's always a good to be familiar with the layout before heading into any sort ambush even if you’re doing the ambushing.

Dean isn't sure how he feels about suddenly being thrown back into hunting. This whole time he had felt like it had been _so long_ since their last hunt, but now he almost feels as if he needed more time to get back into the swing of things. He’s concentrating as best he can, but his thoughts keep wandering back to the night before. To how close Cas had been and the words he had said. It was distracting to say the least. Dean had enough trouble concentrating these days and Cas wasn't making it easy on him.

"I believe I have seen enough," Cas says from behind him.

"Enough graffiti you mean?" Dean questions jokingly.

"The building as well. I have the layout memorized."

Dean scoffs and kicks another chunk of brick across the floor. "Yeah, I think I've seen enough, too." He looks at Cas and considers their situation. They don't have anything to do for the rest of the day until Sam comes home from work and the three of them could talk about a plan. Maybe they should get as much as they could out the time they had before the hunt, enjoy themselves a little.

"Hey, you wanna go do something?"

"Do something?" Cas asks.

"Yeah, let's go do something. Take the afternoon off," Dean says and walks towards the exit, signaling Cas to follow. Cas falls into step next to him and raises an eyebrow in question.

"Yeah, we can catch a flick or something. Have some fun, you know?"

"I suppose that would be good," Cas concedes.

"Damn right it'll be good." They make their way out to the Impala and climb in. Dean starts it up and they're on the road, heading back to Kermit. As he drives, he tries to remember what movies are out. "I can't remember what movies are out, we'll have to go take a look."

"Why do we need to go to a theater?" Cas asks. "We can watch movies at the house."

"It's different. The screen's bigger, there's surround sound and it's easier to just, you know, get lost in it."

"I don't understand."

"You know! You forget you're just watching a movie in a theater and just… get lost. I dunno how else to explain it," Dean tries with a vague wave of his hand.

"That could be pleasant, I imagine. I've enjoyed some of the movies we've watched, but I admit I've never forgotten what I was doing while doing it. It sounds like escapism."

"It is," Dean confirms with a shrug.

"Isn't that bad? I thought escapism-"

"Well, escaping through movies is a lot healthier escapism than other methods. Don't worry about it too much, it kinda defeats the purpose."

"Alright."

*              *              *              *              *              *              *

Fifteen minutes later, they're outside Kermit's only movie theater and staring at the grand total of three movies that are playing: Iron Man 3, The Great Gatsby and something called The Big Wedding. Dean cringes at the last one, but Iron man sounds good. He looks over at Cas, about to voice his opinion when he remembers that Cas probably hasn't seen any of the Iron Man movies.

"You haven't seen any of the Iron Man movies on TV have you?" he asks.

"No, I haven't."

"Damnit. Well, that leaves Gatsby. I only ever saw the 70's one. They made us watch it in high school."

"Why?"

"Because they were teaching the book. It was alright. Had Robert Redford in it. Come on, let's go get tickets." Dean wanders over to the box office and bought their tickets. The lady inside raised an eyebrow at Dean, probably wondering why two grown men were going to see a movie at 2:00 in the afternoon on a weekday. Or maybe Dean was just feeling self-conscious and the woman didn't even care. It was hard to tell.

He handed over Cas' ticket and led the two of them into the theater where a teenager behind a counter was selling snacks and popcorn. "So, if you want to do be a real movie goer, you need popcorn and Icees."

"What's an Icee?" Cas asks with a frown, as if an Icee sounded dangerous.

"Delicious," was Dean's only response. He nods at the teenage boy behind the counter and orders, "Two large Icees, one coke, cone raspberry, and an extra-large popcorn.” The boy sets to work and after a moment and a call of, "More butter," Dean and Cas have their wares.

Another teenager tears their tickets for them and they find their theater. Amazingly, the small theater is empty. "Huh, that doesn't happen a lot," Dean mutters to himself, but apparently Cas hears him anyway.

"What doesn't happen?"

"Oh, just never had an empty theater before. Maybe someone will show up. Let's sit." Dean leads the two of them towards the center of the middle-most row. "The best spot is directly in the middle. If you can't get that, you go for the closest to it," Dean explains. He tries not to think about how close Cas will be sitting and how dark and intimate the theater’s going to be without the buffer of other people. He especially tries not to think about how close to a date this might to seem. Because it’s not.

"I'll remember," Cas says gravely.

Once they’re situated in their seats, Dean sticks the raspberry Icee in the cup holder next to Cas and the coke in his own. In order to avoid a lull in conversation, he says immediately, "Alright, these are the two best Icee flavors; Blue Raspberry and Coke. Try 'em both and let me know what you think."

Cas grabs the raspberry Icee and peered at the contents of the cup. "I don't believe this is a color that occurs naturally in nature."

Dean laughs and responds, "Yeah, I think you're right."

Cas sips the stuff through the red straw and immediately, his eyebrows shoot up. Dean wonders if that’s a good sign for only a moment before Cas starts slurping with more gusto, then he scoffs. "I guess you like it, huh?"

"I was right. This color and this flavor does not exist in nature, but it is very good."

"Here, try this one," Dean says as he offers the Coke flavored Icee. Cas reluctantly sets down the raspberry Icee and takes the proffered one. He sips carefully and frowns.

"I think I prefer the 'Blue Raspberry' to this one," Cas says with barely concealed disgust.

"Okay, that's fine. I like the Coke one more anyway."

There are still-image advertisements on the screen in front of them, all for local businesses. Dean watches the images come and go before an advertisement for a bank comes on, reading, “Planning for retirement? Don’t make it up as you go!”

Dean didn’t read the rest of the ad because suddenly, Dean is standing in Chuck’s house with the prophet in front of him. He remembers this, but something is different from the vague memory he used to have. He realizes Cas is standing next to him. Chuck exclaims, “Yeah, but you guys aren't supposed to be there. You're not in this story!”

Dean remembers the fear and worry and he remembers that Sam was on his way to kill Lilith and it was going to raise Lucifer, that it _did_ raise Lucifer. He had remembered that all along, but this time Cas pulls him out of his worry and fear and says, “Yeah well, we're making it up as we go.”

Dean starts to remember the abrupt swell of camaraderie and affection he felt for Castiel in that moment. A little confusion, too. Why was as doing this? Wasn’t Cas a good little soldier? One that believed in destiny and the plan? He was really willing to go against Heaven for Dean and his brother? A bright light shines through Chuck’s windows and everything starts to shake and rumble, but the memory is interrupted.

Dean feels a hand on his shoulder and all at once, he’s back in the theater and Cas is still next to him, but this time, he’s looking at Dean with concern from his seat.

“Dean, are you alright?” he asks quietly.

“I remembered something.” Cas’ eyebrow lift in response, but he says nothing else. Dean continues, “It was you that let me out of the green room, wasn’t it? I remember going to Chuck’s and you said, ‘We’re making it up as we go.’ You stayed behind because… because an archangel was coming…” Dean stares at Cas intently, but Cas’ face does not change from his usual stoic mask.

“Why did you…?” he asks

Cas finally looks away from Dean. “You,” he says simply as if that should explain everything.

“What does that mean; ‘me’?” Dean says frustratedly.

“You convinced me to go against orders. I had my doubts about heaven’s plans for you, humanity and the apocalypse and… working with you and seeing you and humanity live, it convinced me to go against the plan, as it were. I became convinced that Heaven’s plan was not right and that you needed my help.”

“So you helped us,” Dean mumbles, eyes still on Cas’ face. Dean knows this, Sam had explained that Cas had given up almost everything over the years to help them. It’s different to remember it, though. He remembers the emotions that went along with the memories now and they were pretty intense.

“Yes,” Cas confirms. “It’s good that you’re remembering more, Dean. I’m sorry if it is a little jarring.”

“No, it’s not your fault-“ Dean is cut off as the lights go down and loud music comes over the speakers. “Oh, the movie’s starting,” He says lamely.

“Dean, we do not have to stay if you would rather-“

“No, Cas it’s fine. It’ll be good to just… watch a movie and relax,” Dean assures and pats Cas on the knee. He has the sudden urge to leave his hand there and give Cas a reassuring squeeze, but he takes his hand away and turns to watch the movie. He doesn’t know the Cas misses his hand after it’s gone.

*              *              *              *              *              *              *

 

The credits roll and Dean rouses from the movie mindset. He had done what he had been telling Cas about before the movie, he got lost in it. He didn’t typically go for these types of movies, but since the accident, his brain was much more willing to shut down and just go with it. He did it now without even trying. He hadn’t been able to do that since before Sammy had left for college, there was always too much going on in his mind. It was half a relief and half an identity crisis. For as long as Dean could remember, he was a guy who lived and breathed the job and now even if he wanted to be all about the job all the time, his brain wasn’t letting him. It’s strange, to say the least.

Dean looks over to Cas and asks, “So what’d you think?”

“It was… interesting.”

“Interesting?”

“Yes. I forget sometimes how ruled by emotions humans can be. I realize this film was a work of fiction, and that I am new to world of human emotions, but I found certain aspects interesting.”

Dean raises an eyebrow. “What parts?”

Cas frowns in thought for a moment and says, “I believe that the character Daisy loved both Tom and Gatsby, but was mostly concerned with maintaining a lack of confrontation. She would not tell Gatsby that she loved Tom and she would not tell Tom about her relationship with Gatsby all due to her fear of the possible outcomes. She wanted an escape from her life and feared facing the problems in it.” Cas looks up at Dean and asks, “Was she a bad person? For being afraid?”

Dean leans back in his chair and lets loose a sigh. He remembers Cas saying that he doesn’t want to return to Heaven and he wonders if Cas was really asking about himself, not Daisy. Cas obviously has his reasons for not wanting to return and Dean could see that Cas felt guilty about something. “I don’t know Cas. I’m not exactly one to judge, I guess. I’ve never exactly been the best at dealing with my own shit. She’s not a bad person, no, but she did make things a lot worse by not dealing with it, even if she didn’t mean to.”

Cas looks down at his hands folded in his lap. “I suppose.”

Dean smacks Cas lightly on the shoulder. “So, heavy stuff aside, did you like it?” he asks as he stands.

Cas stands as well and moves to follow Dean as he heads towards the exit. “Yes. I see what you mean about getting lost in the film.”

“See? I knew you’d like going to the movies.” Dean grins as they walk.

*              *              *              *              *              *              *

Dean pulls up in front of the house and before he can shift the Impala into park, Sam is out the front door and walking towards the car. Dean climbs out and calls out to Sam, “Hey, Sammy, what’s up?”

Sam reaches him and says, “Dean, you forgot your gun,” with concern obvious on his face. Cas steps out of the Impala and joins them.

“Sam, I was fine. Cas came with-“

“If we had encountered anything, I would never let Dean come to harm,” Cas supplies, which causes Dean’s cheek to color slightly.

Sam doesn’t notice, shakes his head and says, “That’s not what I’m getting at. Amelia found it. You left it out in your room _and_ you left the door open and she saw it.”

“Oh. Shit. Sorry, man. Does she not like guns or something?” Dean asks.

“Well, no, that’s not it. We’re in small-town Texas, remember? It’s not exactly out of the ordinary. She’s just a little annoyed that neither of us ever told her that we had guns in her house.”

“I guess I can’t blame her…” Dean mumbles. “Is she pissed?” Sam seems pretty worked up if Amelia is only a little annoyed.

“No, but… It’s probably nothing, I’m just worrying ‘cause, you know,” Sam says with a groan as he runs a hand through his hair.

“Yeah, I get it, man. We’ll deal with it. Don’t worry,” Dean assures with a hand on Sam’s shoulder. “Those skinwalkers will be toast before we know it. What did you tell her about the gun?”

“I said that we were raised to be safety nuts. You know? Taught how to shoot and have always had guns and forgot to mention it to her… I don’t like lying to her, Dean.” Sadness crawls across Sam’s face and something constricts in Dean’s chest.

“What’re you saying, Sam?” Dean asks carefully.

“I’m not saying anything. I just don’t like lying to her. I know that I can’t tell her, Dean,” Sam says as if Dean had already started berating him for even considering it.

Dean doesn’t know exactly why he says it, but he does, “Hey, no, I didn’t mean it like that, Sammy. I did that once, remember? I told Cassie.”

Sam looks at Dean, obviously a little surprised that Dean brought this up on his own. Then, Sam glances at Cas and explains awkwardly, “Cassie was… an old friend of Dean’s.” Dean is a little confused as to why Sam feels the need to explain and why he didn’t mention that Cassie was actually his ex… kind of. He doesn’t know if they were together long enough to really be considered dating, but he had loved the girl enough to tell her the truth.

“It’s hard to do, believe me, I get it,” Dean continues. “I mean, you and Amelia are miles away from what Cassie I were. I mean…” Dean shuffles uncomfortably. He didn’t get to play the big brother role much anymore, but he felt like he owed to it Sam to offer something in the way of encouragement to him. “I’m just saying, _if_ you were going to tell anybody and it were gonna work… I think it would be her.”

Sam stares blankly at Dean for a moment. Then, again, he glances at Cas. Cas takes a step forward and says, “Sam, I believe that Amelia will find out about your past eventually and I believe that the guilt of not telling her will only harm both of you. In my limited understanding of human relationships, if you plan to continue your relationship with her, I believe being honest would be best.”

Sam sighs and leans against the Impala. “Yeah.” He sighs again and says, “Yeah. I get it. I want to tell her, I do. I don’t think I can right now, though. Maybe after we take care of the skinwalkers.”

“Yeah, man. That sounds good. On your own time, Sammy,” Dean says and reaches out to ruffle Sam’s hair, but Sam ducks away with a laugh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone else trying to put their feels back together after the SPN finale? I am. However, it did give me ideas for a one-shot or two. So there's that.
> 
> This chapter is a just a hair longer than the others and I feel like it's a good one. I hope you enjoyed!
> 
> *shamelessly self promotes* By the way! Feel free to share this with people on your own pages, be it livejournal, tumblr or what have you!
> 
> You can find me on MissReneeChan.Tumblr.com, feel free to stop by and give me some feedback or just to talk. :D


	15. Ambushing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An ambush of two different kinds

The plan was this:

  1.        Find a spot downwind on one of the surrounding hills to wait for the baddies to show.
  2.        Wait for everyone to get inside
  3.        Once everyone’s inside, have Cas transport everyone onto good vantage point for ambush.
  4.        Open fire, leave no one.
  5.        Return home, happy and healthy.



Sam, Dean and Castiel are currently standing above Terrace Brickworks with a view of the only working entrance (They had rigged it that way). The last vestiges of twilight had left and a lone street lamp illuminated the entrance. Dean stares through a pair of binoculars as another car arrives and more seemingly normal people climb out. “That makes 22,” says Dean as makes his way back to the other two.

“He said there was about 20 of them,” Sam replies. “We’ll wait a few more minutes for them to settle in, then we’ll pop in.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Dean agrees and tucks his binoculars away into his duffle bag. He pulls out the silver knives, handing one over to Sam. They managed to find some silver cutlery at local shop and melt it down into bullets, though there aren’t many of them. They’ll have to conserve their shots and resort to the knives if they run out. Castiel’s angel blade can take out almost anything, so they’re not worried about that.

Dean’s staring blankly at his knife as Sam watches him. Dean came home the day previous and had explained about regaining another memory. It was one Sam wasn’t involved in, but it gave Dean more reason to like Cas, so that was good. The two of them hadn’t talked about Dean since that one time in the garage, but Dean had been letting Cas in more than ever. He was letting Cas help with his exercises and they spent almost every hour of every day together. The whole thing seemed inevitable at this point.

Speaking of inevitable, how is Sam supposed to reveal his past to Amelia? He wants to, he really does. He hates lying to her and wants to be honest, but he also seen how just knowing the truth about what was out there had ruined people’s lives. Cassie had not even believed Dean and Lisa and Ben didn’t even remember him anymore because life had gotten so bad after they found out. Sure, he had no reason to believe that things would go bad for him and Amelia, but knowing the Winchester’s history with relationships, there was no reason to believe that it would go well either.

Cas’ voice breaks him out of his thoughts. “They have not moved for several minutes now. I believe we can make our move.”

Sam looks to Dean, who is still examining his knife. “Ready, Dean?”

Dean blinks and looks up at him. “Hmm?”

“Cas says it’s time to go. Ready?”

“Oh. Yeah. Let’s do this.” Dean looks over to Cas and nods who step forward and sets a hand on each of their shoulders. Cas’ eyes flick from Sam’s to Dean’s and linger there. In a flash, they’re standing in a completely different place.

It’s dark and Sam hears voices coming from below them.  He turns looks and realizes that they are on a catwalk above a much larger room. One end of the catwalk leads away into another room and one leads to a set of rickety stairs down into the room below. All lights in the room are below them, lighting the skinwalkers talking amongst each other. Sam does a quick count and all 22 are present and accounted for . He leans over to whisper to Dean, “We should go for it before they get organized and quiet.”

Dean nods and pulls out his gun and Sam does the same. They both look to Cas who has his angel blade out and is standing near the rickety stairs. As soon as the brothers open fire, Cas will be there to keep attackers from rushing up the stairs to get to them. Dean and Sam stand facing away from each other, both taking aim on their first monster.

Sam counts off in a whisper, “3… 2… 1!”

Sam yelled the last number and the whole room skinwalkers looked around confusedly for the source of the noise for only a split second. It was too late, though. Sam fired, taking down a big one in a leather jacket and taking aim on any that were heading for the door. He heard Dean firing and footsteps hammering up the rickety stairs. Sam took down two more before he hears Cas yell, “Sam!” Sam looks up and sees one skinwalker barreling towards him. It’s a stocky dude with a lot of muscle on him and for some reason all Sam can think is that the guy probably turns into a bull dog of some kind before the bowls him over. Sam sees stars as his head hits the catwalk and he hears a desperate, “Sammy!” before he blacks out.

*              *              *              *              *              *              *

When he comes to, he’s completely awake and aware which means it’s probably Cas that woke him. His eyes flutter open he sees Dean looking over him worriedly and Cas kneeling next to him.

“Hey, Sammy. You okay?” Dean asks as he drop to one knee.

Sam sits up and rubs the back of his head and doesn’t feel any open wounds. “I’m fine. You guys ok?”

Cas nods as he stands and offers a hand to Sam. “Yes.” Sam took his hand and stood as well.

“What happened?” Sam asks as he looks around them to see a distinct lack of movement. There’s bodies everywhere and all of their eyes are burnt out leaving smoking craters.

“Well, we got a little overwhelmed after you went down. I got the guy off you and the rest started coming up the stairs and Cas just went nuclear. Told me to shut my eyes. It was like that time with Anna, remember?” Dean explains. “Lots of white light then…this.”

“Did we get them all?” Sam asks and Cas frowns. The angel looks over the room for just a moment.

“There are 21 bodies. One must have escaped.”

Dean kicks one of the support beams and yells, “Shit!”

“Dean, one skinwalker isn’t going to hang around in town when they know there are hunters here. I don’t think we have to worry.”

Dean grumbles something unintelligible and Cas’ frown increases. “Dean, this was not your fault. I became overwhelmed as well.”

Dean glares at Cas over his shoulder but says nothing else, probably mostly annoyed that Cas’ superhuman hearing wasn’t allowing him to grump in peace.

“Let’s just take care of these bodies and get out of here, okay?” Dean says and begins to walk down the stairs. Cas continues to frown and watches Dean walk away. Cas raises a hand and like a Jedi, and the bodies disappear.

Sam stops short and looks around for any trace. He lifts an eye brow and looks to Cas. “Nepal?”

“No. Mariana Trench. They were crushed instantly.”

Both Sam and Dean’s eyebrows shot up and they exchanged a look. Sam speaks up, “Uh… Alright. I guess we’re good, then?”

“Let’s get outta here,” Dean yells from the floor below.

*              *              *              *              *              *              *

The Impala is soon parked in front of the garage and the men step out of the car, approaching the house.

Sam steps inside and calls out to Amelia. It’s late, but Amelia should be awake still. She was typically upstairs reading in bed by this time of night. No answer comes back to him.  He turns to the others and shrugs. “She must be asleep,” Sam reasons.

Castiel quirks his head to the side and locks eyes with Sam. “She’s in the garage.” A moment of panic almost rose up, but Sam reminds himself that the trunk is locked, they are in no danger. Sam looks over to Dean for confirmation, but a look of worry is spreading across Dean’s face.

“Dean? You locked the trunk up, right?”

“I don’t know…” Dean says slowly.

“Shit,” is Sam’s only response before he walks away and into the garage.  The door swings open to reveal Amelia sitting on the concrete floor in front of the trunk with knives, talismans, holy water, and other items spread around her. She has a book on demonology in her hands. She flips a page and says, “Hi.”

Sam is frozen in the doorway. He simply stands there for a moment, unsure what to do. He’s looking over all the items in front of Amelia right now trying to find a reasonable explanation for each one. When he looks back to Amelia she’s looking him over and her eyes are wide. Sam looks down at himself and sees what’s making her eyes bulge.  There’s blood all over his shins and shoes.

Sam’s head snaps back up and he says, “Amelia… I can explain.”

Amelia scowls. “You can explain? Really? You can explain _all this_ and _blood_ all over you? You can explain why you and Dean suddenly have secret guns and why you keep disappearing at night?”

Sam’s mouth opens to form a response, _any_ kind of response, but Amelia cuts him off, “Go on. _Explain._ I’m giving you a chance, Sam. One chance.”

Sam stares and before he can think about it, he blurts out, “I’m a hunter.”

Amelia squints, but says nothing. Sam continues, “I hunt… things. Ghosts, monsters, demons. That’s what I did before I came to Kermit. Dean and I, we hunt things together.”

Amelia just stares. She doesn’t say a thing and begins to fidget with the book in her hand. Sam flounders.

“I know it sounds crazy. I _know_ how crazy it sounds. But it’s true. There are _things_ out there and Dean and I, we help people.”

Amelia stands and leans against the shelf nearest her. “Right. Monsters. Is that _monster_ blood on you, then?” She asks, visibly trying not to sneer.

Sam sighs. “You don’t believe me, I get it. I wouldn’t want to believe it either,” he says quietly. “I can’t prove-“

“I can, though,” Cas said from behind him.

Sam spins around and see Cas standing there with Dean who looks at Sam and hurriedly explains, “I tried to tell him not to, Sammy.”

Cas pushes past Sam and addresses Amelia directly. “Sam’s telling the truth Amelia. I know how frightening it must be to have these things come to light so suddenly, but I assure you, you are safe.”

Amelia’s eye flicker between the three of them, obviously taking note of the fact that there are three large men telling her crazy things like _they fight monsters_ standing in front of her. She pauses before she looks to Cas and asks, “You said you could prove it?”

Sam steps forward and says, “Cas, you’re just going to scare her-“

Cas doesn’t look at Sam when he responds, “I will leave the choice up to her, then. Amelia, I can provide you proof of the supernatural. However, it will change your life forever. Do you still want proof?”

A deafening quiet overtakes the room as Amelia regards Castiel. “What kind of proof? What does he mean, Sam?”

Sam runs a hand through his hair. “Castiel is not… human.”

Amelia eyes snap back to Castiel’s face and looks him over. She huffs out a very slight laugh and says, “What do mean? He certainly _looks_ human.”

“I am an Angel of The Lord,” Cas states.

Amelia scoffs and says, “Right.”

For some odd reason Dean finds it necessary to say, “I know, right? I said the same thing, apparently.”

Sam pinches the bridge of his nose in frustration and Cas rolls his eyes before giving Dean an impatient look. Dean quickly mumbles, “Sorry,” and shuts up.

“Do you want proof, Amelia?” Castiel asks again.

She sets her gaze on Cas and says, “Alright, fine. Prove it. Prove that you’re an ‘Angel.’”

Castiel proceeds to bring himself up to his full height and the lights of the garage start to flicker. Suddenly and all at once, the lights burst and sparks shower them all. Amelia flinches and steps back, eye wide with surprise. A light begins to emanate from Castiel, his eyes burning bright. The light grows in brightness and casts tall shadows behind the people around Castiel. Amelia looks at Castiel’s shadow and sees something that makes her gasp. Two great shadows of wings spread far across the walls of the garage, large and infinitely intimidating.

Just  as quickly as it had started, the garage went dark and quiet again. The only light came through the open door into the house, silhouetting Dean in the doorway and Castiel in front of Amelia.  With a gesture, Castiel repairs the lights above them and they are bathes in fluorescent light again. The shadows of wings are long gone.

Amelia splutters, “That- that was… “

“Amelia, I know it’s a lot…”  Sam starts but stops abruptly when she looks at him. He sees tears welling up in her eyes.

She grinds out, “I’m going to go. Can you move out of the way?”

The men step out of the way of the door and Amelia walks through quickly. They hear her footsteps fade up the stairs and the bedroom door slam shut. Sam assumes she locked it.

“Well that went horribly,” Sam says miserably.

Dean moves towards him and offers, “Sammy, I’m sorry-”

“Not right now, Dean. Look, I’m just gonna go out for a bit. Get some air,” Sam explains weakly and walks out.

Dean watches him go and his posture falls apart. He starts shakily talking to himself. “Shit. This is all my fault. Amelia’s pissed and _freaked out_. I know where this goes, man.”

Cas steps over to Dean and quickly pulls him into a crushing hug. Dean freezes at the surprise and only manages to twitch when he feels Cas’ breath over his neck. “Dean, this is not your fault. Sam and Amelia will find a way to repair their relationship and Sam will not blame you. Do not blame yourself.”

Dean is too shocked to disagree right now. Sure they traded an awkward hug in the past, but this was _real. Unprompted._ Dean has to urge to wrap his arms around Cas in return, but Cas lets go of him and takes a step back.

“I suggest we retire for the night. There is nothing to be done tonight,” Cas offers at he puts a hand on Dean’s shoulder.

Dean nods and gives Cas a weary smile. “Alright. Yeah. Bed does sound good.”

Cas return his smile and follows him into the house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh noes... Poor Sammeh. He really was going to tell her, but fate (me) intervened. Dangit. 
> 
> Thank you for the great comments and feedback, readers! They really keep me going when I lose steam. I appreciate it greatly. Love to you all!
> 
> If you want to come by and talk, you can find me on my Tumblr: MissReneeChan.Tumblr.com
> 
> Also, I have another ficlet in the works, so keep an eye out for that. :D 
> 
> Thanks again.


	16. Hoping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No one can sleep after Amelia finds out about the family business. Dean and Cas get closer and Amelia has some questions to be answered.

Dean had trouble sleeping that night. He kept having dreams about Cas, Sam and Amelia promising to stay together with him but going out together and forgetting about him. However, at one point there were two Cas-es again. That had been happening more regularly lately and Dean had been remembering it more often than not, now. The second Cas only showed up a flash here or there and he always seemed to be paying attention to Dean. Dean knows that dreams are supposed to be reflection of your subconscious or whatever, but what could two Cas-es mean? He wants twice the Cas? Weird.

He knew what the other part of the dream meant. It was never far from his mind. Sam, Amelia and Cas would get tired of him eventually and move on with their lives. Knowing them though, they would never hurt shim consciously, they would try to spare Dean’s feelings, but the result would be the same in the end. Dean would be alone.

And with this new development of Amelia fiding about the family business, Dean may have ruined Sam’s chances for a normal life with Amelia. The look on Amelia’s face as she stalked away into the house last night kept coming to Dean’s mind. How could he forget something so simple as locking that trunk of supplies?

It’s early, maybe 4:00 am when Dean gives up on sleep. He flings off the covers and wanders downstairs in a bleary state of frustration. When he reaches the bottom of the stairs, he finds Cas and Sam awake and watching TV. Cas isn’t wearing his bee pajamas. The need to change is gone now that the jig is up. For some reason, Dean kinda misses them and he feels a little under dressed in his own sleep clothes, loose pants and a T-shirt.

“Couldn’t sleep either, Sammy?”

“Nah,” he responds wearily and doesn’t look away from the TV. That’s the end of that, then. Sam doesn’t want to talk right now. Dean can deal with that. Dean excels at not talking. He wanders over to the couch and takes a seat on the other end, opposite of Sam. Cas is sitting on his air mattress with his back up against the couch between the two brothers. The TV is displaying an old episode of Seinfeld. Dean raises an eyebrow and nudges Cas’ shoulder with his knee.

“Seinfeld? Really?”

“Not much is on at 4:17 in the morning,” Cas supplies. “I don’t understand a lot of the jokes.”

“Yeah, this show’s got a lot of weird human stuff.”

They all watch in silence until the end of the episode. A little graphic in the corner of the screen promises another episode.  Sam breaks the silence. “She didn’t leave. That’s good, right?”

Dean blinks out of his sleep-deprived daze and looks over at Sam. Sam is staring blankly ahead at the screen.  Dean considers this and said, “Yeah. She probably would have bailed if she thought it wasn’t worth it.”

Sam doesn’t respond for a while and the new episode of Seinfeld starts. During the first commercial break, Sam lets loose a huge sigh. “What do I even say to her? You know, _if_ she ever talks to me again. I try to think of something and… nothing.”

Dean frowns in thought. He was never very good at this. “Maybe just… let her be? I don’t think the ball could be any more in her court than it already is, dude.” He looks to Sam, wondering if his lame attempt at big-brotherly advice helped in any way. His little brother is still staring at the TV, but a small frown has appeared.

“Dean is right, Sam,” Cas says from his position between them. “It may be making you anxious to wait, but wait you must.”

“Dude, if you want to get some sleep, my bed’s open,” Dean offers and Sam exhales a long, slow sigh. He rubs his eyes and hauls his large body up, off the couch.

“Yeah, I think I will,” Sam says quietly and walks away and up the stairs.

Cas and Dean watch him go and when the sound of his footsteps fade away, Dean slumps back into the couch and throws an arm over his face. “Jesus, Cas. This is fucked up.”

Dean feels the couch dip next to him and removes his arm to look at the angel. “Sam and Amelia will be alright, Dean. Amelia loves him and sill work past her confusion and shock.”

“This is my fault, Cas. If I had just remembered to lock that trunk-“

“Dean.”

“-then Sammy would’ve been able to tell her on his own-“

“ _Dean.”_

“- and maybe she would’ve been more okay with it-“

“ _DEAN,”_ Cas growls and Dean would later swear that he thought he heard the windows rattle. Dean jumps and his eyes lock onto Cas’ face. Cas’ face is the definition of concern when Dean expected anger.

Dean mumbles, “Sorry,” and lamely looks downward.

“No, Dean. Do not _apologize._ You did nothing wrong.” A hand comes into view on Dean’s lap. It curls around his own and squeezes.

“Cas…”

“Dean, I know you do not think so, but let me assure; you are not to blame for this.”

Dean can feel how close Cas is to him. His eyes travel to the side. Cas’ jean covered thigh is right there and Cas’s soft grey t-shirt is tickling his arm. He has an urge and as soon as the thought crosses his mind, it won’t go away. He wants to feel Cas against him. He wants a pair of arms around him. He needs some contact. Despite the closeness of the man next to him though, the idea of verbalizing this urge seems an impossibility.

So he doesn’t verbalize it.  He moves before he has a chance to think it through. Cas lets out a startled yelp as Dean heaves himself over and throws a leg over Cas, settling down in Cas’ lap, face to face. Cas pulls his hands back, almost as if Dean told him to _stick ‘em up,_ wide eyes searching Dean’s face for any sort of explanation.

“Dean…” Cas whispers warily as Dean fits his hands over the angel’s forearms. Dean’s heart is hammering in his chest. _What is he doing?_ He slowly slides his hands upward, over Castiel’s biceps and shoulders. Cas’ eyes flutter closed and open again, but otherwise, he says nothing. Dean leans forward as his hands reach the sides of Cas’ jaw and finally loops his arms around Cas’ shoulders.

Dean buries his face in Cas’ neck and exhales slowly. Is this okay? Cas would have said something if he didn’t want this, right? It only takes a moment of Dean’s internal struggle before he feels Cas’ arms wrap around him and the tension starts to fade away. He relaxes into Cas’ embrace and makes an attempt to actually enjoy this. Who knows if Cas would ever want it to happen again.

They stay that way for a couple of minutes. Dean is hanging off Cas now and almost dozing off when Cas starts rubbing Dean’s back in small circular motions. Dean sighs contentedly and leans into Cas a little more. Dean is becoming more and more aware of the hands trailing of his back as time passes, though and it begins to affect him more. Maybe Cas likes this more than what dean originally thought. Maybe it’s more than offering comfort to a friend to Cas. His face begins to flush and he tightens his hold on Cas again.

Cas’ fingers slide up Dean’s back and over the short hairs at the back of Dean’s head. At that, Dean feels goose bumps prickle up all over his arms and he hears himself sigh again, a little louder this time. He should feel embarrassed. Normally, he would. For a reason unknown to him, though, he feels safe here in Cas’ arms.  So safe that he barely notices when he starts nuzzling the bolt of Cas’ jaw. His lips hang open and he sighs again as Cas’ fingers move higher into the thicker part of his hair.

Dean feels Cas shiver underneath him and he realizes it’s because his breath ghosting over Cas’ neck and cheek. He presses his lips to stubbled jaw of the angel and cups the back of Cas’ head.

“Dean…”

“Is this okay, Cas?” Dean needs to know this is okay. That he’s not just projecting his feelings onto Cas. Cas’ other hand joins the first on the back of Dean’s head and they turn to look at each other.

“Yes,” Cas whispers and closes the distance between them and kisses Dean gently.  Dean lets out a small noise of surprise, but responds with a gentle pressure back. Cas’ lips are dry and chapped, just the way they look, and Dean thinks it’s perfect. Cas presses into the kiss a little more and Dean squeezes the back of Cas’ head before pulling back and searching Cas’ eyes.

Cas seems a little dazed, still staring at Dean’s lips and that puts a smile on Dean’s face. “Have you done that before?” Dean asks quietly.

Cas shakes his head. “No. I mean, yes, but it’s never been like that.”

Dean considers asking about Cas’ previous experiences with kissing, but decides that’s for another time. “Alright, so…” Dean realizes he has no idea what Cas is thinking. Dean doesn’t know what he wants from Cas or this kiss. Cas had seemed to enjoy it. Would he want more? Most people might assume kisses and cuddling meant romantic intentions. Would Cas assume that? He’s an angel after all. Shit, he should have thought this through, more. He could try to explain it away as being in need of comfort, would Cas be offended?

Before he can voice any of these concerns, though, a door opens upstairs and footsteps. He practically leaps off Cas’ lap and flops onto the air mattress behind him in an ungraceful heap. Cas’ head tilts to the side as he watches confusedly. Dean ignores the angel’s confusion and just manages to right himself when Amelia reaches the bottom of the stairs.

She stops when she sees them and Dean has a chance to see that she looks like she hasn’t slept either. “Hey,” Dean says absently.

Amelia’s posture deflates at the calm greeting and she awkwardly searches the room to avoid eye-contact. “Hey. I couldn’t sleep.”

“Yeah. You’re not the only one.”

Her eyes flick in the general direction of Dean’s room where Sam was sleeping. “Yeah, I figured.” She stands there fidgetng for a moment before she says, “Okay, so… I have some questions.” She looks between Dean and Cas nervously.

Cas nods and scoots over on the couch to leave some extra room. He gestures towards the open spot and says, “Of course.”

Amelia steps over the air mattress and flops down onto the couch. She’s clearly exhausted and  turns her eyes to Castiel and really looks him over, from head to toe. “You’re really… an angel.”

Cas merely nods. Amelia fixes Dean with an equally intense stare and the thought that she could give Cas a run for his money crosses Dean’s mind. “And… you and Sam. You hunt monsters?”

“Um… yeah.”

“Like, real monsters.”

“Yes.”

“Vampires?”

“Yeah.”

“Werewolves.”

“Sometimes. Mostly it’s ghosts. You know, people who don’t move on and go bad.”

She stares at Dean blankly for a moment. “Ghosts. So there is an afterlife.” She says to Cas, “Well, I guess if there’s Angels of the Lord, that means there’s a heaven. And a hell?”

“Yes,” Cas says. “Both exist.”

Amelia stares at Cas as she takes this is in. She leans over with her elbows on her knees and her face in her hands. She emits a long, frustrated groan and stays like that a moment. “I never believed in this stuff. I had wanted to believe for a long time. It seemed comforting to think that there was something bigger out there. But I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t believe. And now… it’s real? Not just God, but the crazy stuff like _vampires?_ ”

Dean and Cas say nothing and just wait for Amelia to work through her thoughts/

“It’s crazy! It’s crazy. I’m a rational, scientifically minded person. But…” She turns her head in her hands and eyes Cas warily. “…you’re an Angel.”

Cas nods solemnly. Amelia looks to Dean on the floor. “And you’re a monster hunter,” she adds.  Dean nods as well.

“So…what are you doing here?” she asks Cas. “You know, on earth. Why’d you come down?”

Cas stiffens and looks to Dean, obviously wondering how much they should reveal to her. Amelia’s tough, but that much information in one night could put people in a padded room. He raised his hand with his fingers barely apart, indicating a small amount. Only tell her a little. Cas turns back to Amelia and speaks.

“I was ordered to earth to assist the Winchesters They are my charges. I am also their friend and I help them rid the world of dangers,” he explains.

“So… You and Sam have a guardian Angel?” Amelia asks Dean, seeming incredulous.

“Yeah, I guess,” Dean responds hesitantly. “But I… I don’t remember, you know, Cas specifically.”

Realization dawns on Amelia’s face. “Oh. Oh! So there’s… oh. Okay. Sam said your memory issues were kinda personal. I didn’t want to pry. Okay. It makes more sense now.”

“But I remember some more stuff now. I remember when we met and a couple other things.”

“Oh, well, that’s good.” Amelia smiles, if a little tiredly and Dean is happy to see it. Maybe the situation wasn’t so lost. Before he can check himself, he looks at Cas, who also has a small smile on his face, but his gaze is directed at Dean. Memories of their activities just before Amelia come back to him and he feels his face heat with a blush. He looks away.

“I’ll have to get some stories out of you guys,” Amelia says, breaking Dean out of his self-induced fluster.

“So… You’re not…” Dean doesn’t even want to say it.

Amelia offers him another tired smile. “Leaving Sam? No. I just… need some time. To adjust.”

Cas says, “That’s more than understandable, Amelia. We won’t, and I’m sure Sam won’t push either.”

Dean adds, “Yeah, no. Take your time.” He feels exultant that Sam’s relationship is not lost. That Amelia is even a little curious. Maybe things aren’t as lost he originally thought, he thinks as he glances Cas again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I'm so sorry this took so long to come out. I'm working on some other writing and I just found myself a new job, so life is getting in the way. 
> 
> But yay Dean and Cas kiss! But Boo interruptions!
> 
> Again, I'm also on tumblr reblogging fanfic and fanart all day long. Come by and say hi. 
> 
> MissReneeChan.Tumblr.com


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